I Needed This...

http://stufffchristianslike.blogspot.com/2008/10/421-empty-room-lessons.html

I won't re-hash what Jon Christopher says in the above blog posting...but I can relate. I confess I've been frustrated with how "few" kids have been coming to Sunday School these last couple weeks, and on a lesser level, how Elevation has not "grown" in the leaps-and-bounds I kinda secretly/unconsciously hoped it would... God, forgive me for those attitudes. Remind me that the "1" is most important to you...and that you are still mightily at work even on "down attendance days."

Real World Parents Training Re-Cap

Wow, am I excited to be a part of this thing...

I won't give away too many "content details", but let's just say that I think this really could start something good in parents (specifically, parents claiming allegiance to Christ). It is not really a bunch of "magic rocks" as Mark Matlock says, aka, "a bunch of tools so I can fix my kids", but instead it is meant to be a catalyst for families to ponder their place in truly answering God's call to make our families true ambassadors for Christ and our homes true embassies for God's Kingdom. The seminars are designed to be a "starting point" for a future discussion among families in the given community, whether through follow-up groups, studies, or just personal accountability. A website is even being designed for parents to be able to visit post-seminar so they can get more of the strategies to assist them in this endeavour.

We spent day one essentially being presented the material (in a somewhat raw form) by one of its' developers, Mark Matlock (with occasional embellishment from its' other developer, Jim Hancock, who mostly ran the media but was also present...both very cool guys). After each session, we'd spend quite a bit of time debriefing, critiquing, etc. It was a full day (9 am-4ish pm), but very much worth it. It was fun to connect with others who share this passion, especially a very nice surprise of coming back from a coffee-run pre-session to discover my first boss as a ministry intern (when I was at Christ Chapel in Ft. Worth, late-90s), Keith Mason, was sitting in the spot next to mine. It was so fun to reconnect with him!

The next day we did a bit more brainstorming on the material, followed by some more of the logistics, timeframes, and "legalese" involved in seeing all this stuff come to fruition. The goal start-date for seminars to begin being presented around the country is February 2009, and they are hoping to have us do a "blitz" of sorts (several conferences in a short timeframe) during the spring of 2009.

So, if you know of any churches interested in this amazing opportunity sometime next year, feel free to visit www.realworldparents.com beginning in mid-October to start the process...or you can email me: be_clingy@yahoo.com. Just put "Real World Parents" in the subject line.

Real World Parents training starts today

www.realworldparents.com

Today and tomorrow I will be at the "Real World Parents" seminar training, put on by Mark Matlock and WisdomWorks ministries (or is it just Youth Specialties now? I know WW got acquired by them...). I am excited, as I signed up almost as soon as I could for this training. If you know from past posts, encouraging families to truly put Christ first in their lives is something I'm passionate about, so I couldn't pass this up. I'll keep you all posted...

Planet Wisdom Promo Video

Someone was up to no good at last year's DFW Planet Wisdom Student Conference...



Get ready about the 1:19 mark...and again a bit later...and again toward the end...

www.planetwisdom.com

The Joy of Seeing "Old" Youth...

A few times over the past few years, I've had the privilege of hanging out with former members of the youth ministries I've served. It is always a fun experience. Sometimes it has been as a "guest" of the former youth ministry (like when Missy and I went with the Chapelwood crew to Medieval Times a couple years back), allowing us to simply "be" there and hang out (and not feel "responsible" so much for the group), and at other times, it has been almost more as "friends" (like, when they are in-or even out- of college). Either way, it is a blessing to see them all growing up, and seeing them, sharing old stories, and even occasionally hearing them tell about how something I said or did during my tenure as their youth minister helped their faith is a huge joy.

Well, tonight, we get the honor of joining four former youth from my houston days (2001-2004) at a Texas Rangers game: Jason howeth, Josh hall, Kyle Guest, and Gray Jodon. They are wrapping up a total "guys dream road trip" where they've driven all over the easter part of our country going to baseball games (check out www.eastcoastbaseballroadtrip.blogspot.com and www.eastcoastbaseballroadtrip2008.blogspot.com). Josh and Jason are full-on college vets, and Kyle/Gray are about to start. Missy and Jax are going too, so it will be a fun night all-around (and Jax's first MLB game!).

Great Mission Trip

Fayetteville, Arkansas was awesome last week! A very cool town, and the 100ish teens and adults truly seemed to experience God in a very real way as they blessed others. My two favorite things were probably a) worship on Mt. Sequoia (was not planned until that day; we "punted" and decided to go all unplugged and rustic...), complete with fireflies all around and a cool view of the city/valley below, and b) the fact that this was the first trip where I heard ZERO complaints about work teams...even on trips where folks seem to be getting along, there are at least one or two teams that just seem to not "click"...and I usually hear about it. Not this time...and we had a whopping 12 teams! Woohoo God!

Proud of our Graduates!

I've had four years now of "graduating seniors" (I focused on junior high at my previous "post"...), and each group has had teens I love and am proud of deeply. This year an additional element was in the fray: It was my first group that I've been privileged to go all through high school with.

I always watched and wondered what it would be like to graduate a group like this, one I've walked with for so long. I would see my old boss, Josef, truly be proud of "his" kids back in houston, and while I would also be proud, it wasn't nearly what he felt. I suppose this is just one of those things you never truly "get" until it is your turn...

Well, this year, 2008, it's my turn. I've seen these kids grow so much, and I'm honored to have played a part at all.

Well done!

Proud of our Youth Band!

