Ok, so you really don't have to sing...
But I saw first-hand how my selfishness can produce strong emotion when things aren't going my way.
It went something like this: I woke up before the rest of the family as per usual (6:50 am-ish). I got the coffee going, turned on a few lights, turned on my "morning" mix of classical/jazz/ambient music, prayed, and sat down to read my scripture passage for the day. After that (30 min or so later), I turned on the tube to check the weather for a bit (we are in the midst of an Ice Storm Warning), then decide to do my own "25 Random Things About ME" that is floating around Facebook nowadays. About 10 minutes after I begin typing, Jax wakes up. No biggie. I get some of "his shows" on, get his breakfast, inform him that school is cancelled, and proceed to continue typing...
Well, before I knew it, it was like 45 minutes later and I was only on number 15 or so in the list. Jax is starting to (rightfully so) get antsy and wants my attention, grabbing my right arm, etc. I say things like, "If you let my arm go, I'll get done faster", as, of course, I still attempt to type with my left hand. He releases. I proceed to move to the recliner across the room (tougher access for Jax to "get to me") and keep typing.
I finish all 25.
I am pleased.
I cannot wait for all my friends to read all this random stuff about me, hopefully laugh some, maybe be surprised, maybe impressed. You can call me Narcissus now.
My final act before hitting "post" is to "tag" 25 friends who will receive a note about my posting. So, I have 23 picked...and Jax decided to come over, climb on me, and hits inadvertently a couple buttons...
...and my posting disappears into oblivion...
Gone.
And no, I couldn't "save" it, as Facebook does not have that function like, say, this blog has.
I am really upset. Jax gets down. I slam the computer shut. I proceed to let him know that he just made Daddy lose what he had been working on for like an hour.
He looked back at me with the worst face. You know, that face like you just (for no reason) had just taken his favorite bedtime buddies and burned them right in front of his face. Laughing. No, cackling.
He almost started to cry because I had successfully made him feel guilty.
I stomp off, partly in frustration, but as the steps added up, they quickly became to gather my senses. To calm down. And I heard that voice saying, "Make this right, Dad. Do you realize you just punished your son for something as selfish as a FACEBOOK POST???!!!"
So I took a deep breath and calmly went to Jax. I explain to him that I am sorry, and that Daddy can just type it again later if I want to. I do take a bit of time to explain that sometimes Mommy or Daddy do at times need to do important things on the computer, and he needs to let us if the task cannot wait, but that this time, it truly wasn't important.
It was a selfish thing.
I need to remember this. I need to ask myself often if something I "want" or think I deserve are really worth shutting all else (and all others) out... How often we do that! I'm not saying we don't need "me" time, or time to rest, reflect, and recreate...but you see, I had already had that time today...and it was time for me to be with my son...
Lord, help me to seek to be selfLESS, not so dang selfish... Amen.
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