Missing my Bible

Helllloooooo world. I'm back. It has been a good, busy summer. I have remained silent for longer than usual, but not for some of the typical reasons (aka, "spiritually dry"). Well, some of the lull is a result of busyness, but much of it was a proactive decision to just "sit" on some things for a bit. Simply put, I didn't want to post "just because". I think in the last few months I caught myself saying, "Well, I have to post something...", and as a result just wrote things that may not have had time to peculate. Oh, nothing scandalous or bad, just..."there"...

Well, I'm back. I won't promise how much of often, but I am ready to get back into my typical "school year routine" in the morning, which usually includes some permutation of coffee/classical-jazz-ambient-celtic music to inspire (aka "autumn morning")/reading/prayer/pondering/writing. I make efforts to minimize TV watching, and to, of course, let Jackson sleep (haha).

One thing is lacking from that routine as I begin again, however. My bible. You see, I think I left it on our junior high mission trip. Oh sure, I think I can call the place I left it and retrieve it fairly easily...but I keep forgetting for some reason. I have been trying to keep up with my spiritual feeding through books, listening to sermons via podcast, etc., but I noticed one thing last year that, for some reason in all the years of me following Jesus, I neglected to appreciate as much as I should.

Spending real, honest, prayerful time in the scriptures.

I mean, sure, I read it at times, and pondered many other times (although usually as a result of conversation, or a message, etc.), but had sadly struggled in all my years to make a true conscious point to study God's word as a vital part of my life. I mean, I would often try, using all kinds of tools, assists, study aids, devotional books, and plans, but they would always start off strong, then a few weeks later become something I just "did" and would not ponder. And before you knew it (usually after a month or so), I would skip a couple days and whammo, there goes my scripture time. And honestly, I would end up rationalizing and say something like, "Oh well, I still believe it all. I get to church a lot and have many deep, spiritual conversations, so I will be ok." And generally, I was. But this last year or so, I finally felt compelled to say, "Enough!" to all the excuses. I was tired of reading get-to-know-you surveys from others that seemed to honestly list "the Bible" as one's favorite book...when I would rather read sci fi or war novels or epic stories of elves and hobbits and knights.

So, I prayed for God to grant me the desire to truly dive into his divine revelation. And, he did!

So now, as I embark on another "school year" (not for me, but for my family, as my wife works at a school and my son prepares for his last year of pre-K), I am seeking God's help in re-igniting that passion. But, as I said, my Bible of choice is AWOL. Sure, there are others around, and if all else fails, I can hit up a store and get another one, but for those who have made it a point to dive into scripture on a personal level, it is hard to leave your "trusted, beat-up, marked-up" bible... So I will call the place I left it today...(ask me to see if I did!)

Charles Spurgeon, a famous preacher from the 1800s, said, "I bible that is in shambles is usually owned by someone whose life is not" (or, something like that...forgive me if the quote is not 100%). Prayerfully, I hope that is true of me, as my AWOL Bible is pretty marked up and "not pretty". Also, while exercising the other day and listening to one of the sermons I podcast, the pastor was talking on perseverance out of 2 Peter. He said (and not in an arrogant way) that ever since he met Christ at age 19, he had never backslid. He had sinned, sure, but never once walked away from the Lord, denied Christ, anything like that. His wife, on the other hand, had a time in her life (before they met) where she felt like she did wander away. He struggled to understand how she could do that once a believer, and she likewise wondered how he could not. So, in their conversation, he asked his wife, "What was the one thing missing that assisted in you straying from God?" He answer? She wasn't in her bible.

My response? I can see that. The bible itself isn't magic, but the Holy Spirit speaks through the words. We are encouraged, challenged, convicted through God's revelation to us humans. But, if we don't spend time in it, and I mean way more than just checking-off that we "read our bible today", well, I can completely see how we open up our hearts to straying, or at least, a "meh" attitude toward the things of God...

Have I kept Jesus on my mind? Oh, sure. I am grateful that in this past couple weeks of "little/no bible", God has kept a desire in my heart to not become "meh" through the podcasts and the reading of books (I am currently re-visiting "Don't Waste Your Life" by Piper, discussing it with a college student I know, and also attempting to read one of the Christian "fathers", Augustine...). But, I miss my bible. I know that nothing I can read will compare...

The War Against Stickers (Re-Posted and Slightly Updated)

I realize it has been less than a year since this was posted, but in both a literal (aka, the stickers in my yard are firing up again and the 2009 sticker battle is upon us) and metaphorical spiritually sense (some me, sure, but seems like many folks in my life are needing this challenge right now), this post, one of my favorites, is timely...

As anyone living in North Texas (especially areas that are more rural, or at least recently were) can relate, sticker weeds are a BIG problem in yards. When we moved to our current home in winter 2005, we barely had a yard at all, and what we did have was mostly dirt and stickers. We tried all kinds of things. We dropped seeds. Spread fertilizer and "weed-and-feed". Even sought advice from others...my Granny read about using "dried molasses"...and we did. We hydro-mulched the yard with Bermuda grass hoping it would take over...and to a point it did...but the stickers remained. Occasionally we would have "sticker pulling sessions", but no matter how much we gritted our teeth and tried to pull them, it was always only a fraction of the problem...a multitude of stickers remained. In the front yard, it wasn't as much of an issue since we didn't spend much time there, but our back yard was often "unplayable" to us (especially our young son) due to stickers...

But we didn't give up.

This spring, my wife went to a local nursery and asked about further anti-sticker strategies, specifically so we could win the fight in the back yard so Jackson could run amok at will. She was shown a method that was risky, almost illegal (apparently not though), and had to be done a certain way. Well, we did it (you'll have to ask Missy exactly what it was...I can't even remember!), and waited. At first, it was a big "uh-oh", as much of our back yard began to die. The stuff we liked was turning brown! Did we just kill off our whole yard? We were confused...we were glad to be killing stickers, but in the wiping out of them we had to wipe some "good" stuff away, too...

Well, a neat thing happened, and it wasn't something we even realized immediately. Well, the first part we did: the "good yard" stuff came back...and we even added some new grass (pallets of St. Augustine) in areas that were dominated by dirt and wouldn't grow anything but a few wispy weeds. But then a funny thing happened...one day mid-summer while I was out walking the yard, I suddenly realized something: THERE WERE NO MORE STICKERS! I mean, zero. All other attempts had produced little "sticker removal", and even if they sort-of worked, ultimately they were futile attempts. But when we finally "gave up", and did the extreme thing, it may have hurt a bit, but it worked.

But it hasn't been completely without need to do "yard sweeps" occasionally...

You see, our neighbors' yards (at least on two sides...can't speak for behind us) are chock-full of stickers, and it doesn't seem like they care to fight them. So, occasionally one wanders under a fence, or sticks to a shoe when I need to go retrieve a ball, etc., and drops roots. But you know what? It is no biggie now...the fight doesn't seem "futile". Oh sure, sometimes a bit of pain is still involved, because pulling stickers involves, well, little pokey things that like to dig into your skin! BUT, since we pay close attention (even Jax is in on it now...he is a good "sticker hunter"), we just expose, pluck, and it's gone. And the yard is again clear and safe for free play.

(Waiting for the "life/faith parallel"? Here it comes haha)

We need to do "sticker sweeps" in our own life. We all have crud that holds us back. But the problem often is that we want the easy solution...hoping to "luck out" and it works. One of less commitment, or of less pain being involved. But at some point, we all must realize that dying to "self" is exactly that: dying. But we don't like that. We want to hold on. We want easy. But the only solution is one that is risky... Surrendering to Jesus. Completely. I know we like to say grace is a "free gift", and it is, and that all we must do is believe, and that's true...but anyone who is holistically surrendered to the Lord knows that the process of surrender involves a bit of pain, or change of comfortable attitudes and habits...because once we really give in to God, our "yuck" is exposed. The process of total surrender can even mean some "good" things need to die for a season (like our yard did) to get it to where it needed to be, but the good came back with abundance...and the stickers were gone. Not gone for good since our friends and neighbors may simply not care or understand about our personal sticker removal focus (and temptation and evil will always try to fight through...much like the stickers all around us still try to "jump the fence"), but after total surrender, with realization that Jesus wiped our sins GONE with his death and resurrection, when the stickers try to fight back, as long as we keep "searching our yard" of life often, they are quickly plucked away. And we are again able to run free!