I just want to salute the folks in ParadigmShift, the youth worship band at our church. They have been working their TAILS OFF getting songs prepped to lead worship at our mission trip to Fayetteville, AR, in a bit more than a week. It has always been a fun group in its' various permutations, but for some reason, it seems like things are "clicking" really well. My hope is that their motivation is truly based on a desire to give God all the glory, and from conversations I've had both corporately and individually, it seems like it is.

Some songs being learned are simply for fun or to set a "mood" (Like, "Sadie hawkins Dance" by Relient K...basically just a good jumpy song to play as folks are arriving at an event), but some are almost giving me chills...in a good way. Today we did a couple new songs (for us), and it was almost like practice itself was meant to worship God with all our might (I mean, I know it ALL should be...but sometimes practice, for better or worse can seem like...well, practice...but today, it was another level...AWESOME!). Songs like "You Never Let Go" by Matt Redman or "Give Me Jesus" by Jeremy Camp were just so moving...so what I needed...I am praying that God speaks through the lyrics and arrangements as we worship in song at mission trip...and that we are singing/playing loudly (and sincerely) back to him!

College Group Night Uno

Well, we actually had a group! It was small (like, myself, my wife, and one recent high school grad...but another was coming and got confused as to the locale and went to the church instead of our house haha!), but I think it was worthwhile. We just hung out a bit, then ate some grilled beef (yummy), salad, and garlic bread (mmmmmm), then as we finished up eating started the Andy Stanley "Breakaway" video. It was a good video...not necessarily geared specifically for college agers though (Missy even said, "This might be better more for mid-20s and up"...and I may agree...), as Andy was obviously speaking to a cross-section of folk at his church. Still, we may watch one more of the series next week before deciding whether to "punt" or not after mission trip...

But last night's lesson was obviously an "intro" to a series, so just like the first movie of a trilogy often is, it's alot of "setup and character development with bits of action dropped in", so I'm hoping for more during the "meat" of the series. Still, I liked the main point, going off of Romans 12:2: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=romans%2012:2&version=31. Just as God calls us to allow him to renew our minds (aka attitudes, beliefs, and thought processes), Andy talked about how our decisions (followed by outcomes) are directly a result of our core beliefs on those issues...and how when we don't always like the outcomes, we usually spend lots of energy on changing the decisions...but not questioning the root beliefs that drove them.

Probably the best example he gave was folks who have been married multiple times. Stanley said that he often meets with folks being married 2, 3, or more times, and when he asks them about what the "common denominator" was in each failed marriage, every time people say, "I keep marrying the wrong person...I'll get it right next time". Andy says that is SOOOOO missing the obvious point...the common denominator isn't the "wrong person" (as they are different people each time...thus not a "common" denominator), it is YOU (as in, the one who keeps getting married). And as a result, the habitual divorcee/er needs to allow God to renovate their core beliefs on that issue...because they can't expect others (the "decision" part of the equation) to always drive the desired outcome. I'm not saying (and I really don't think Andy is either...but like I said he's just setting up the series) that desired outcomes are all about "us" and what we simply want (and just gritting our teeth to get here), but it's about acknowledging and LIVING God's truth in all things...and allowing the outcomes to be "all God"...and resting in his will, no matter what...

so tired that i can't sleep (aka, summer is already becoming crazy...and it's only June 4) *UPDATED*

So here I sit at 12:22 am...exhausted...but can't sleep. And I think at least some of it is due to so many "items" on my list... Some are family related, and not bad or anything...but just trying to "do my part" despite the fact it's summer and I'm busy. Missy's teaching test is soon, for example, and that makes our family schedule tough to nail down as she studies, etc. I also need to find time to visit my sister and nephew (I've only seen him once!), as well as my 91 y/o Granny as much as we can. Some are youth-ministry-responsibility and "lots of big stuff on the horizon to organize" related...lock-in Friday; first mission trip coming up in a week-and-a-half (and having some "iffy" feelings about it for some reason...foe example, I am in charge of worship...and as is often the case when several different Methodist churches gather, they are ALL OVER the board theologically...we tend to run on the conservative side...but every year, at least one church seems to barely even believe in orthodox Christianity and gets all in a tizzy...praying for peace and courage!), another mission trip (that I am directing) in late July that, because of all this other stuff, I have done a poor job getting prepped for; really spending time trying to train, encourage, and raise up teen leaders to take true ownership in our ministry, and it is going well, but still will require lots of planning, practices, brainstorming, and above all, time; and along those lines, continuing to head toward a re:boot of our Sunday evening stuff this fall. And then you always have that "other" stuff out there that you just don't know what to do with...the "what-if's?" of the future, not knowing what God is up to, etc.

So, just a bunch going on, and for some reason, it seems like alot more than usual... What do I do with this? Keep seeking balance, peace, and make sure my faith stays at the forefront... Tough to do, but I know folks will be praying for me (I know some already are...thanks!).

PS: I also think I'm getting sick...sore throat, "icky" feeling, etc...

UPDATE: So I ended up falling asleep at like 2:15...and Jax woke up early (6:55 am). I obviously chose to sleep instead of walk (2nd day in a row...C'MON, BEN!!! But, the walking is still doing wonders, BTW...haven't weighed in a couple days, but last time I was 182...creeping close to the sub-180 threshold I have only been to ONCE post-marriage, in the summer of 2006 for like 2 days haha.), but despite the lack of sleep (and I BETTER get some good rest before Friday or I'm really in trouble for the Lock-In), as often is the case, this post was quite cathartic, almost like a prayer, and despite the fact that there IS alot on my/our plate...I feel better, more at peace, and motivated...so woohoo God for helping ease my mind...

My throat is still hurting though :-(

Trying to Start Something for our College-Aged Folk (will it take????)

