feeling more rested

Many thanks to my wife for forcing me to go to bed early last night...I have a busy day/night ahead (Celebrate Freedom music festival...Crowder, Sanctus Real, etc.), plus going to Granny's tomorrow... I actually feel pretty good....

not dealing with stress well (and I keep messing up...)

Well, the stress is getting to Missy and I. Just so many things going on...I won't list them (some of you probably know them). hard part is Missy and I deal with stress in different ways. When I am stressed, I need people, afirmations, etc. I want to be social. Missy is the opposite: she wants to be left alone. Now, when one or the other is stressed (but the opposite person is not), we do alright as nearly 7 years of marriage experience kicks in and we just push through. But when we are both stressed (like now)...it gets interesting. I get clingy, she wants to be left alone. I end up feeling unloved, and she ends up feeling smothered.

We know much of it is due to the "season" we are in, but it is tough. It is hard to find a middle ground.

Add to that several areas lately I feel like I'm "dropping the ball" in, and you can imagine it's not helping things...

So, prayers for patience, perseverance, wisdom, humility, etc. would be appreciated!

My Granny ROCKS

If you have known me for like, oh, over 5 minutes, you know that I love my Granny. You probably already know some stories, usually about her funny phrases, spunky persona, or her, um, famous "gas" issues.

Well, at the age of "nearly 91", her body is giving out, and is now in hospice care at her home. She has had such an amazing life. I am not so much sad as I am grateful and honored to have had a grandmother like her for 33+ years of my life, and that she has known my wife Missy for over 7 and my son Jax for almost 4...I barely remember (more images and stories) any of my great-grandparents, but I do remember things from when I was Jax's age so I am hopeful he will always have some memories of Granny.

If I am struggling with anything, it is just the realization that an era of my life is truly coming to an end...my childhood. I know, I know...I'm coming up on 34, and I'm supposed to be "grown up", but this is my last grandparent and major link to a more carefree time...and I will miss her.

Thank you, Lord, for Granny! Please make whatever time she has left be relaxing and joyful as many folks love-on her, visit her, etc...

Great Mission Trip

Fayetteville, Arkansas was awesome last week! A very cool town, and the 100ish teens and adults truly seemed to experience God in a very real way as they blessed others. My two favorite things were probably a) worship on Mt. Sequoia (was not planned until that day; we "punted" and decided to go all unplugged and rustic...), complete with fireflies all around and a cool view of the city/valley below, and b) the fact that this was the first trip where I heard ZERO complaints about work teams...even on trips where folks seem to be getting along, there are at least one or two teams that just seem to not "click"...and I usually hear about it. Not this time...and we had a whopping 12 teams! Woohoo God!

Being Away from My Family (not cool for very long...)

I am about to embark on a week-long mission trip to Fayetteville, Arkansas (well, Saturday morning I will). I am anticipating a week of seeing teens and adults experience God in mighty ways as they selflessly work their tails off helping those in need, as they hang out together, and as they worship together. Every year (even "not so fun" ones), I come back with a sense of awe and honor that I was a small part of this experience for so many.

But usually by Wednesday (that is, with several days still remaining on the trip), I start missing my Missy and Jax.

I really wouldn't be a good trucker, travelling salesman, musician/actor who goes on tour, or is on set for weeks, military man, etc. And it's not like when I'm home I need to spend every waking minute with them, but for some reason mid-week on a mission trip, I start getting that "tug". Like, I'll be standing in line at a fast food place in some random town and hear a toddler whining to his momma (probably annoying everyone else in the place), and I get all mushy inside. Or some cool experience is happening and I'm like, "I wish Missy could be here to share this with me." And I DEFINITELY feel it at closing rally (a gathering in a big church of all "living centers", usually a couple-thousand folks), where it is a mish-mash of emotions ranging from being in awe of God, to exhausted, to hungry, to already missing new friends, to dreading the several hours remaining in a car because you want to see your wife and kid yesterday!

But it is a part of who I am I suppose. This year, the dynamic will be a bit different as Jax is spending the week in Houston with Gramma and Pops (aka my parents). he will have a BLAST, and momma will get some much needed studying (and some peace and quiet) done. But, despite a week of not worrying/chasing a kid around, and despite that yesterday was a really crazy day with Jax (not listening, pooping in pants like, oh, four times, not napping, finding, um, "poo artwork" all around the house, etc.), we both lay in bed last night and agreed we'd miss the little guy a lot. Missy even said, "I don't know what I am going to do without him for seven days..." We love our little man!

So pray for all of us as we will be apart for a week. I am certainly grateful to be in a family that loves one another and actually LIKES being together...as we all know there are an abundance of families that can't wait to get away from each other...

Getting Smacked on the head with the God Frying Pan (aka, when God says, "hey, I'm here...I've got ya!", even as we try to ignore...)

So last week was interesting on many levels. Feeling tired, worried, un-content, immature, etc. I had many plates spinning and I really didn't want to stop some of them from falling. So I did what I at times do best: I whined. To friends, in posts on this blog, whatever. It is cathartic to be able to post what I do, but sometimes I do look back (either on my own or in response to someone's comment about it) and go, "Dang, son...you need to rest in the Lord better...to seek his peace and lean not on your own understanding..."

Well, a funny thing happened late in the week. It started when, let's just say, I found out my blog was "broadcasting" some messages that I didn't intend...but I can't complain about because, well, I take a risk (as does anyone posting their writings, art, etc., for public viewing) that someone may not agree or appreciate what I say. So at first I was a bit bummed. Not mad or angry, just bummed, and not at any specific people, more at myself than anything.