All this also brings a few biblical concepts to mind. First is the concept of "thorns". Several places in the New Testament allude to "thorns". Here are some samples:

Matthew 13:22The one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful.

2 Corinthians 12:7To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.

Hebrews 6:8But land that produces thorns and thistles is worthless and is in danger of being cursed. In the end it will be burned.

Thorns, like stickers, seem to be those things that take our true focus and allegiance from God. Essentially, sin. Sometimes we "know" God, but are just so hamstrung by the crud holding us back, like the Matthew passage. Sometimes we are tormented, usually when God is doing amazing things, by "thorns in the flesh", like Paul had. And sometimes, we need to realize that when the culture around us is just "thorns and thistles", like the writer of Hebrews says, we need to be wary because it will get thrown to the fire...and we need to often ask, "Lord, is that me/us?"

In the end, however, the hardest part isn't sensing the stickers, thorns, sin in our lives that hold us back from true freedom...it is the willingness to truly die to ourselves and do "whatever is necessary" to come back into utter allegiance to Jesus. It can't be just gritting our teeth and "Taking care of things ourselves", like we tried to do with our sticker-pulling parties: in the end, they were just band-aids and the stickers still remained in force. Ponder this:

Matthew 5:29-30: 29If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.

That's the tough part...the desperate part...the, "but if I totally surrender, I may need to take some drastic measures in my life, and folks will wonder about me" part. But look at yourself. What is your thorn? What needs to be "cut off"? Do you need to quit running with a certain crowd because they bring you down attitudinally or through your actions? Is there a relationship that is pulling you from the Lord? Do you need to put your computer in a public place or get accountability software so you don't look at inappropriate websites? Do you need to humble yourself and seek help from a professional in some area? These are all things that are a part of the "cutting off" process...and it will hurt, expose, etc. BUT, just like our back yard died and came back...we need to "die" and let God regenerate us...so we can truly run, play, dance, FREELY, without fear, with great joy! I still have personal stickers that pop up here-and-there, but I admit a few places I've had to "cut off" or "gouge out", and man, I'm so glad I did. It may have been hard, may have involved some confession to God and others, and the risk of unacceptance, rejection, and embarrassment was there...but it was all worth it so I could again experience the freedom that Jesus speaks of...

"And the more I considered Christianity, the more I found that while it had an established rule and order, the chief aim of that order was to give room for good things to run wild."
--G.K. Chesterton, from "Orthodoxy"

Let's do what it takes and free ourselves so we can run wild for Jesus!

Lessons Learned During an Unintentional Blog Silence...

So after a whirlwind end of 2008/first few months of 2009 blogging-wise, last month something happened: I just didn't blog much. If you've been keeping up with good ol' haphazardangus for awhile, you know that the vast majority of recent posts have been in the form of "faith ponderings". Essentially, a re-visit of some scripture passage I've read recently. As I had a personal resurgence in late 2008 for personal scripture study, I felt like blogging about my thoughts, challenges, etc., that I found within the readings. It became a pseudo-journaling experience (something I've often been challenged by others to do as a good spiritual exercise, but for whatever reason, just couldn't "get into"); one that I know some read and were blessed by, and I am humbled by that! But in late March and into April (and, if I'm not careful, it could easily bleed into May as well...), I simply got busy. Now, I didn't get too busy to spend time in the Word nearly daily (whew!), but I just didn't "have the time" to revisit the passages later on and reconnect, seek wisdom, share thoughts. At first it was no biggie, but looking back at the past six weeks or so of general silence, I have learned and noticed a few things:

While I am grateful for the continued discipline to seek God first thing in the morning, so seek his wisdom in the scriptures, etc., I now know that all the "you need to journal, Ben"-types were onto something. I realize now that that exercise of regular posting of those ponderings really helped me engage Truth more deeply. I would be forced to make the placing of scripture on my heart an "all-day" affair, as I would ponder Truth multiple times a day. I would more easily remember what God was trying to say to me. And I would also be more apt to look back at old posts and be reminded of stuff, encouraged, challenged. Now? Well sure, I still get up and give God the firstfruits of the day...but too often, what I read in the morning just stays on that couch. I often can't tell you, say, at dinnertime what I read before the sun came up like I used to. That bothers me...

I also have learned that I am crazy busy right now. It's not even "bad stuff", and in many cases, it's necessary stuff. But there is a lot of it right now. Prepping and leading my first Real World Parents seminar (I think it went well; I may post my thoughts soon). Working on a curriculum with other area youth ministers that needs to be ready for "prime time" by early June (and I'm struggling for inspiration). Being a big part of our church's confirmation program going on right now. Trying to help Missy find a teaching job somewhere (I'm helping fill out online applications, etc. They are tedious!). Jax's soccer "stuff". Some new stuff at church I'm somewhat involved in (new parent group, occasionally filling in for the drummer in our contemporary service band, even giving a message later this month, hosting our own Real World Parents seminar, and trying to figure out how to "raise leaders" in our ministry to take them to the next level...). CTCYM mission trip planning that is looming large on the horizon. Some health issues recently (not serious, but more "annoying" that required way too many doctor visits that cut into my time...). And all the while, seeking to be the best dad and hubby I can by giving Jax and Missy as much attention and service I can. But it's a bunch of things, and unfortunately, blogging went by the wayside. What used to be a nice mid-day "break" became, "Oh jeez, now I need to post something..." My breaks became less about renewal (blogging, exercising, etc.) and more just sitting, staring into space or at a facebook page. Something needs to give here...

So, as I sift through this first week of May, my prayer is that my heart will be stirred up to make it all happen again. I am not in a "bad place", but I can tell the "meh" is creeping up if I don't be proactive and do something. That is another lesson I've learned that I wish more Christians would do: When you see the "meh" attitudes toward faith creeping in...DO SOMETHING. Too many times I see myself and others just let the ambivalence creep in...and don't fight it. And then, six months later, you just don't care at all... Thankfully God bashes through at some point, but why wait for that? Let's go NOW!

See you guys here again soon!

A Big Spiritual Week for Jax

I thought I'd share a bit about two cool things that happened last week. First was Ash Wednesday at our church. I had heard rumors that Jax had told our senior pastor that, "He didn't want his ashes" when Jax was asked if he was going to get ashes at the service. So, as a result, we figured he "wasn't ready" and sent him to the nursery.

Well, after the service I went to pick him up. Jax saw my ashes (in a cross on my forehead) and got upset... "I want ashes, too!" I told him I had heard he didn't want any, and he said he did now. So, we went to see if the pastor was still in the sanctuary, which thankfully he was (along with two others). I motioned him over and told Jax to ask if he would put ashes on him, and Jax did just that. Glenn (our pastor) gladly went to get the "ash bowl" and kneeled down to Jax and placed a sign of the cross on his forehead. Jax then went, "Hey, that didn't hurt!" Haha...I think he was scared it would! But the really cool thing was that yesterday (Sunday) at church, he was sad that his ashes had washed off. "I want them on all the time!" Missy and I couldn't help but smile... A guy behind us, upon hearing Jax, suggested he get a forehead tattoo, haha...

Yesterday also was very cool to me as Jax decided to participate in the beautiful sacrament of communion for the first time at church. We had explained it to him before (well, in the best way we figured a 4 1/2 year-old would understand), and he decided it was time. He quietly kneeled at the altar between Missy and I and took communion...I almost started full-on crying (I did tear up some...) after he took the bread (body of Christ)...he said "Thank you" to our associate pastor, who administered it to him...

I certainly don't believe Jax was "born saved" (I do know many smart folks who think that God has mercy on young children until they acheive some sort-of "age of accountability" when they can comprehend The Cross, sin, etc... I'm just not sure what I think about it biblically right now), or even pretend to fully understand what his relationship to God is right now at such an early age...but I pray that through experiences like this, through how Missy and I live, speak, and worship Christ, etc., that our sweet little boy will one day realize that Jesus work on the cross makes true reconciliation to God possible for him...

Ask and Ye Shall Recieve...

Several months ago, I had one of those "give up and just ask for it" moments with God. It involved my own personal passion and desire to seek Him through the scriptures. I have had various "flirtations" I suppose you could say to really studying the Bible, and I've been in various Bible studies over the years, but if I'm honest, most attempts were more because it was something I "should" do as a Christian. And at my most "meh" moments, the reading of scripture by my own eyes became something I did more for the benefit of others (aka, preparation for a lesson or message...), and while I did pay attention in those times...it still was just "scripture study because I have to". No bueno...