The church I serve in I suppose is like most churches out there. In some areas, they do a bang-up job and are setting some trends/examples for others to aspire to. In other areas, they simply drop the ball.

One area our church struggles with is ministering to "college-aged" (18-23ish?) young adults. And while I can't truly start and run a new ministry to them (my teen ministry responsibilities basically negate that), I also can't sit idly any longer.

I think it started really bugging me early last summer (2007). I had been in my current church for 3 years as youth minister, but hadn't really "graduated" any teens that I was especially close with. I mean, sure, I knew them, loved them, etc., but they weren't the "core" group (if you are in youth ministry, you know what I mean...we don't play favorites, but some kiddoes just gravitate and "resonate" toward you more...). Well, last year, I had some of my first graduates that I was especially close with move on...and there was nothing at our church for them. Well, not entirely true: earlier that year, I expressed some vision for a true "young adults" ministry and even had "names" brought to me that I sensed God was giving me...so I prayed, swallowed hard, and shared the vision with those people. And they agreed! The problem was that we probably truly needed two separate groups: college/young singles, and "young marrieds-and/or older singles". My wife attended this group for awhile, and would tell me of the awkwardness of the class...where you had 30+ aged folks with young kids trying to relate discussion with an 18 y/o single still quite immature...now, I affirm the need to "multi-generalize" our church cultures more for sharing of gifts and wisdom, but I also see the value in something age/group specific. Well, apparently the vast differences in "where folks were at" was too great...and the class basically withered away...

So, we were left with nothing again.

Then this school year, I started noticing some college-age folks wandering into our Sunday School class...at first, I didn't know what to do, as a) this was geared more for teens (at least in theory) and b) our risk management policies have guidelines for things like age-difference requirements for adults in the same room as kids, etc...and I wasn't sure how college students worked into that.

Well, first thing is I decided to go ahead and just let the college folk attend our Sunday School under the conditions of a) I tell each one I expect them to be a leader and an example above-and-beyond the youth, almost like a pseudo-adult leader. As a result, I tell them I won't be afraid to call them on the carpet harsher than I might a youth if they are "bringing down" the teens, and possibly ask them to move on if it becomes a problem (it hasn't). But, with nothing for them on Sunday mornings...except for one of the adult classes (some good classes and folks...but we have a huge generation gap at our church...20s and 30s are VERY rare for the most part...), I just decided to let them in until someone with authority comes to me saying it isn't right, etc.

Another thing I decided to implement for the summer months (when we have a decent chunk of college-agers around), with my wife's blessing, is a "college-aged discussion/study group" meeting weekly at our home. Tonight is supposed to be the first one. I think it could be really great...although I am a bit fearful that for tonight, it will be sparsely attended (day after high school graduation/"project graduation" all-night party, lots saying they have to work, etc.). And I even have some fears (I know...fear is DUMB...just being honest...I do have hope as well!) that this group will become what so many "startups" in our church seem to be: There are exceptions, but one quality I've noticed in four years here is that many folks have vision, ideas, purpose, etc., about new-or-adapted ministry ideas and opportunities, and often folks seem to "like" the new ideas-at least on the surface level. But, it's almost like folks struggle to truly "buy into" anything new or groundbreaking. Won't do what it takes to "make it happen", like sensing a call to plug into a ministry, so they re-arrange some personal stuff to insure their participation...maybe (and, probably) that isn't unique to our church, but it sure happens alot. I kinda wonder if it happens to this group as well. I say that due to conversations I've had...many folks seemed really excited about this group when I announced it to them a couple months back. And when I started asking for "date and time" ideas for the group, almost no one had an opinion..."just tell us, Ben, and we'll be there". Well, now folks are having to work, or scheduling outings with friends...etc. I know you can't help some stuff...but I guess for me, if there is something I TRULY want to be a part of, I do all I can to rearrange...ask off for Tuesdays instead of Thursdays, for example...or say you're busy on group night (or even, gasp!, invite your friend to our group!), etc. I know I'm being kinda weird, and I know God will send who needs to be there...I'm just praying and hoping for all of them :-). I also know some of this hesitation is due to the unknown...we have never had a group like this...and these folks likely want to make sure it is worth their time...and I do understand...

So, I'm praying for this to be a blessing to our college folk... Simply put, I love these folk and want them to have a place to grow their faith in an intimate, honest, group setting. I am excited...these folks are very special to me...and I know college can be a "make or break" time for one's faith...college is when my wife became a follower of Christ, and while I did in high school, it was during my college years where God really began working on me, my utter allegiance and dependence on him, etc...

I'll keep you posted.

...and then there was summer

Ah, summer...can't live with it, can't be in youth ministry without it...

Summer is such a bittersweet time. On one hand, you get to see God work in very real and tangible ways (like on a mission trip), you get to do some fun stuff (concerts, waterparks, simply hanging with students a bunch), I tend to lose weight simply do to the non-stop nature of it all, etc. But on the other hand it is NON-STOP. high energy. Lock-ins. Being away from family for days at a time. And in Texas, it is hot hot hot! And any reader of this blog for at least a few months knows my favorite time of year is not these next three months (http://haphazardangus.blogspot.com/2007/09/why-fall-aka-autumn-is-my-favorite-time.html).

One thing that I always notice during the summer is that I don't do a good job cultivating my own soul. I go all out for the teens I serve, and try to leave some "soul" in the tank for my fam, but when it comes to me, I struggle. I mean, it's not like I forget my faith or anything, but it seems like any growth is simply "event-based", or in small doses. But I struggle to just STOP and "be" with God. So, in front of all 4 of you :-), I make a resolution to try and halt that pattern this year. One thing that does recharge me, believe it or not, is this blog, even when posts are not overtly "spiritual". As my blog goes, so often my pursuit of God goes...and if you want to see how summer can negatively affect this, just look at how rare posts are from last summer...

