We aren’t nice enough to each other…and we are too nice to each other…

I write this while in Kerrville on our “Senior High Spring Break Road Trip”. It has been a valuable time, and some excellent discussion (mostly on “leadership”) has come out of this, among other topics. Some things have given me great joy, while other things I have heard or learned this week make my heart drop. One thing that has stuck in my mind a lot has been this nasty habit we humans have of being at the “extremes” about things, not the least our approach to faith. We are either uber-bold or uber-loving (see previous post). We like the Jesus that gets angry and drives out the temple merchants with whips, who tells us that he will divide families, who draws lines in the sand, and who talks a lot about hell, or we totally focus on the Jesus who loves and loves and loves…who forgives “seventy times seven”, who promises the same reward to the last-minute confessor as offered the life-long faithful follower, who treats the unlovable with respect and great love. There is little middle ground, at least in how we like to base our “following” of Him.

I think the same applies to how we relate with each other. One thing we talked about was how the kids treat others in the youth group or at school who are “different” than them, either in personality, appearance, attitude, interests, whatever. Some folks were quick to defend the “unlovable”, professing the need to be patient, accepting, and loving, even with folks who “annoy” them. Others just would not budge. “It’s their fault…”, “They bring it on themselves…”, “If they would just not try to impress us, we might like them…”, “I don’t care: they don’t belong in our group. They are too annoying…”, “Their hair/clothes/skin/laugh is just wrong.” Once again, the extremes…

But this made me think about how we like to treat others in general, especially when dealing with the matters of faith. I think we are too often like the first-paragraph comments of being the “Jesus” that wants to expose sin, stir up trouble, tells folks to “turn or burn”, etc., or we almost “love to a fault” (if there is such a thing, and with that comment, you know my “bent”) and do not judge, give second and third and fifty-eighth chances, seeks to “kill others with kindness” and hope they see God in it, etc. So, once again, the extremes… I see this all the time in our church (and The Church), and I guess I just wish we could find a way to be and appreciate “both”. I know that we are all wired with certain personalities, gifts, and what-not, and that is one of the main reasons we tend to gravitate toward one way or the other. I just think it is not that simple. It is, like I often say (with a smile) when folks ask either/or questions about God and faith, “The annoying ‘yes!’”: Are we supposed to be the angry and hateful of sin, challenging, encouraging believers to “become what they believe”, telling others who do not believe about their sin and how it totally separates them from God and deserves a punishment? Yes! Are we supposed to love, welcome, respect, and dare I say even “tolerate” (that is a bad word in many Christian circles…I don’t mean “blindly accept”…) the unlovable, the annoying, the Christian struggling with a “thorn in their flesh”? Yes! The annoying yes…we want either/or. We want a formula. We want what is the “right” way. And it ain’t that simple…and it is that simple.

So, how does this apply to me (as in Ben), personally? I have stated in previous posts how I have been asking God to raise up more boldness in me, as I can lean toward being an “uber-love” when not careful. I guess what is more accurate is that I am asking God to help me find the way to be “both” in this issue. And I sense the tension to go to either end of the spectrum. I was just thinking this week that, “What if I went home and started really telling the kids that their attitudes, jokes, prejudices, judgmental hearts, etc. are wrong wrong wrong…not in the way I already do (which, while I say it, is almost with a shake of the head and a tsk-tsk-tsk), but with a more, "it makes me wonder if your faith is real", statement, because often that is what my human, frail, judgmental side wants to do: expose the wrong at all costs. But I sense the kids get a lot of that already at home, from others in church, etc., so I don’t. I mean, if I did that, what would happen? I guess a few might respond and get serious about God again (or for the first time), but I bet I would quickly be labeled too judgmental, no-fun, mean, unloving, etc., and many would flee the youth ministry (and then folks would probably want my head on a plate and I'd get canned). So my other tendency is to therefore love, love, love, and encourage until I can’t anymore, etc. And that has it’s place. I just need (God, I am talking to you! :-)) to find that balance. I need discernment and wisdom. I need to love like crazy, welcome like crazy…and as a Christian, and thus, minister, I need to do all I can to encourage those around me, life-long Christian and un-believer alike, to know Jesus and become closer to Him every day…even if what needs to be said is sometimes “hard”…