Well, I got fed up with my lack-of "want to" when it came to personal study of God's Word. I got fed up being a follower of Jesus who still couldn't list "reading the Bible" honestly as many of my peers could when asked about one of their most cherished activities. It wasn't as much a jealousy thing as an honest "wish" that I had such a passion for the Bible. I mean, I can read almanacs all day, look at atlases, and COMPLETELY devour the info at a disturbing rate (just ask my friends who try to play me at Trivial Pursuit haha :-) ), why can't I seem to "want to" do that with the Holy Scriptures that are supposed to guide my entire being?????? Well, I finally gave that frustration up to God, and a funny (but should NEVER have been surprising) thing happened...

...I actually started WANTING to read the Bible. To really study and engage with it, not just to "check off that I read my Bible today". And you know what else? It has affected me! I'm not perfect AT ALL because of it...but there are so many ways that my eyes have been opened...to the darkness of my heart at times...to how I am to love my wife like Jesus loves his bride, the Church...to how EVERYTHING I DO is to be an act of worship to the Most High God (singing, this blog, playing with Jax, how I minister to my wife, patience in lines, what I say about others...you name it...), etc. Just so much stuff. Oh sure, I knew so many of those "concepts" before through sermons, conversations, or other times of Bible study...but for some reason, it's just sticking more. Motivating me more. And also, when I don't have my "time" in the morning...I miss it. Terribly. I can assure you THAT emotion never existed before. It was more like, "Oh well, I didn't read my Bible today...I'll just pick up later," and usually, I never did...

Of course, this love and motivation to devour scripture has resulted in an, "I took the red pill" (think The Matrix) kind of thing happening to me. My heart aches more for those that don't know Jesus. A boldness is coming out of me more-and-more. Sometimes it doesn't get the reaction in others I'm hoping for...but I soldier on seeking a merciful heart in all of it (because if I'm not careful, I can become "That Christian" who is just wanting folks to know God like I do, DANG IT! ...but gets bitter and frustrated when they don't...instead of just loving them and continuing to live my faith as an example...).

So thanks God for finally breaking through my walls and planting a desire for your Word!!!!!! Forgive me for just giving it little bits and pieces of my attention over the years...

On Being Clingy

Psalm 63
A psalm of David. When he was in the Desert of Judah.
1 O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.
2 I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.

3 Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.

4 I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.

5 My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

6 On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.

7 Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.

8 My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.

9 They who seek my life will be destroyed;
they will go down to the depths of the earth.

10 They will be given over to the sword
and become food for jackals.

11 But the king will rejoice in God;
all who swear by God's name will praise him,
while the mouths of liars will be silenced.

I did a rare thing in this blog today. I actually had a full posting based on Romans 8:1-17 all ready to go...and I erased it. Oh, there is amazing truth in that passage, and just the exercise of writing it helped me engage that truth. But, after looking at my thoughts, etc., I just wasn't "down with it". And then, I thought of Psalm 63...

I have a verse of this Psalm (8 My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.) as part of my personal email signature as an explanation to its' name ("be_clingy"). People usually think of the adjective of "clingy" in a negative light. You know what I mean: "He/she is just too clingy!", as in, won't leave me alone, smothering, needy, etc. Now, I have been accused of that exact attribute at times in my life (sorry, ladies...), but when it comes to my email, I am speaking of clinging to something else...God himself. His Truth. His Promises. His perfect Plan.

Well, right now I am choosing to cling. I even went so far to post Psalm 63 on the inside of the door in my office so I can't ignore it!

You see, I think the past 3 or 4 months in my life have been one of great personal/spiritual growth (and yes, I believe those go hand-in-hand). I have re-discovered a passion for studying scripture not just for my job. I have prayed for (and seen answers) many attitudes in my life to become more Christlike. Things like being less selfish. Like a better understanding of Ephesians 5:25 as it pertains to who I am as a husband. A renewed passion to be the shepherd called at this time to the teens and their families at our church, and to help encourage their discipleship. A confidence and boldness that has sadly been lacking for much of my life as it pertains to my role as a spiritual leader. A complete, utter reliance on Christ to sustain me, to satisfy my desires, to remove the immature, sinful desires that so easily drive me...

But one thing I've noticed in this time has been that while I ABSOLUTELY can see the fruit, the answered prayer, and the growth during this time...well...the Enemy don't like it. I am as perplexed as any as to the true nature of Satan, but you know what? Jesus sure talks alot about Satan, Hell, demons, etc., so even though I struggle to explain it, sometimes even to believe it (which I should believe...too many personal examples I've seen...), I have to acknowledge it. Now, I don't know if I attribute every last "bad thing" happening to someone as directly correlated to the Devil (because, well, some stuff is on us...some stuff is just set in motion and "happens"), but I think the negative attitudes, the lack of faith, the temptations that seem to try to bash their way back into my heart...well, yeah, I think that's Satanic stuff. I need to remember several things here, but most importantly that Satan is not God's equal. I think that gets messed up in people sometimes, where they almost treat Satan as one with the same power as God. NO! God is God...Satan most surely is not. Just an angel. Still powerful? Still with lots of "helpers"? Absolutely. But not God. I need to cling to that fact as well...too often I see myself and others just "give in" because "we can't help it". WRONG. God can overcome Satan every time. I just don't think we let him...

So right now, I am clingy.

I am being clingy when everything in me wants to be impatient about some "stuff"...but I seek and choose patience...

I am being clingy when I am at my end and I go fall flat on my face in the chapel and cry out to God (this is called "yesterday about 2 pm")...

I am being clingy when, despite the temptation to be frustrated and unsatisfied with certain things, I keep seeking Truth, remembering Truth, and living my life out of that Truth...

So I choose to be clingy. Oh Lord, help me to cling to you in all things...at all times...amen.

Living Like God Uses a Gold Star Chart

I often, when speaking with others about things like God's grace, love, etc., like to inform people that God does not use those charts on us like elementary teachers do. I'm actually not sure they still do, but when I was a young kiddo in the 80s, I know that many teachers had "star charts", where one could get a star (or even a "level" of star...like red is ok, gold is great, etc.) based on how much good vs. bad behavior existed in you that day at school. Well, despite some of the good uses of charts like this as tools for us, I think we've messed up and started using them (in our own evaluation of life with God) as a means to an end...and scripture clearly tells us that while there may be behavior/attitude lists throughout scripture for us to pay great attention to, those aren't the means to a goal...

Ephesians 2:8For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God...

That's one of the "biggie" verses used to help us realize that our salvation has nothing to do with us gritting our teeth and trying to be good, following a list, and thus getting enough "gold stars vs. no stars", ending up on the "plus" side, and earning our way to Heaven. Nope. All God. All grace. All faith...which is tough for us because we want something tangible, measurable...but God just isn't that way. This actually comforts me...but I know many struggle with it.

So, why am I deciding to actually write on this issue?

Well, the other day while on a "girls" weekend with her mom, my wife Missy bought a pretty cool "responsibilities chart" for us to use alongside Jackson, our 4 1/2 year-old. Essentially, it has magnets with various home chores, jobs, and even attitudes we can place on the board, and for each day Jax completes them, he gets to put a smiley face magnet.

But after pondering some deeper issues regarding this new chart, I realized something: If we are not very careful and proactive here, we could instill a life-focus that is not how God works in Jax...the gold star chart-view of God and us that I've been warning against.

So after some prayerful pondering (helped by the timely chapters I read this morning in an EXCELLENT book for parents, "Raising Adults" by Jim Hancock), I decided that we will need to be very proactive in teaching (and modeling...which will be harder) Jax that this new chart is a tool for him to see how he's been doing...but that if he doesn't get the smiley face, our love for him does not change. I do this because I firmly believe that the main priority for us as parents is to show (usually by modeling attitudes and actions) our son glimpses of God's love and character, and he needs to know that God does not use a chart like this when viewing him. Oh, I know some will say, "But what about the Ten Commandments and the rest of God's Law?" Well, I think that God does use those laws to show us our ineptitude without him more than say, "Well, Ben, you know, you ended life with a plus-minus rating of 5, doing 5 more good things than bad...so I guess you belong with me..." That is rough for us because the vast majority view God that way...and miss the point. We do not want Jax to miss the point.