So here's to a summer of SOUL! Will you join me in refusing to let the busyness and heat of summer zap your soul dry?

Planet Wisdom 2008 Recap, Parenting Ministry News

(By the way, I'm posting a bunch this morning, and this early, due to it raining all night long, and at this moment...I have been running every morning around 6 am and it feels GREAT...but alas, I am stuck inside for now...)

Well, another Planet Wisdom...another great time (maybe my favorite of the four I've been to????). We took a record (for us) number of folks, and all came back jazzed up. Not as many "responses" as in past years ("new Christians", or folks needing to recommit, etc.), but that's fine, as the overall makeup of our group this year seemed to be ones that are ready for the next "leap" in their fillowing of Jesus...and I'm excited. Really, before this weekend, I was about as excited as I've been in a LONG time about doing youth ministry...and now, even more so...

The theme was "Becoming More", using pottery-making (complete with a demonstration with a pottery wheel and everything that was a perfect visual metaphor) to show us the tension (often good) that exists between God, our creator, and ourselves, with water used to shape the clay representing grace. It was really cool.

Mark Matlock, the main teacher, was really "on". I mean, he's always been great, but man he just nailed it this year...as did the always hilarious, thought-provoking SKIT GUYS! In fact, they won a contest for Southwest Airlines, producing a commercial...here it is (love it!): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEuAwj2imbY

Anyways, wonderful time. On a side note, Mark, while speaking at a youth leader "only" meeting, brought up a new vision for his Generation hope parent seminars (and actually name-dropped me-hahaha, saying it was the Weatherford conference, along with other conversations he and I had, that were a big part of this new vision), involving the training of 100 youth ministry vets to actually become a team of Generation hope seminar leaders...able to REALLY spread out and effect thousands of families, as he can only do a few such conferences a year. Needless to say I texted Mark "sign me up for this parenting thing",as he was speaking, and right after he left the room I got a, "U got it" return text...it will involve training prior to a 2008 Youth Specialties Convention, and the target "launch" date is 2009... One aspect I actually liked is that the idea isn't for me to lead a seminar at my home church, but rather other churches...and focusing on "follow up coffees/discussions" at home base. I like that, as while I sense I have good relationships with most of the families I serve, I do think some would have trouble getting past the "goofy youth guy" leading a parenting seminar...but at another place? Sure...

I truly feel like this is becoming more a part of my calling: ministering to families as a whole. I still focus on teens, but increaingly am in conversation with parents, and who knows, maybe after youth min is "done", I can transistion into a more "family-wide" dynamic... We will see...

youth ministry questions, rants, fears, dreams, etc...

For some time now, I've been somewhat discontent with the state of the youth ministry I serve. Not that God isn't evident in it (he is), but more of a sense that something is amiss. Yet, I have had difficulty nailing it down. Am I just tired? Am I losing the kids? Am I afraid that if we "blow things up and start over", it will fail? Will powers-that-be start questioning my worth on staff (or at least at this salary) if "numbers" decline (even if the core group is growing spiritually like never before)?

Well, after reading this http://whatiskingdom.blogspot.com/2008/01/breaking-point-youth-ministry-rant.html, I at least know I'm not alone in my frustration with how youth ministry has been "done" over the last several years.

There have been so many ministry models attempted over the years, and at one point they were quite successful. Some models (and my experience) include:

*** Ministries encorporating lots of fun-and-games or cool "outings" so kids would want to be there, bring their friends, etc. I have definitely done this, and usually unapologetically. But to what end? Sure, sometimes new folks come and have a good time, but few of those guests ever come to any of the more spiritual offerings. And also, I'm running out of "tricks" (and believe me, it bothers me that I even feel like I have to use the term "trick" to speak of what we do to get teens in the door). Fun ideas are running their course...and you can only recycle so much...

*** Pure Relational Ministry. You know, the Young Life model (well, part of it...). Go to schools every day, as many sporting events/band concerts/plays/recitals/etc. as you can muster, make sure you are "seen" by parents (so they go, "wow, he really cares about my kid!"), etc. Is it worth it? Well, certainly it can be, but one thing I've noticed lately is the amount of kids who don't seem to care if you are there. Not that I do it to feel good about myself, but there are just some kids (and maybe this isn't new really...just noticing it lately) that seem to not care no matter what efforts are made to speak into their lives. Another thing that keeps me from really doing this style of ministry anymore is time/family. When I was single, i did go to lunches each week, to games/events often, and even just grab kids and hang out. But now... family responsibilities are too great. Oh sure, you find tve occasional "super youth minister" who is married with 3 kids and still goes out three nights a week to events, is gone four weeks a summer at camps, trips, etc., but my guess is that if you were to ask their kids or wife, they'd probaly wish dad/hubby paid more attention to family... I'm sad to even know a few youth ministry-families that are pretty dysfunctional in the name of "relational youth ministry at all costs". I know of some families where a minister's own children are almost neglected (and they rebel as a result) due to this priority. I even know of a few divorces because of it. Sad. Is this what it takes?