So I woke up Friday and was compelled to read 1 Peter 2:4-12 and write my last post (http://haphazardangus.blogspot.com/2008/06/stone.html). And my fears, frustrations, and worry started melting away... First one to go was, "how on earth am I going to have time to prep a Sunday School lesson?" Well, as soon as I wrote the post, I stopped and said, "I think we have a lesson!" And it was fun to teach it Sunday morning...even found out one of the teens was led to read that very verse earlier in the morning...cool stuff...

Then, later, I started prepping in earnest for the lock-in that night. Problem was, I had spent all day working in the 95 degree heat laying some sod...so I was a bit concerned I would "fold" way too early. But I remembered the scripture I read earlier and the post I made...and decided to simply trust God. As I left the parking lot leading a caravan of 44 folks, I told my friend/co-worker/parent of two of the teens, "You know, I actually feel pretty good!" She gave a smile and a nice thumbs-up to me... :-)

And then, as I proceeded to go to Medieval Times (AWESOME), a middle-of-the-night swim party, and back to our church for movies, games, etc., and as I should've expected, another cool thing happened: I felt "fresh" all night! I usually start "fading" around 4 am or so...but I felt strong and alert all the way until I pulled into my driveway at 7:15 am. Then I crashed until 1:15 pm... And then I was able to go lay more sod! (I am usually a ZOMBIE after a lock-in...even after sleeping a bit...). Good stuff!

I also have felt more at peace about our coming mission trip, my concerns, etc. I am just going to trust. As I myself say to those attending, "EXPECT God to do amazing things!" I need to claim that for myself sometimes!!!

Finally, I have decided to just give the college group to God...if only one or two show up, it's all good. If ten come, awesome. But I need to just be grateful for who is sent each week, and allow God to speak... I also LOVE how Missy (wife) seems to be sensing the need to share wisdom and her experiences with them. It is a good ministry venue for her...and that makes my smile!

So, woohoo to God for smacking me around a bit and saying, "Dude, I'm here...I know what's up...let me take over!"

Stone

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Peter%202:4-12;&version=31;

The Living Stone and a Chosen People
4As you come to him, the living Stone—rejected by men but chosen by God and precious to him— 5you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ. 6For in Scripture it says:
"See, I lay a stone in Zion,
a chosen and precious cornerstone,
and the one who trusts in him
will never be put to shame."[a] 7Now to you who believe, this stone is precious. But to those who do not believe,
"The stone the builders rejected
has become the capstone,[b]"[c] 8and,
"A stone that causes men to stumble
and a rock that makes them fall."[d] They stumble because they disobey the message—which is also what they were destined for.
9But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. 10Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.

11Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul. 12Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us. ***1 Peter 2:4-12, NIV

Wow. I love how Peter uses the word "stone" to describe both our savior and redeemer(Jesus) and us ("living stones"). We are called stones, a part of a spiritual house. God has NO REASON to call or allow any of us to be a part of his work, but despite our sin and rebellion against him, he chose to love and atone for our sins, anyway (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=52&chapter=5&verse=8&version=31&context=verse). But think about the word "stone". To me, that implies strength, a strength given to us by the Lord. I know I often don't feel much like a stone...sometimes a nice piece of oak or maple, but wood still can be consumed in fire. But stone? God calls us stone? That's a different thing altogether...

As one saved by Christ, this implies:

...that we are directly rooted in the "Stone of Stones", and that his strength and might are available to us through him...even when we are convinced we are just weak...God is strong...

...that since God calls his chosen people a "holy priesthood", he must love us and think enough of his creation that through his redemption of us, we are truly able to be God's "hands and feet" in this world...I need to remember that better, as I am often too easily convinced that I'm not able to be used by God...because when I use my criteria (or the world's), I am just not good enough...but praise God for saving me, a messed up sinner, through Christ! My criteria doesn't matter...

But as a result, the world around us often simply can't relate.

We are called "aliens and strangers", and as humans, we don't like that idea. We (I) want to just be like everyone else. We don't like rocking the boat. But we are stones rooted in the Stone. God chooses to use us to spread his message in word and deed. Others may scoff, or get upset, or even go, "hey, I know how much you mess up...all the gossip and ugly attitudes you have (or have had in the past), why should I listen to you or accept your faith in this 'Jesus'?"

But we are stone.

We are redeemed.

We are chosen.

God wants to use US. Even in our mess. Even though a war goes on in our soul.

May we allow God to mold us, shape us, give us courage, help us to realize the strength he provides, to be motivated to live a selfless life, motivated out of gratitude for the fact that despite my original ugly heart that too often has tried to push God out the door, God's son STILL was willing to walk with us, be tortured and killed for us, and rise up again in final victory...FOR US!!!!!!!!

****DISCLAIMER: My "h" key is broken...has been for awhile...so as a result, whenever I type that letter, I must hit "control-V", and I can't capitalize it. I'm not trying to make some "statement" by not capitalizing "he" or "his" or "him" when referring to God...haha...I normally would...I know some folks want us to stop using male pronouns for God...and while I certainly think God is not one to be boxed in and through the Trinity MANY different roles and qualities are expressed (even possibly feminine ones), for whatever reason, most biblical scholars have translated the original texts/languages to use words like "father" alot to describe our creator...

Disclaimer over. Carry on!