So, as he sat in his corner of the sectional munching on cereal and watching some cartoon, I paused the TV and told him, "Hey Jax, you know that chart yesterday? The one where we picked 3 goals for you this week and you got one smiley yesterday? I want you to know something: While it is good for you to look at this chart and see what needs to be done, you must know that mom and dad love you the same whether you get 3 smileys or zero. It's good to do these things and use them as a checklist, but we love you no matter what." I said that because I think God looks at us that way when we release ourselves to him and trust in Jesus' redemption of our souls. He says, "You are mine...and while you may fail...I still love you. But remember these guidelines and challenges, as they are what's best, and I hope you choose to live them not out of some point system, but out of gratitude for how I've blessed you."

Oh, how I pray to live that way, model that, etc.! The lists of do's and do-not's are for a reason...and we do need to pay attention and pray for God to keep making us more like Christ (as he promises to do! Encouraging!). But, they should flow out of us from gratitude, not because we are trying to get a better score on the test...

Who a Neighbor REALLY is…or Should be to a Follower of Christ...

Sunday School Lesson, 1 18 09

Last week, we discussed the problem that we often (if not always) don’t really want God. Oh sure, we think we do, or we “sorta” want him…but many times, it isn’t evident. And we looked at Genesis 3 and how our “not wanting God” can play out in our lives.

Today we are going to start saying, “Ok, so I know I may not want God…what now?” And, “Why”? Well, here it is in a nutshell: As Romans 23 shows us, all have sinned. All have not wanted God. And we will continue to live in that place…until we realize (and not just “for the test”…) that Jesus a) was God among us b) lived a perfect life c) was killed on the cross as a ransom to pay for Sin (as in, capital “S”) d) was resurrected and lives on, and e) we need to, as a result, be completely broken (when we realize the gravity of all this) and make Jesus King of our lives…living as he did, seeking as he did, etc. But, as we will see, truly following Jesus is often not what we expect…or want…

Let’s look briefly (because I really want us to be able to breakout into Jr/Sr Hi groups to discuss today…) at a dialogue most of us are familiar with…but may mean more today than ever…

Luke 10:25-37: 25On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. "Teacher," he asked, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?"
26"What is written in the Law?" he replied. "How do you read it?"
27He answered: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"
28"You have answered correctly," Jesus replied. "Do this and you will live."
29But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, "And who is my neighbor?"
30In reply Jesus said: "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. 31A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. 32So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. 33But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. 34He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. 35The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. 'Look after him,' he said, 'and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.'
36"Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?"
37The expert in the law replied, "The one who had mercy on him."
Jesus told him, "Go and do likewise."

Let’s start with this “law expert”. He “knew” what the law was; certainly of the nation, very possibly (due to the culture) God’s Law, too. Look at what he asks: “So, Jesus…what do I need to do for eternal life?” Hmmm…sounds like “What’s on the test?”, doesn’t it? Jesus throws it back on him, and then the law-guy answers some nice “book answers”. But, law-guy wanted more…and, honestly, I think he was looking for loopholes…sound a bit like us? I know I can be guilty of looking for what I can “get away with” when it comes to being a Christian…but that is the wrong way to approach this. Of course, Legalism (strict following of rules as the goal, NOT following Christ vibrantly and thus letting our life reflect that…) isn’t the answer, either. So, what is it? Jesus tells him…and let’s just say I’m not sure it’s what the law-guy expected…or wanted to hear…

Well, you heard the story. As often is the case (and a reminder that God’s ways aren’t “our ways”), the unexpected happened. Those who one might assume would be “religious” enough…walked right on by. But the one hated by the one left for dead (as Jews did NOT like, or even associate with, Samaritans) is who stepped up. And THAT is who are neighbor is. Not just our friends, or family, or “folks who look/act/believe just like I do”. Nope. Even people or groups you kinda wish didn’t even exist… And that is why following Jesus (if we really want to) isn’t necessarily easy or pretty…but oh, the amazing impact on others if we do!!!

Questions to Ponder, Discuss, etc.
• Think of a time (it doesn’t’ have to be spiritual) where all you were interested was, “what was on the test”… What was it?
• What are areas of life where we seem to look for “loopholes” when it comes to faith?
• What is at the root of us looking for loopholes? (like, why do we do that?)
• Re-summarize the story of the Good Samaritan… What do you think of the priest and the Levite? What do you think of the Samaritan?
• What are groups that, if a member showed you kindness like the Samaritan did, you would be shocked? Would you let them help?
• So, who is our neighbor again?

PRAYER: Spend some time praying about how we treat “neighbors”…for brokenness…for courage…for purpose…

We Don't Want God...

This is a "bloggified" version of the message I taught this week in Youth Sunday School... We, as a group, have decided that a mediocre, "ok with a 'B'"-faith/life just isn't good enough...so we are taking the chains off and plunging headfirst into some hard truths/scriptures/challenges...won't you join us?

The gospel of Jesus is hard. Messy. Dirty. It’s this amazing paradox of being freely given…yet demands everything from us. For most of us, when it comes to following Jesus, it isn’t as much of a “how-to” problem, as a “want-to” problem…we are going to discuss that...

There are several New Testament scriptures that talk about our messed up, fallen, sinful natures. One is Romans 3:23: for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

We also struggle with the cause of sin. We struggle to place blame. Sometimes we even blame God (like, “If God is really in control…he must be making me sin.”). WRONG-O. James 1:13 says, When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone.

So what is it?

Well, we need to go back to the beginning of our “want-to” problem: Genesis. Adam and Eve and trees and snakes. And really, I’m not interested if you think it literally happened just like this or if you think God took the first two “non-monkeys” and taught them all this stuff…and they rebelled. No matter: I read this and go, “That is SO me…”

So, I am not going to make us read the whole of Genesis 3 (but you can here if you'd like). Here is the “BIV” (Ben International Version): Adam and Eve knew God in a very real way. They directly experienced his care. He allowed all things, but told them to not mess with a tree that produced fruit, that it would “kill” them. Then a serpent, THE deceiver, the devil, said, “Whatever…you won’t ‘literally’ die…but your horizons will soooo be broadened…” So Eve ate, and then took it to Adam, who was a typical brainless man and said, “Uh, ok.” And then their eyes were opened to all this “enlightened” stuff…and they were scared. Knew they had strayed and disobeyed. And they hid from God. God found them, they made weak excuses, God informed them of the consequences, and made them leave the Garden…but not before showing he still cared for them…

Ok, a few specific points from verses that stood out to me:

1. When God said, “You will die”, I don’t think he only meant that they would physically drop and stop breathing. But, God knew that by “tasting what’s out there” we are involved in stuff ultimately more harmful than not, and thus our souls die.

2. When the serpent essentially said, “Whatever…your eyes will be opened!”, and then Eve sees that it was “desirable for gaining wisdom”, I cannot help but think of times either myself or others I know have rationalized BLATANT sin in the name of “finding myself” or “enlightenment” or “broadening horizons”. I certainly don’t think God wants us to be hermits who do not posses a mind, etc. Jesus proves that is false (just look at his life and actions). BUT, the Word clearly gives us some guidelines, and I think God knows what’s up and what’s best for us. And when we stray…well, more on that in a sec.

3. Notice what Adam and Eve did once they ate? They HID from God. Can you relate? I can. And often, it’s in the form of hiding from others, too. Really. Now, I’m no psychic, so don’t go there and get paranoid thinking I can see all your dirty secrets…but let’s say I usually can “tell” when not-all-is-right soul/wise with some of you. It may be you suddenly, without reason, stop coming to church-stuff. Or you still are here…but kinda “hide”, avoid eye-contact, conversation, etc. Or, you do talk, but it is quite harsh, not edifying, etc. That’s how we hide from God, I think. We avoid being “faced” with the Truth…

4. We do a good job at “passing the buck” like Adam and Eve did, when confronted with our lack-of-want-of-God. Eve blames being “tricked”, and Adam blames Eve. “Not my fault”. Well…yeah, it is. It always is. Maybe some things get set in motion that are “less” your fault at that time…but ultimately, the choices made that got you there…yeah, your fault. We can’t blame TV, or friends, or music, movies, Internet…

5. There are consequences (Women: pains in childbirth, desiring husband, etc.; Men: have to work the ground to “get” from it). Even when we realize where we are wrong…doesn’t mean all the “stuff” goes away.