*** Big-flash-bang-bells-and-whistles Ministry. I struggle here, because I admit (and I hear my kids say similar things when they visit youth groups like this, go to conferences, etc.) I can be impressed, see the energy, love the band/speaker/video/skits, etc. But muchcare needs to be taken, and too easily I know ministries that either fall prey to being a "slave to technology" or numbers, or worse, start a ministry with those as the main priorities ("We need more folks here! Let's buy a bunch of cool gear, make a slick production, and hope a million folks show up!"). I even confess that while one of our ministry events (Elevation) may evolve into more of an "event" with music, video, etc., I do have a fear it will become about being "slick" to attract teens, etc.

So what is it? Making disciples. Problem is there is no formula or model for it. And in today's western society, it is getting more difficult for God's message to break through. Does he still speak? ABSOLUTELY! But the distractions/priorities/desires/attitudes are so great. I see it my the kids I serve. Such as...

Money/Affluence. Is being rich evil? Well, not in itself...but I do think it can make it difficult to truly surrender to God. I have (and have had in past ministries) kids that are slaves to "stuff", status, etc., and yet don't consider themselves rich because while their dad brings home a million bucks a year, the guy down the street brings home ten million and owns multiple homes, cars, etc. It's all about comparing yourself to the next level up... Yet despite not feeling "rich", nice cars are expected upon arriving at age 16, stuff is "boring" if it isn't top-of-the-line", and even attitudes toward others suffer as one's high expectations vome into play, like how waiters are treated, etc. It's also really difficult to even truly acknowledge one's sin and need for redemption when, well, you've got everything you "need"...

Technology. Video games, internet, text messaging, etc. I know so many kids that seem to all ow their entire lives to be governed by games, or networking sites (Facebook, MySpace, etc.), or always texting or talking on cell phones, etc. Bad in itself? Well, like almost anything, not in itself...but I know kids that are so into games they would probably not eat or sleep if their parents never said "enough!". Or looking at inappropriate, damaging-to-the-soul websites all night long, or even acting like "rules don't apply" in how they talk to others on IM, or texting, or facebook...seems like people want those places to be "zones" where gossip is ok, or bad language, or simply lying about yourself to appear cool to someone... All of this is evidence we are sick and don't naturally want to seek God's way.

Quest for "success" at all costs. This is something hitting home lately. Seems like kids nowadays think "anything goes" in the quest for winning, getting ahead, etc. And they get it from all over, TV, music, movies, coaches, teachers, and (gasp) parents. For example, when our youth group plays games, it seems tvat the underlying goal to kids is to both a) see what I can "get away with" (aka cheat) so I can win and b) tattle on others I catch cheating (often same kid does both). But, this is what they've been fed. Coaches teach this. Parents even encourage it, because it's "the way the world works". I'm sorry, what again happened to honesty???

Overall Busyness. Simply put, people have too much going on nowadays. It's not that kids used to have nothing to do, but it seemed there used to be less "stuff". Now, there are daily practices, tons of homework (I don't remember having as much homework as these kids...), even things scheduled during the once-untouchable summer break. It is just difficult for a teen to set time aside for spiritual growth and community building.

So, I feel the pain of the blogger I linked at the beginning of this post. And I am certainly NOT immune to some of the above distractions creeping into my life. I just think I need to seek God with all I've got on issues like this, trust his direction, and move forward without fear. And fear is the kicker. Fear of "losing kids". Fear of my job being seen as not-necessary if "numbers suffer" ("how come we pay him full-time and benefits, when our part-time folks get more people in their ministry?") Fear of, essentially, "jumping the shark" and messing things up. But I need to allow God to give me peace and faithully, obidiently move forward in seeking the best way to minister to folks, where tvey are loved, understand their great worth, and ultimately give Jesus their entire selves...

Just this morning (after I had already worked out this post in my head), I saw an example of God at work in what we do: a youth (a girl, as I could tell by the writing) snuck in and left me a creation based on yesterday's Sunday School lesson. I was so moved...almost to tears of gratefulness. God does still move in the youth ministry of First United Methodist Church in Weatherford, Texas...even in the midst of confusion, concern, frustration, and distraction. And he still moves whereever you are, too.

:-)

What is "Family Ministry"?

This is something I have been working on (and still developing) that I thought I'd share... I realize some of these thoughts exist in an earlier post, but this is more "hashed out".

What is “Family Ministry”?

This is a question that is perplexing many in the Christian world these days.

Often, it is really just traditional “children’s ministry”, with activities for young children, mother’s day-out programs, and occasional family outings. In fact, in viewing many church websites, their children’s ministry is actually labeled as “family ministry”. But I don’t think that is the answer to my question. That isn’t family ministry, but just an aspect of it.

Many times, parents who label themselves as Christian have not truly made proactive decisions to truly live their family lives in a holistic, Jesus-following manner. They have compartmentalized their lives (i.e., different “rules” of living based upon areas of life, like work, sports, certain friends, etc.) and any attempts to integrate faith into the family dynamic seem to be weak attempts at best (such as dropping children off at “church activities”, and assuming that’s enough). In the past, that may have been “enough” as far as parents’ attitudes were concerned, but I think that time is at an end. Increasingly, both in research I’ve seen and informal conversations with parents of my generation (born in the 1970s and later), the desire is present to integrate faith into one’s whole being, not just church things. This carries over into one’s marriage and raising of children as well. And now is the time to truly seek God’s wisdom on how to make the most of this desire, and not squander it.

What might true family ministry look like? There is certainly no formula, but some aspects could include:

· Embracing the entire family organism, not just children, youth, or adult specific. Any family ministry should seek to encourage parents to truly embrace their God-ordained role as the primary spiritual guides within the family.
· Working with other ministries (all life stages involving the family unit) to encourage opportunities that strengthen the family dynamic, not tear it apart further. Essentially, evaluate existing programs to see if any cause undue stress on the family (financially, temporally, relationally, spiritually) and make suggestions where necessary.

