When Your "Calling" is Hard to Follow

I truly believe that God called me into ministry as a "vocation". What I mean is that while I think that all who profess to be Christians are called to ministry, some are called to have it as their "job": working in a church, or some para-church ministry, etc. That's where I have always sensed God's voice leading me. Right now it is with teenagers; increasingly I wonder if whatever (and whenever) "next" is, if it will be in another arena/age group/etc. But the main thing is that while serving in "the local church" certainly opens your eyes to some not-fun things (we are all a bunch of not-perfect humans, you know) that one would hope don't happen among God's people, I still would feel "lost" not serving in some sort of ministry capacity. Right now it is as "paid worker", and while I have to be open to something else than "paid", I don't sense that happening...

Well, my "calling" is truly being tested now. Not in an, "I wonder if I am really called"-type way, more in a, "Dang, this is hard right now"-type way. Details are not the point, but let's just say there are some circumstances among those I walk in faith with that are really coming to the surface now and forcing me to obey my call on a deeper level. And it is scary. I often worry about "what I should do", or about what might happen if I do/say the wrong thing, or say too much when I just need to shut up and listen. I also fear not doing or saying enough... "What if I say something that makes the situation worse? What if I 'call folks on the carpet' too much and we 'lose them' from the community as a result?" Then, fear about my job status comes into play. If I say the wrong things, or nothing at all, I risk making situations worse, and folks could be hurt in the process. If I say too much, or maybe too "confrontationally" (is that a word? I just made it up if not...), I risk folks getting mad and leaving...and we all know that when the "numbers" get smaller, the leader (me) gets questioned. So essentially this is all a "fear of the unknown" problem I am having right now. What do I need to do? Go to the Source. Go to the scriptures...and see what God has to say to me...

25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[a]?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.***Matthew 6:25-34 (NIV); http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%206:25-34;&version=31;

18On my account you will be brought before governors and kings as witnesses to them and to the Gentiles. 19But when they arrest you, do not worry about what to say or how to say it. At that time you will be given what to say, 20for it will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you.***Matthew 10:18-20 (NIV); http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=47&chapter=10&verse=18&end_verse=20&version=31&context=context

10He who descended is the very one who ascended higher than all the heavens, in order to fill the whole universe.) 11It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, 12to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up***Ephesians 4:10-12 (NIV); http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=56&chapter=4&verse=10&end_verse=12&version=31&context=context

I often hold tight to the "do not worry"-passages...and I need to now. I also need to trust that the Spirit will give me (or is already giving me) the words to say, and to again not worry... This is where I need to live always, but especially in times like these. If anyone reads this and considers themselves a "praying person", feel free to lift me up to be open to God's Voice at this time, to be comforted by Him, and to remember my calling... and feel free to pray the same for yourself (as we are ALL called by God to something...).