6. But finally, even in the midst of this realization that we don’t want God…that we want to do what WE want…and to thus be left alone…God’s care and love still shines through. Look at verse 21 of Genesis 3: The LORD God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them. God had every right to not only kick them out of Eden, but to never care again. But nope. He made them clothes… While the realization of their nakedness was the first evidence that they had “seen too much”, and God surely grieved…he clothed them…

So there we have it. When left to our own power and devices, our “default” if you will, we don’t want God. And as we continue this quest to crawl out of the muck of a mediocre faith, we must be confronted with this as it relates to us individually.

...captive Israel... aka, us (aka me)

In the song, "O Come Emmanuel", one of the lines is talking about Emmanuel (aka "God With Us", aka Jesus...), where he is said to, "...ransom captive Israel". That resonates with me right now. Throughout scripture, "Israel" is used to mean more than just a small sliver of land on a map east of the Mediterranean Sea. In the Old Testament, it represents a people, God's people, and beyond that time, I believe it is meant to continue representing God's people.

Why should I pay attention to being compared with "Israel"? Well, I don't know how many times I've read or heard various Old Testament stories about the folks back then, and gone, "Come on, Israel! Why the whining? Why the complaining? You just saw the power of God! I wish I could see it as plain as you did, and there you go, following other 'gods', how stupid! How selfish! How weak! How..."

Me.

See, whether I choose the label Christian, or disciple, or Follower of Jesus... I'm still just like Israel. And God, while allowing some hard times, having to endure his people basically ditching him a myriad times, is always there for them. ALWAYS THERE. He promises redemption. He saves them. And yes, ultimately, he pays a ransom for their captivity. This is also what he does for me. I was captive to sin until age 16, when I realized (not through my own mind being convinced...I truly believe only the Holy Spirit speaking to my heart could save me...) that God loves me enough, even in my captivity and allegiance to everything besides him, to pay a ransom for me through the Cross. And while I have been ransomed...oh, how quick I can run. Forget. Shrug-off. Follow "other gods". Even when I've seen God's power and might on personal (and amazing) levels, I still can do all these things just a few days later. I am Israel. But I have been ransomed nonetheless, and thus need to shout with joy!

Some things I am asking and reminding myself today and throughout this season we call Advent/Christmas:

How am I “captive”? What is holding me captive?

Lord, give me a desire to want you to be in control of my life…

Lord, help me rejoice! Show me where you have given me things to praise you for…

Lord, expose my faults, my selfishness, my struggles…and let me feel your forgiveness…

AMEN

Not Just for Weddings // 1 Corinthians 13

1If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Footnotes:

1 Corinthians 13:1 Or languages
1 Corinthians 13:3 Some early manuscripts body that I may boast

Words, phrases that stuck out:

Well, before going into the words and phrases, some quick commentary on this chapter as a whole... When we think of love, too often we equate it with that fluffy, fluttering feeling of romantic love. Now sure, romantic love must have the qualities expressed here, too, but that kind of love is so dependent on feeling, emotion, etc. The love Paul expresses here is timeless, reckless, risky, and above all, a glimpse of how God loves. But we use this passage so often at times where romantic love is celebrated...while, I even think it was a part of Missy and my wedding over seven years ago! That isn't all a bad thing per se, and I think Missy and I weren't using this passage solely for lovey-dovey reasons, but the temptation is/was there. So, I am seeking to look deeper at what this says to me today...and to truly see the depth that this high calling of Love is...

*** ...the most excellent way.; verse 1: This beginning to chapter 13 is in response to 12 (duh), that talks about how believers fit together (via gifts, talents, callings, and passions). It challenges us all to serve Christ alongside one another, and let's be honest: that get rough sometimes. Different gifts, while complimentary and necessary, sometimes create a mishmash of opinions, personalities, and agendas that may not always be God-infused (due to our human sides "shining through" at times). But how do we make it all work? By "the most excellent way..."

*** ...but have not love, I am nothing.; verse 2: Paul goes through a list of various God-given gifts and abilities, but reminds us that we can, say, be the best preacher on the planet, but if we don't have Love behind it all...it really doesn't matter. DANG. I mean, sure, Christ can shine through if I use my gifts, but if I am a complete jerk, or arrogant, or prejudiced, won't my influence (for God's sake) be negatively seen by others, and by default, their view of God could be messed up, too? Not sure if that's something I want on my conscience... I'm not perfect, but the last thing I want is for my lack-of-love to cloud how one sees God. If I don't have love, I don't have squat...no matter what I think of myself...

*** ...it is not self seeking...; verse 5: True love does not think of "me first". When I approach others, whether they are family, friends, or strangers, I need to allow the Holy Spirit to show me how God's love can be shown to them first...NOT me first.

*** ...it keeps no record of wrongs.; verse 5: I think this along with "not self seeking" stood out to me because, well, they may be the hardest parts of real Love for me to attain. As much as I (or others) "think" I don't keep score...well, we are all wrong. I do keep score. Sure, it may appear that others keep score more than I, but it doesn't mean that I never do. And this bothers me. I may even be able to convince myself that, say, I don't keep score with my wife...and for a time, I may not...but usually at some point, I start feeling like I "deserve" things, and yes, start holding it against her. Or, I'll conveniently bring back past (even years past) events that were dividing points between us (that I should have, and even may have appeared to, "let go"...when maybe I hadn't) and use them against her. That, according to this, ain't love...and if I am God's, redeemed by Christ and surrendered to him...he keeps no wrongs, either...I should prayerfully seek the same heart.

*** ...always...always...always...always...; verse 7: Real, godly love is an always thing, not a sometimes thing. Big shocker, this is hard for me! But how encouraging to know that God is "always"...?

*** Love never fails.; verse 8: I love some of the "short and sweet" sentences in the scriptures. They are always so powerful, and I need to pay special attention. Love never fails. Never. The power behind something that can never fail MUST be infinite. We humans can do many things; some of us are truly excellent at those things. But even the smartest, nicest, and yes, most "loving" person...will fail at some point. Only God can have the might and power to never fail. And Love, capital "L", from God alone, doesn't fail. Won't fail. Has NEVER failed...

*** When I became a man, I put my childish ways behind me.; verse 11: This is a verse for me right now. Will I always be playful, fun-loving, and "young at heart"? I sure hope so. But I've had a motivation for some time now (and, in my opinion, and probably others, "it was about time!" haha) to move from being childish and selfish in many ways...to being a man. A grown-up. I know, novel idea (I'm 34...). There are just things that I continually need to let God grow in me, like new passions and desires, and ultimately a renewed call to "man up" in various responsibilities that I've avoided/put on others over the years...

Questions for me:

What parts of "me" am I not allowing love to permeate? What grudges do I hold on to? Where do I need to stop taking score?

Making Thunder...

As I've said recently (http://haphazardangus.blogspot.com/2008/12/great-song.html), I have been blessed by discovering the music of an old 80s band, The Call. Another of their songs has been flying through my head lately (even when I cannot help it!), called "The Morning". The part that specifically is awesome to me is what I suppose you'd call the "bridge" or "tag" (you know...that part about 2/3 through some songs that is structured differently than the rest of the song...musicians know what I mean):

I wanna run, I wanna shout, I wanna make thunder
Wanna know what kind of spell I've fallen under
Show me, show me
I wanna live, I wanna breathe, I wanna love hard
Wanna give my life to you
Lose me in you

I just love this cry to God. I hear complete, reckless desire to be God's. I especially love the lines about making thunder and loving hard. To love hard...implies truly choosing to love, being proactive in it, purposeful in it. To look for where God's love can shine through you and going for it... And making thunder? Not sure, but the wild man in me just thinks it sounds cool. Sounds William Wallace-esque. Maximus-sque. Aragorn-esque. You get the picture. While I am not always "wired" like those famous movie characters...I cannot deny that when I watch Braveheart, Gladiator, or The Lord of the Rings series, a part of my soul wants to "have what they're having", so to speak...a passion to do whatever it takes...to "make thunder" in this world in the name of Jesus...

