Monday, August 31, 2009

My Life Going By...

I am addicted to almanacs. Of all kinds. Texas, World, and ESPN Sports almanacs are in high rotation in my home (and have been most of my "reading life"). As a result, the reading of almanacs "for fun" has resulted in a vast array of (mostly) useless knowledge that does little for me except allow me to win Trivial Pursuit a bunch and to attempt to prop up my ego at times (which isn't what I should do, agreed, just honest that there have been times I've probably just tried to "impress").

One fun thing I like to do with almanacs lately is to almost treat them like a time capsule of sorts. I catch myself saying things like, "Let's look back 10/15/20 years and see what was going on. I recently did that with a 2000 sports almanac, looking at the headlines, winners, and seeing which players on teams are still playing at all. It is humbling to say the least. Ten years ago does NOT seem that long ago, but the vast majority of people in that almanac are no longer playing...

This is just another example of how I am discovering (and I've said it before) that the older I get, the faster life moves. This isn't all bad, but sometimes I get nostalgic and realize, "My goodness, that was TEN YEARS AGO? What happened? That went so fast!"

But, it is a good thing (life going by quickly) in that the "waiting on the Lord" attitude I am called to have seems easier. I have many passions/goals/thoughts/dreams/ideas in my head, and it is getting easier to say things like, "I need to be patient and allow things to develop in a healthy way", instead of rushing them all into existence (and they fall flat, or don't even reach completion at all).

So, I am taking some time today to ponder where I've been, to realize how fast life goes, and to seek the balance between waiting and getting things going (because if I blink, five years will have gone by)...

Thursday, August 20, 2009

The God of This AND That

So, I am trying (for the first time "non-seminary paper related") to read one of the Christian Fathers, Augustine. I received, as a gift, back in 2003 (I think) from my former Sr. Pastor a copy of The Confessions of Saint Augustine. It has mostly just sat on a book shelf to make me look more scholarly. Well, earlier this week, when I started my morning routine again, I picked up the book and said, "I am going to try and fight through this old-ish English translation of a famous collection of writings."

So, I am slowly, SLOWLY, I tell you, trudging through. But I already found a nice thing in the first section, "Childhood". It is a concept I have previously labeled as "The Annoying YES!", which involves the fact that God, despite our best efforts, cannot be limited. That God can simultaneously possess seemingly opposite characteristics, which is tough for us humans as we rarely share that ability. And thus, we tend to make God one or the other...

Well, I am going to shut up now and share what I read the other day and have been pondering...enjoy!

What art Thou then, my God? what, but the Lord God? For who is Lord but the Lord? or who is God save our God? Most highest, most good, most potent, most omnipotent; most merciful, yet most just; most hidden, yet most present; most beautiful, yet most strong; most stable, yet incomprehensible; unchangeable, yet all-changing; never new, never old; all-renewing, and bringing age upon the proud, and they know it not; ever working, ever at rest; still gathering, yet nothing lacking; supporting, filling, and overspreading; creating, nourishing, and maturing; seeking, yet having all things. Thou lovest, without passion; art jealous, without anxiety; repentest, yet grievest not; art angry, yet serene; changest Thy works, Thy purpose unchanged; recievest again what Thou findest, yet didst never lose; never in need, yet rejoicing in gains; never covetest, yet exacting usury.--From The Confessions of Saint Augustine, pgs. 6-7

Now I just need to go find out what "usury" means...

Monday, August 17, 2009

Missing my Bible

Helllloooooo world. I'm back. It has been a good, busy summer. I have remained silent for longer than usual, but not for some of the typical reasons (aka, "spiritually dry"). Well, some of the lull is a result of busyness, but much of it was a proactive decision to just "sit" on some things for a bit. Simply put, I didn't want to post "just because". I think in the last few months I caught myself saying, "Well, I have to post something...", and as a result just wrote things that may not have had time to peculate. Oh, nothing scandalous or bad, just..."there"...

Well, I'm back. I won't promise how much of often, but I am ready to get back into my typical "school year routine" in the morning, which usually includes some permutation of coffee/classical-jazz-ambient-celtic music to inspire (aka "autumn morning")/reading/prayer/pondering/writing. I make efforts to minimize TV watching, and to, of course, let Jackson sleep (haha).

One thing is lacking from that routine as I begin again, however. My bible. You see, I think I left it on our junior high mission trip. Oh sure, I think I can call the place I left it and retrieve it fairly easily...but I keep forgetting for some reason. I have been trying to keep up with my spiritual feeding through books, listening to sermons via podcast, etc., but I noticed one thing last year that, for some reason in all the years of me following Jesus, I neglected to appreciate as much as I should.

Spending real, honest, prayerful time in the scriptures.

I mean, sure, I read it at times, and pondered many other times (although usually as a result of conversation, or a message, etc.), but had sadly struggled in all my years to make a true conscious point to study God's word as a vital part of my life. I mean, I would often try, using all kinds of tools, assists, study aids, devotional books, and plans, but they would always start off strong, then a few weeks later become something I just "did" and would not ponder. And before you knew it (usually after a month or so), I would skip a couple days and whammo, there goes my scripture time. And honestly, I would end up rationalizing and say something like, "Oh well, I still believe it all. I get to church a lot and have many deep, spiritual conversations, so I will be ok." And generally, I was. But this last year or so, I finally felt compelled to say, "Enough!" to all the excuses. I was tired of reading get-to-know-you surveys from others that seemed to honestly list "the Bible" as one's favorite book...when I would rather read sci fi or war novels or epic stories of elves and hobbits and knights.

So, I prayed for God to grant me the desire to truly dive into his divine revelation. And, he did!

So now, as I embark on another "school year" (not for me, but for my family, as my wife works at a school and my son prepares for his last year of pre-K), I am seeking God's help in re-igniting that passion. But, as I said, my Bible of choice is AWOL. Sure, there are others around, and if all else fails, I can hit up a store and get another one, but for those who have made it a point to dive into scripture on a personal level, it is hard to leave your "trusted, beat-up, marked-up" bible... So I will call the place I left it today...(ask me to see if I did!)

Charles Spurgeon, a famous preacher from the 1800s, said, "I bible that is in shambles is usually owned by someone whose life is not" (or, something like that...forgive me if the quote is not 100%). Prayerfully, I hope that is true of me, as my AWOL Bible is pretty marked up and "not pretty". Also, while exercising the other day and listening to one of the sermons I podcast, the pastor was talking on perseverance out of 2 Peter. He said (and not in an arrogant way) that ever since he met Christ at age 19, he had never backslid. He had sinned, sure, but never once walked away from the Lord, denied Christ, anything like that. His wife, on the other hand, had a time in her life (before they met) where she felt like she did wander away. He struggled to understand how she could do that once a believer, and she likewise wondered how he could not. So, in their conversation, he asked his wife, "What was the one thing missing that assisted in you straying from God?" He answer? She wasn't in her bible.

My response? I can see that. The bible itself isn't magic, but the Holy Spirit speaks through the words. We are encouraged, challenged, convicted through God's revelation to us humans. But, if we don't spend time in it, and I mean way more than just checking-off that we "read our bible today", well, I can completely see how we open up our hearts to straying, or at least, a "meh" attitude toward the things of God...

Have I kept Jesus on my mind? Oh, sure. I am grateful that in this past couple weeks of "little/no bible", God has kept a desire in my heart to not become "meh" through the podcasts and the reading of books (I am currently re-visiting "Don't Waste Your Life" by Piper, discussing it with a college student I know, and also attempting to read one of the Christian "fathers", Augustine...). But, I miss my bible. I know that nothing I can read will compare...