· Provide arenas for parents to discover, encourage, and strengthen:
· Ways to disciple each other and their children
· Marriage enrichment;
· Education about current and future trends that may be embraced (or warned about);
· The importance of living a holistic life of faith.
· Offer counseling (or have reputable referral contacts available).
· Schedule regular retreats, workshops, conferences, etc., to assist in achieving goals.
· Have parent-specific small groups where parents can gather to become stronger disciples, discuss issues, share ideas, thoughts, and encouragement, and to foster accountability
· Parent mentoring made available, possibly in connection with small groups (mentioned above).

Many challenges form the holy scriptures exist, but two that could be used as both encouragements and goals can be found in Colossians 3:19-21 (19Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.
20Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
21Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.---NIV) and Ephesians 6:1-3 (1Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2"Honor your father and mother"—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3"that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”).
If we can truly embrace these godly challenges, the change would be amazing. Our greatest witness is our lives, and we need to do all we can to encourage families to be the standard bearers. Healthy, Spirit-led families who are proactive in their lives of faith would certainly be used by God to show his power, might, and love to all around us.

An Exploration of "Family Ministry"

For about a year-and-a-half now, I've been in a bit of a "holding pattern" as far as seeking things that stir my heart up ministry-wise. I have still been in the arena of youth ministry, and there are absolutely still areas of teen-specific ministry give me great joy (especially seeing "light bulbs" going off, watching kids be more-and-more willing to step out of their comfort zone for God, etc.). But as far as "where to go from here"-goes, newer aspects, etc., it has been a blur.



Could it be starting to change?



Could my ministry focus, even in the world of youth ministry, be shifting a bit?



It might be. Increasingly, I am sensing a greater need to focus on true "family ministry"--not what most consider as family ministry (basically, "children's ministry", if you look at most churches), but a true ministry focusing on the entire family dynamic: both kids AND parents. Most churches have, for various reasons, basically seperated the family. It's not that they meant to break it up so much; I think they just thought about how teens, younger kids, and adults were "different". And they are! But as a result, the family got split up, and maybe more importantly, parents went into an "adult ministry" world that seemed to stray from directing parents to be the God-ordained primary spiritual teachers, leaders, and example for their family. Instead, the focus was more "self" (not all bad; we certainly, CERTAINLY need to work on our own relationship with God), focusing on personal needs, instead of intentially raising up Godly parents. Instead, "raising children to be disciples of Jesus" became about dropping your kids off at some youth ministry. And we youth ministers were (and are) glad to oblige.



I just think we've been missing something.



In a very un-scientific study made by me (basically, watching families over my past 10 or so years of youth-specific ministry), I have noticed a couple things:



1) Many (note NOT ALL) parents who are, say, 10-15+ years older than I (so, 40s and up), while increasingly are "wishing" they saw their role as parents to be a truly God-ordained call to "show their family the Way" through intentional instruction, by living their own lives as examples their kids and spouse could observe, and seek a holistic life of faith, for the most part they did not start off that way. Back in the 80s and much of the 90s, new adults were thrown into a society that was so "me" focused, material-gain focused, etc., and the lingering effects are being seen today. Oh sure, those issues still exist, but they were cultivated during that era with alarming effect. So, as a result, many true Jesus-followers born out of that era never really grasped their role as primary faith-leader in their families when their marriages started, children were born, etc. And churches didn't seem to put real energy into changing anything beyond "lip-service". So, parents would maybe pray some at meals, attend church when they flet like it-- like when it didn't fall during "deer season" (or some other animal to shoot), or if your favorite pro football team wasn't on TV at noon-- and drop their kids at the "Godly babysitting service" that is children/youth ministry, and pat themselves on their backs for doing a good job spiritually raising their families.



2) I have noticed that at increaing rates, parents who are in their 20s and 30s with young children that identify themselves as Christ-followers are not satisfied with that model. I see increasing numbers of families truly seeking (or at least "wanting to know 'how'") to make their families a place where Jesus is followed, proclaimed, and sought after in all areas of life, and thus their children at least are encouraged in that direction proactively. Slowly, churches are starting to notice, and some (usually the ones big enough to afford it) are even hiring "family pastors" whose main role is to encourage families to truly be God-focused.



Both, I realize, are vast generalizations (certainly there are plenty of older parents whose families are bathed in an environment where Jesus is King, as well as plenty of young families who don't give a rip) as far as Christian families go. But I do see it as a trend.



"What do I have to do with it"? Well, future-wise, still not sure, but in my current role, I think something new needs to begin. And I'm talking to myself as well, as one who desires to answer God's call to be the "Davis Family Minister" so my wife and kid are in an enviroment where God is the focus of all our life, decision making, how we treat others, etc.



Well, after listening to God for the past few months and working to see this through, the youth ministry is bringing in a gifted writer and communicator, Mark Matlock (http://www.wisdomworks.org/), to share his Generation Hope parent conference to our community (http://www.fumcweatherford.org/genhope.aspx). I am very excited, although I am already fighting the naysayers (both personal and "others") that would tell me that it's a "nice idea", but probably won't generate much interest. Regardless, I see this as answering God's call, and pray it will be a catalyst to something bigger: parents in our community truly grasping their God-given role to raise their families with Him permeating everything. So, whether our Family Life Center is full on Sept. 22nd, or if its a gathering of just a few, my hope is that God will start a revolution among our families...I know the Davis' want to be a part of it, at least. Stay tuned...