Great Song

I have liked this song for some time...but lately the lyrics are so "me", so encouraging, etc. It is by the (mostly) 80s band The Call. Their style is what I'd call "Simple Minds-meets-80s/version of U2, from an American standpoint" (as those other bands are Scottish and Irish, respectively). At any rate, I have recently discovered much more of their catalog...and man, I dig it. Powerful, poetic, honest lyrics (by lead vocalist Michael Been) from a spiritual, Christian perspective. Not lots (if any) direct "Jesus" quotes, but you don't have to go far to realize the Truth Been writes from... If you go hunting for The Call's music (out of curiosity), I recommend the Restored album most of all, but selections from Into the Woods and Let the Day Begin are also great. There are other albums (both earlier and later) that I have yet to discover...but I hope to.

I will let the lyrics speak for themselves...

The Call I Still Believe (Great Design) Lyrics (by Michael Been):

I been in a cave
For forty days
Only a spark
To light my way
I wanna give out
I wanna give in
This is our crime
This is our sin

But I still believe
I still believe
Through the pain
And the grief
Through the lives
Through the storms
Through the cries
And through the wars
Oh, I still believe

Flat on my back
Out at sea
Hopin' these waves
Don't cover me
I'm turned and tossed
Upon the waves
When the darkness comes
I feel the grave

But I still believe
I still believe
Through the cold
And through heat
Through the rain
And through the tears
Through the crowds
And through the cheers
Oh, I still believe

I'll march this road
I'll climb this hill
Upon on my knees
if I have to
I'll take my place
Up on this stage
I'll wait 'til the
end of time
for you like
everybody else

I'm out on my own
Walkin' the streets
Look at the faces
That I meet
I feel like I
Like I want to go
home
What do I feel
What do I know

But I still believe
I still believe
Through the shame
And through the grief
Through the heartache
Through the tears
Through the waiting
Through the years

For people like us
In places like this
We need all the hope
That we can get
Oh, I still believe

Hmmmm (aka, wondering "why")

I'm not going to go into detail here, but if you read this, would you pray for my family right now? Prayers for patience, clarity, peace, wisdom, etc. all sound about right.

Sometimes it is so tough to deal with hardships/testing (haha, I recently wrote this: http://haphazardangus.blogspot.com/2008/12/pondering-hebrews-121-13.html, need to really remember it now). Right now, we just found something out that isn't what we had hoped. Frustration, questioning has ensued. Past issues and emotions resulting from them have come back. Peace and forgiveness is needed. But it's hard...

So, I am going to read my "pondering Hebrews" post again...pray for strength, etc. I also need to find ways to ecourage Missy (wife) in all this. I'm not fired up, but she is REALLY struggling with it...

Pondering Genesis 22:1-19

Abraham Tested 1 Some time later God tested Abraham. He said to him, "Abraham!"
"Here I am," he replied.
2 Then God said, "Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about."

3 Early the next morning Abraham got up and saddled his donkey. He took with him two of his servants and his son Isaac. When he had cut enough wood for the burnt offering, he set out for the place God had told him about. 4 On the third day Abraham looked up and saw the place in the distance. 5 He said to his servants, "Stay here with the donkey while I and the boy go over there. We will worship and then we will come back to you."

6 Abraham took the wood for the burnt offering and placed it on his son Isaac, and he himself carried the fire and the knife. As the two of them went on together, 7 Isaac spoke up and said to his father Abraham, "Father?"
"Yes, my son?" Abraham replied.
"The fire and wood are here," Isaac said, "but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?"

8 Abraham answered, "God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son." And the two of them went on together.

9 When they reached the place God had told him about, Abraham built an altar there and arranged the wood on it. He bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood. 10 Then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son. 11 But the angel of the LORD called out to him from heaven, "Abraham! Abraham!"
"Here I am," he replied.

12 "Do not lay a hand on the boy," he said. "Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son."

13 Abraham looked up and there in a thicket he saw a ram [a] caught by its horns. He went over and took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son. 14 So Abraham called that place The LORD Will Provide. And to this day it is said, "On the mountain of the LORD it will be provided."

15 The angel of the LORD called to Abraham from heaven a second time 16 and said, "I swear by myself, declares the LORD, that because you have done this and have not withheld your son, your only son, 17 I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore. Your descendants will take possession of the cities of their enemies, 18 and through your offspring [b] all nations on earth will be blessed, because you have obeyed me."

19 Then Abraham returned to his servants, and they set off together for Beersheba. And Abraham stayed in Beersheba.

Footnotes:

Genesis 22:13 Many manuscripts of the Masoretic Text, Samaritan Pentateuch, Septuagint and Syriac; most manuscripts of the Masoretic Text a ram behind him
Genesis 22:18 Or seed



Words, phrases that stuck out:

*** "only son" (verse 2) and "third day" (verse 4): It is so cool how God foreshadowed the sacrifice of Jesus, his only son, and on the third day, no less, hundreds of years before it actually happened. To me, this is just one of MANY examples from the Old Testament where the Cross is described, where God used similar circumstances surrounding Christ to make covenants, to bring salvation, etc. Amazing.

*** Then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son.; verse 10: Dang. First, this sentence is so powerful, it is it's own entire verse. It also makes me think of a discussion from my high school youth group (yes, I can remember those days on occasion), where the adult leading our discussion group talked about this passage, and how if God asked him to kill one of his kids, he'd basically say, "Hell no, God! I won't do it!" While I appreciated his honesty (and forcefulness...sorry if the "hell no" offends...), I always thought it was, while honest, an amazing lack of faith. Then I had a kid...and understood his initial thoughts all the more...

Honestly, I don't know what I would do. Oh, sure, I "hope" I would do whatever God would ask...but dang. I do think this passage has more to say to us than just "killing our kid" though. I believe at the core it is a test to see how far I would be willing to sacrifice for the sake of God's glory...I selfishly hope it would never be the sacrifice of my son, but now I can at least appreciate a smidgen of what God the Father went through when Jesus was killed... But, let's continue to ponder the concept of being "willing". Am I willing to sacrifice things, whether material or abstract, should God ask? I know a story, for example, of a couple (that will remain anonymous...and they aren't who told me...they have no idea) who felt so called by God to be able to give more generously to their church and mission...that they decided to sell their "dream home" (that had only been lived in for like 6 months) and downsize so they could give more to their church. What an example of obedience! Can you imagine the war going on in their hearts? "But, we just moved in! It's our dream house! We already give a lot!" You also need to know, their church isn't one of those kinda freaky, televangelist-led, "give us/me more money so God can move (and pastor can get a sweet home(s))"-type places. No, it is a missional, not-self-seeking, impactful, progressive community of faith. Could I do the same? Would you?

*** "Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son."; verse 12: See above for commentary on this one...I underlined it this morning, then after writing about verse 10, realize that I already explained my thoughts...

*** ...The LORD Will Provide.; verse 14: First, what a great statement of faith, not that God might provide, but will provide. But, this was actually a place, almost a signpost for Abraham and others to remember how God provided, and would again. It is very similar to the concept of the Ebenezer, something built to remember the Lord, his ways, promises, etc., that one can look back on and be encouraged and have hope (aka, certainty).

Questions for me:

How far is the limit of what I'm willing to sacrifice for God? What holds me back? Fear? Possible ridicule? Risks (even if only "possible")?

Are there "monuments", images, etc., in my life that I can return to and be reminded of God's promises, provision, etc.?

Pondering Hebrews 12:1-13

God Disciplines His Sons
1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
4In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 5And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:
"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
6because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."[a]

7Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? 8If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. 9Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! 10Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. 11No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

12Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. 13"Make level paths for your feet,"[b] so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.

Footnotes:

Hebrews 12:6 Prov. 3:11,12
Hebrews 12:13 Prov. 4:26

Words, phrases that stuck out to me:

*** ...sin that so easily entangles,; verse 1: I especially am drawn to the word entangle. When I get tangled up in something, I am stuck. I will probably fall, may even get injured. Do I view sin as something that has that effect on me? I hope so, but surely not enough. Sin so easily and readily creeps in to our lives when we aren't in constant focus on our savior...usually without us realizing it. Oh sure, we can go out and boldly do stupid things, but often in those cases there were "little entanglements" that led to an attitude where we could so easily rationalize the destructive, splitting-from-God behavior. The tough thing to do is truly be aware of the little vines that seem inconsequential, but as they creep up our legs, get stronger, slow us down, and ultimately, make us fall on our face...

*** Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith,; verse 2: This, while seeming to be a typical "church answer" (you know, "read the bible! pray more! JESUS!"), is how we don't get entangled. But how? First, by KNOWING that Jesus is the author of our faith. Think about that... He wrote it. Not just a "part of the story, one of many stories"...he is who birthed it. Christ has been involved intimately from the beginning of all things. HOLY COW! Also, the word perfecter. Jesus is who does the perfecting, NOT us. We struggle soooooo mightily with that one, relying on our own experience, intellect, personality, etc. We think, "If I just grit my teeth and fight through this, I will get better..." No. That will always fail. But by seeking and allowing Jesus to perfect us, praying for help, change, etc., and releasing it to him, it happens. I know from experience. I know it is hard for others to realize someone else's experience of knowing God, but there have been times I truly asked God to change me...and then allowed him to by remembering my prayer, by reminding myself, and ultimately, by "releasing" it, trusting that God would do it...and I could look back later and see how my heart was different.

*** "...the Lord disciplines those he loves..."; verse 6: That word, discipline, shows up a lot in this passage. And I suspect none of us like it one bit, haha. No really, how many "like" the notion that we can be disciplined by God? That things are allowed to occur in our life, so we can grow stronger from them (despite the pain involved)?

*** Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons.; verse 7: First, when things aren't going our ways, we need to not wonder, "Where are you, God? Why are you doing this to me?", and instead ponder how God may "tweak" us during that time, all for HIS glory (and oh, to have his glory be our primary purpose in ALL things...so hard to do...). Also, I am encouraged by knowing that he is doing it because he views me as his son. This has such new meaning as I am now a parent. I HATE having to discipline Jackson, and I'm not talking about just the inconvenience; I hate the fact that I have to "get on him", or give a swat (yes, on occasion), or send to time-out. But, I also know that I am trying to train him in God's ways...and while it is no fun, for either of us, it is because I am bonkers about my boy and want him to be the best man he can. To know that God thinks the same of me, in the midst of hardship and discipline...wow.

*** ...god disciplines us for good, that we may share in his holiness.; verse 10: Much like the above "pondering", our discipline is Good (notice the capital "G") and is so we may share in his holiness. That is huge. God actually wants us to experience HIS holiness...

*** ...strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. Make level paths for your feet..."; verse 12, spilling into 13: Because of all just read and pondered...I need to allow for strengthening and healing. LET God do those things. Be willing to take the necessary steps. For when I am weak, that is when God really shines through... http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=54&chapter=12&verse=10&version=31&context=verse


Where am I getting all tangled up? Are there some little, annoying things creeping in that I may miss, and need to deal with? Are there some big things that need to get CHOPPED? Am I allowing Jesus to perfect me? Do I look to him in all things?

Do I blame God for hardship? If I am...how is that affecting how I approach my life, others, and God himself?

Where am I being disciplined? Where have I been disciplined by God in the past? Do I seek God, seek change, etc., in the midst of discipline and hardship, or am I bitter?

Pondering 1 Samuel 3:1-21

The LORD Calls Samuel
1 The boy Samuel ministered before the LORD under Eli. In those days the word of the LORD was rare; there were not many visions.
2 One night Eli, whose eyes were becoming so weak that he could barely see, was lying down in his usual place. 3 The lamp of God had not yet gone out, and Samuel was lying down in the temple [a] of the LORD, where the ark of God was. 4 Then the LORD called Samuel.
Samuel answered, "Here I am." 5 And he ran to Eli and said, "Here I am; you called me."
But Eli said, "I did not call; go back and lie down." So he went and lay down.

6 Again the LORD called, "Samuel!" And Samuel got up and went to Eli and said, "Here I am; you called me."
"My son," Eli said, "I did not call; go back and lie down."

7 Now Samuel did not yet know the LORD : The word of the LORD had not yet been revealed to him.

8 The LORD called Samuel a third time, and Samuel got up and went to Eli and said, "Here I am; you called me."
Then Eli realized that the LORD was calling the boy. 9 So Eli told Samuel, "Go and lie down, and if he calls you, say, 'Speak, LORD, for your servant is listening.' " So Samuel went and lay down in his place.

10 The LORD came and stood there, calling as at the other times, "Samuel! Samuel!"
Then Samuel said, "Speak, for your servant is listening."

11 And the LORD said to Samuel: "See, I am about to do something in Israel that will make the ears of everyone who hears of it tingle. 12 At that time I will carry out against Eli everything I spoke against his family—from beginning to end. 13 For I told him that I would judge his family forever because of the sin he knew about; his sons made themselves contemptible, [b] and he failed to restrain them. 14 Therefore, I swore to the house of Eli, 'The guilt of Eli's house will never be atoned for by sacrifice or offering.' "

15 Samuel lay down until morning and then opened the doors of the house of the LORD. He was afraid to tell Eli the vision, 16 but Eli called him and said, "Samuel, my son."
Samuel answered, "Here I am."

17 "What was it he said to you?" Eli asked. "Do not hide it from me. May God deal with you, be it ever so severely, if you hide from me anything he told you." 18 So Samuel told him everything, hiding nothing from him. Then Eli said, "He is the LORD; let him do what is good in his eyes."

19 The LORD was with Samuel as he grew up, and he let none of his words fall to the ground. 20 And all Israel from Dan to Beersheba recognized that Samuel was attested as a prophet of the LORD. 21 The LORD continued to appear at Shiloh, and there he revealed himself to Samuel through his word.

Footnotes:
1 Samuel 3:3 That is, tabernacle
1 Samuel 3:13 Masoretic Text; an ancient Hebrew scribal tradition and Septuagint sons blasphemed God

Words/Phrases That Stuck Out:

*** Now Samuel did not yet know the Lord...; verse 7: This just confirms to me that we are not "born knowing God." That may seem like a non-issue to some, but I know that many of us are tempted to think that all we need is to be born to be tight with God. I do not believe that is so, and a passage like this is just evidence...Samuel may have been a decent enough kid, and certainly would become a man in communion with his creator (as we know if we keep reading the story), but there was a time when it was not so...

*** ...revealed...; verse 7: The language used here, while I admit it is "the best stab at biblical linguist scholars translating ancient Hebrew into English," certainly indicates that Samuel coming to truly know the Lord was an act of THE LORD, not Samuel becoming so enlightened or convinced due solely to his own intellect. God does the revealing, the saving, etc., not us... We need to realize that, as there is temptation to think that our own minds are what redeem us, ultimately.

*** "Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening."; verse 9: Oh, to have that sort of attitude! I can speak for myself, that attitudes such as this are too few-and-far between. I need to pray for this more, seeking to have a listening ear and sensitive heart to what God is saying to me, encouraging me to do. Notice the emphasis on "is": Too often we ask for God to speak to us, to show us the way...when in reality, he already IS speaking to us...we just need to be willing to open up to him, which, of course, is the big struggle.

*** "He is the Lord; let him do what is good in his eyes."; verse 18: Similar to the above passage, the struggle I have here is actually letting God just do his thing... I know that, God will get done what God wants done (regardless if I am used or not), but I know sometimes, well, I just want to be left alone, or I want what BEN wants done...but it may not be part of God's plan. It could be, of course, but I have to listen first, and then be humble enough to follow god's plan (regardless to if I want it or not), and finally have the courage and attitude to keep following and trusting.

Questions for Me:

Am I listening? Better yet, am I even wanting to listen?

Am I one who would do God's request and plan, regardless of if I like it, or if it makes sense to me? What if those closest to me think I'm bonkers? Is it obvious to others (and not so I can "look all spiritual and pat myself on the back...") that I am a man seeking to hear God and do his bidding, thus others close to me trust the word I'm sensing from the Lord? Or, am I so inconsistent in this that trust isn't given/isn't deserved?

Pondering Matthew 20:20-28

A Mother's Request

20Then the mother of Zebedee's sons came to Jesus with her sons and, kneeling down, asked a favor of him.
21"What is it you want?" he asked.
She said, "Grant that one of these two sons of mine may sit at your right and the other at your left in your kingdom."

22"You don't know what you are asking," Jesus said to them. "Can you drink the cup I am going to drink?"
"We can," they answered.

23Jesus said to them, "You will indeed drink from my cup, but to sit at my right or left is not for me to grant. These places belong to those for whom they have been prepared by my Father."

24When the ten heard about this, they were indignant with the two brothers. 25Jesus called them together and said, "You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. 26Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, 27and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— 28just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."