A Tension that Exists in Youth Ministry

I am called to ministry, to serve God and others in the name of Jesus. Currently (and for the past 11+ years), the “venue” has been youth ministry. Looking back, I can certainly see the growth that has occurred in my own life and in the “way” I participated in ministry, etc. At first I was just happy that God called at all, but didn’t do much. My Young Life years (to me) were a joke (1995-1997). YL’s mantra is essentially, “Do all you can to get into the world of teenagers”, by going to as many games, events, lunches, slurpee runs, etc., as possible. Well, as a college student who quite enjoyed lots of “down time hanging with my buds”, I struggled with that. Oh sure, I tried some, but I never felt I lived up to the “superhero” standard that so many YL leaders seemed to have for themselves (and as a result, others in the YL ministry). I was called on the carpet a few times, actually, for how I wasn’t doing enough. The thing is that while many teens were reached, what I witnessed in the life of the leaders themselves was usually the fact that their own families (if married) got put on the “back burner”, and I know of several divorces (or at least, “strained family relationships”) due to this style of ministry. Or, the older, single leaders stayed, well, single, because they just couldn’t settle down. Now, there is nothing wrong with being single, and I do know many YL families that “work” because all members are on board with this lifestyle. But for me…nope… One thing that YL does well in though, as a result of this style, is that they LIVE alongside the teens they serve. They are almost fully in their world.

Since then, I have moved, gotten married, had a kid, struggled, found success, found hardship, found passion, grown, fallen-back, you name it. It has been a roller coaster, but I can say that overall I feel that I have continued to learn and grow in ministry (and in life). One main way I have grown is that my focus seems to be shifting from the, “Be the teen’s buddy at all costs so they think you are cool and ‘trust’ you”, to more of a focus on the “whole family”, especially partnering with parents as they seek to be the spiritual leaders their kids so desperately need. And it may seem cliché, but a lot of this growth in my is due to that fact that I am a father now. Simply put, having kids changes everything in one’s perspective, and I can honestly say that even as a married, but childless, man I did not understand why ministering to parents, too, was vital. Not anymore…(blame Jackson, my 2 ½ year-old, haha).

But there is still a great tension when doing ministry, including youth ministry. The tension is this: Do I do anything, at all costs, to get kids to “like me” so they trust me, feel comfortable around me, able to open up, and enjoy my presence? Or…do I almost become a “parent-spy” in the world of teens (which I sense some parents want me to be), getting into their world, confronting them, letting parents in on all the scary things going on, etc. I obviously think those examples are the "extremes" here, and that there is a balance I should seek as a goal…but it is a hard tension to deal with, as whenever one starts getting parents more in the picture, the teens tend to lose trust, feel betrayed (“dude, why did you have to tell my parents??!!!”). Yet, when I am too much of a “buddy”, the kids don’t seem to see me as a true authority figure, and think they can just do/say whatever around me. While I do like that they think they can be “themselves” around me, sometimes who they are simply isn’t what they need to be all the time…and when I call them on it, I wonder if they “hear” it when I am the “buddy”. Also, I know that parents, while glad their kids like their youth minister, get frustrated with me only being the “buddy” to their children. Some parents truly are living the biblical command to be the primary spiritual teachers to their kids (BRAVO!), others are trying but aren’t’ really sure how to do it (so I hope to help and encourage them where I can), some have “given up” trying (or so it seems), and others seem to think that since I am “paid” to do this, that all they have to do as spiritual leaders to their family is drop them off at youth events, preferably fun ones, that get their kids out of their hair. So, you hopefully can see the tension here.

Lately this tension has been more at the forefront. It just seems that I am increasingly becoming more of an authoritative leader to the youth, and I have had to call lots of them out on their behavior, attitudes, etc. While many kids respond positively (because there is trust), I can’t help but have fear that, “One of these days, they will start seeing me as just a step-below ‘parent’ and thus shut me out, too”. In some cases, that may have already happened. I am seeking the balance, but as I said earlier, I am increasingly seeing my ministry calling as being more than just “youth”. I am called to serve the family in general right now, so I must walk in the midst of all this tension. I am definitely praying for much wisdom on this, as I know I will mess up some, and sometimes do the “right thing”, but cause some relational strain in the process. But I can’t sit back any longer. I love the people (kids and parents alike) simply too much to do or say nothing. And I feel that that is my role/job/responsibility as one in the position I am in. I am a minister. Yeah, in the denomination I currently serve, I am not a “real” minister (haven’t sold my soul to the denomination just to get “credentialed”, hehe), but that is what I am nonetheless. And I would hope that all those I walk in faith alongside would expect nothing less…

When Your "Calling" is Hard to Follow

I truly believe that God called me into ministry as a "vocation". What I mean is that while I think that all who profess to be Christians are called to ministry, some are called to have it as their "job": working in a church, or some para-church ministry, etc. That's where I have always sensed God's voice leading me. Right now it is with teenagers; increasingly I wonder if whatever (and whenever) "next" is, if it will be in another arena/age group/etc. But the main thing is that while serving in "the local church" certainly opens your eyes to some not-fun things (we are all a bunch of not-perfect humans, you know) that one would hope don't happen among God's people, I still would feel "lost" not serving in some sort of ministry capacity. Right now it is as "paid worker", and while I have to be open to something else than "paid", I don't sense that happening...