Words, phrases that stuck out to me:

*** "You don't know what you are asking..."; verse 22: I think sometimes we just simply don't get what it really means to have complete surrender and allegiance to Christ. We are good at saying things to others that sound spiritual, making promises to God, etc., that we so easily back out on once we realize the cost...

*** "These places belong to those for whom they have been prepared by my Father."; verse 23: This is just a reminder of God's sovereignty to me. God knows what's up...we need to not worry as much about figuring it all out...we just need to be obedient and follow Him. It just seems that we humans are too concerned about future specifics too much, whether it's asking for clear, detailed specifics about our own future (and as long as it's within our own criteria...hahaha) or if it's "out there" stuff like end times scenarios...but i think God just wants us to let him be God sometimes...and trust...

*** "...whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave-- just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."; verses 26-28: First, so much about Jesus' purpose is contained here. To serve. To be ransomed. It is hard for folks to even fathom that, because a) we are modeled leaders that often seem to feel entitled to be "worshipped", served by underlings, etc. Jesus said, "NONE OF THAT!" b) It's tough enough at times for Christians themselves to grasp that God would choose for his own son's death to be what paid for the sins of mankind...let alone non-believers. To those who do not claim to be followers of Christ, the notion of a "loving God sacrificing his son" probably seems barbaric and absurd...but if you look at the Old Testament, you can see how this all came to pass...

I also know a prayer of mine is to seek to be a servant first...and if I am a "leader", it is a leader that is seeking to serve those I'm leading, not be served myself. I was praying specifically to have this attitude this morning...and no kidding, 30 minutes didn't go by before I was "compelled" (aka, I didn't ponder it first, weigh the options...I just DID IT) to get up, sweep the floors, do dishes, laundry, etc. I was compelled to serve my family...and if you know my attitude toward cleaning, chores, etc., you KNOW that was an answer to prayer!!! :-)

Questions for me today:

When I say I seek to "follow Christ", am I just giving him/others lip service? What if I am asked to do a REALLY tough thing? What If I thought I was hearing things right...only to find out God really wants me to head a different direction altogether?

Am I really letting God be God, and trusting in his ultimate sovereignty?

What does a servant leader look like? What needs to be done to make sure "false humility" (for personal gain) doesn't happen?

Pondering Luke 2:21-40

Jesus Presented in the Temple
21On the eighth day, when it was time to circumcise him, he was named Jesus, the name the angel had given him before he had been conceived.
22When the time of their purification according to the Law of Moses had been completed, Joseph and Mary took him to Jerusalem to present him to the Lord 23(as it is written in the Law of the Lord, "Every firstborn male is to be consecrated to the Lord"[a]), 24and to offer a sacrifice in keeping with what is said in the Law of the Lord: "a pair of doves or two young pigeons."[b]
25Now there was a man in Jerusalem called Simeon, who was righteous and devout. He was waiting for the consolation of Israel, and the Holy Spirit was upon him. 26It had been revealed to him by the Holy Spirit that he would not die before he had seen the Lord's Christ. 27Moved by the Spirit, he went into the temple courts. When the parents brought in the child Jesus to do for him what the custom of the Law required, 28Simeon took him in his arms and praised God, saying:
29"Sovereign Lord, as you have promised,
you now dismiss[c] your servant in peace.
30For my eyes have seen your salvation,
31which you have prepared in the sight of all people,
32a light for revelation to the Gentiles
and for glory to your people Israel."

33The child's father and mother marveled at what was said about him. 34Then Simeon blessed them and said to Mary, his mother: "This child is destined to cause the falling and rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be spoken against, 35so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your own soul too."
36There was also a prophetess, Anna, the daughter of Phanuel, of the tribe of Asher. She was very old; she had lived with her husband seven years after her marriage, 37and then was a widow until she was eighty-four. She never left the temple but worshiped night and day, fasting and praying. 38Coming up to them at that very moment, she gave thanks to God and spoke about the child to all who were looking forward to the redemption of Jerusalem.
39When Joseph and Mary had done everything required by the Law of the Lord, they returned to Galilee to their own town of Nazareth. 40And the child grew and became strong; he was filled with wisdom, and the grace of God was upon him.

Footnotes:
Luke 2:23 Exodus 13:2,12
Luke 2:24 Lev. 12:8
Luke 2:29 Or promised, / now dismiss

Words/phrases that stuck out to me:

*** Moved by the Spirit..."; verse 27: How often do I ignore where God is leading? We need discernment, sure, or else every impulse we have can become "God's Spirit told me to..." (and we all know examples where either we or others could have used some wisdom there), but I know I am waaaaay too good at not following some leadings that are probably from God.

*** "...as you have promised..."; verse 29: Here we see yet another example of someone showing great faith and certainty. Simply put, Simeon certainly didn't seem "surprised" by this encounter with the young Jesus...

*** "...destined to cause the rising and falling of many..."; verse 34: I certainly have seen this (and it has been evidenced throughout history). Jesus rarely causes a "meh" attitude toward him and his claims as savior. In fact, I would propose that even lackadaisical attitudes and beliefs about Jesus equate to "against". To paraphrase early church father Augustine, either Jesus is everything...or he is nothing. Either Jesus changes everything about you, right down to your core...or not. And we all know of times where our faith and allegiance to Christ above all results in surprising anger and frustration thrown back at us by those not believing...despite attempts to show love (sounds like what happened to Jesus some, huh?).

*** "...hearts will be revealed."; verse 35: I think this goes hand-in-hand with the above comments. When we truly encounter the Messiah, our true nature is revealed...and we are laid bare.

*** ...grew and became strong; he was filled with wisdom, and the grace of God was upon him."; verse 40: This is about all we get about Jesus age 1 week-12 years or so...but oh how we should all be praying for the same for us and our kids!

Questions for myself:

Am I seeking to truly be completely influenced by God's Spirit? Or even as Tony Evans put it (and I heard on the radio last night) and David Crowder's song of this same title says, "intoxicated" by it? Do I talk myself out of what God wants from me in the name of being "prudent"? If I do try to be open to the Spirit...do I pray for wisdom and discernment so I can better judge what is God...and what is not? Ultimately, do I have the, um, juevos to do what God asks, even if others around (including well-meaning friends) think it's crazy?

Pondering Romans 8:18-27

Romans 8:18-27 (NIV)

18I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. 19The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. 20For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope 21that[a] the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.
22We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. 24For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? 25But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
26In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. 27And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.

Footnotes:
Romans 8:21 Or subjected it in hope. 21 For

Words, phrases, etc., that stuck out:

*** "...our present sufferings are not worth comparing...", middle of verse 18: I think I am often guilty of a "lack of true perspective" at times when I think about my struggles, start whining and complaining, etc. So our present crud a) is not worth comparing to all the Lord has gone through on our behalf...and when we don't deserve it, and b) NONE of it compares to the amazing wonder in store for us in Eternity...the tough thing is that our human minds can't comprehend it, so we aren't as "excited" as we should be!

*** The word "groaning" pops up a lot: I personally like that Paul (writer of this passage) acknowledges that both we have "groanings", and that they aren't dismissed as worthless. Let's be real: sometimes there IS really rough stuff going on in our lives, and it isn't to be taken with a flippant attitude.

*** The word "hope" pops up a lot: I think the word hope is a word we throw around a bunch, but like Jefe says to El Guapo in the fine arthouse film, "The Three Amigos", when Guapo keeps using the word plethora, "I do not think it means what you think it means." The sidebar discussion in my Bible seems to imply that most folks that the word hope to mean something more like "wishful thinking". Wow. I am sooooo guilty of that. Instead of treating hope as a certainty, a true belief that God is who he says he is, that he keeps promises, has saved me, has a grand plan for my life, etc., often I just treat all of it like wishful thinking...just wondering if it is all really true. And I should know better, as God has proved himself time and time again to me so much in life. My hope should be built on those things, not this crazy lack of faith I too often cultivate!

*** "But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has?"---end of verse 24: Wow. Good slam there! While I do think our hope can be "born" out of past experiences...they cannot be our true hope. We need to, if we truly believe, have a hope in things we can't see, feel, or prove with a math equation...

*** "...the Spirit intercedes...", middle of verse 27: How cool is that? When we don't know what to say, or how to "articulate" things to God when we need to experience his might...his Spirit knows and takes care of it all. Nice.

Questions, ponderings, etc.

Do I have a real hope? Or, is it only wishful thinking? I need real faith and belief...