Well, my "calling" is truly being tested now. Not in an, "I wonder if I am really called"-type way, more in a, "Dang, this is hard right now"-type way. Details are not the point, but let's just say there are some circumstances among those I walk in faith with that are really coming to the surface now and forcing me to obey my call on a deeper level. And it is scary. I often worry about "what I should do", or about what might happen if I do/say the wrong thing, or say too much when I just need to shut up and listen. I also fear not doing or saying enough... "What if I say something that makes the situation worse? What if I 'call folks on the carpet' too much and we 'lose them' from the community as a result?" Then, fear about my job status comes into play. If I say the wrong things, or nothing at all, I risk making situations worse, and folks could be hurt in the process. If I say too much, or maybe too "confrontationally" (is that a word? I just made it up if not...), I risk folks getting mad and leaving...and we all know that when the "numbers" get smaller, the leader (me) gets questioned. So essentially this is all a "fear of the unknown" problem I am having right now. What do I need to do? Go to the Source. Go to the scriptures...and see what God has to say to me...

25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[a]?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.***Matthew 6:25-34 (NIV); http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%206:25-34;&version=31;

18On my account you will be brought before governors and kings as witnesses to them and to the Gentiles. 19But when they arrest you, do not worry about what to say or how to say it. At that time you will be given what to say, 20for it will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you.***Matthew 10:18-20 (NIV); http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=47&chapter=10&verse=18&end_verse=20&version=31&context=context

10He who descended is the very one who ascended higher than all the heavens, in order to fill the whole universe.) 11It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, 12to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up***Ephesians 4:10-12 (NIV); http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=56&chapter=4&verse=10&end_verse=12&version=31&context=context

I often hold tight to the "do not worry"-passages...and I need to now. I also need to trust that the Spirit will give me (or is already giving me) the words to say, and to again not worry... This is where I need to live always, but especially in times like these. If anyone reads this and considers themselves a "praying person", feel free to lift me up to be open to God's Voice at this time, to be comforted by Him, and to remember my calling... and feel free to pray the same for yourself (as we are ALL called by God to something...).

Kerrville with 9 others

First, later this morning Missy and I will be taking a trip that we have wanted to put on for several years now: a sort-of "retreat" with some senior highs from our church. There will be an additional adult with us and 7 teens. I am excited. One of the hopes is that we can all just "get away" to a fun, relaxing setting up in the hills, which should be great. Even if it rains alot (might the first day or so), there are lots of games, we will have movies, plenty of rooms to hang in, etc. Oh yeah, and the NCAAs are firing up later in the week, so much good ESPN Bracketology to watch (I will post my "scientific method" bracket when I get back; you'll just have to trust me that I won't change anything...since it will be after games start). We won't have much scheduled-stuff, but two things I hope to have happen each day are a) one good discussion about "leadership" with the teens, as I truly believe that God has given us these kids to talk with about it this week, and b) a daily, solo, walk on my parent's cool "prayer path".

Planet Wisdom 2007 Debrief

Wow. The Wisdom Works team hit another homerun. If you wonder what I speak of, each year we take a group of students to the Planet Wisdom Conference (www.planetwisdom.com), and so far we are 3-for-3 as far as incredible experiences. Mark Matlock is simply a great communicator for any age bracket, the Skit Guys (www.skitguys.com) are just hilarious and thought provoking at the same time, it's fun to be worshipping with a few thousand teens and adults in a rockin' atmosphere (not that I dispise more "traditional" worship, but for me, I do love the rock band...), and a new "tag-team" speaker, Sean McDowell, was actually better than I expected (and believe it or not, most of our kids seemed to resonate with him better than Mark!).

One thing that was such a joy to experience this year was that the messages seemed to hit home for such a large portion of our kids. I mean, they always "take something" from PW, but this year's theme of "What Does God Want From Me?", dealing with things like the Great Commandment (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%2022:36-40;&version=31;), Great Commission (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%2028:16-20;&version=31;), and Micah 6:8 (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=40&chapter=6&verse=8&version=31&context=verse). So often (more than usual) I found myself thinking/praying, "Oh God, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE have these kids hearing you right now!" And, as always, you have your certain ones that you feel need to hear certain things, and even if they have heard them from a) their parents and b) their youth minister (and thus usually ignoring it), it is good to hear the same stuff from "another source", and those kids I feel "heard" those messages and began pondering the implications.

SIDE COMMENT: This year the conference was at Irving Bible Church (http://www.irvingbible.org/), which for many of our kids was their first experience in a "mega-church" environment, with varying opinions. Some were just in awe of all the "bells and whistles", of the different environment, etc., while others were vocally harsh ("It doesn't feel like a church...", "...couldn't they be spending their money on more useful things?", etc.). It actually provided some good discussion fodder, expecially on the "judgement" theme. I myself have varying opinions on mega-churches (future post?), but more often than not I give them the "benefit of the doubt" and seek to find the positives. I don't think it is my business, for example, to judge how money is used unless I KNOW FOR A FACT it is being "wasted" on fluff... I also think that while more traditional churches with steeples, pews, icons, etc. are great and reach many folks who would never st foot in a church like IBC, there are equally (and maybe more) folks who are willing to set foot in an IBC-esque church WAY before a traditional church, and thus hear the story of God... So, it is not my job to decide which way is "best"... God's Word is being taught to folks in both arenas...good enough for me!

(for what it's worth, I thought IBC was VERY cool...maybe a bit-too, "why go hang out in 'the world'...we have everyhting here!", for me at times (like, workout facilities, coffee cafes, etc...not against them, but folks might just "go there" instead of having coffe with the rest of the world, being salt and light there...), but still cool. I saw some unique ways to "remind" us of various things (like the "Monsters, Inc." doors...loved that), the big "TAKE ACTION" sign as you left, the wonderful opportunities to serve others in the world EVERYWHERE in the church, and the fact that IBC is bucking the trend of most non-denoms by actually embracing some ancient traditions, like Lent (signs up all over...).