My Life Going By...

I am addicted to almanacs. Of all kinds. Texas, World, and ESPN Sports almanacs are in high rotation in my home (and have been most of my "reading life"). As a result, the reading of almanacs "for fun" has resulted in a vast array of (mostly) useless knowledge that does little for me except allow me to win Trivial Pursuit a bunch and to attempt to prop up my ego at times (which isn't what I should do, agreed, just honest that there have been times I've probably just tried to "impress").

One fun thing I like to do with almanacs lately is to almost treat them like a time capsule of sorts. I catch myself saying things like, "Let's look back 10/15/20 years and see what was going on. I recently did that with a 2000 sports almanac, looking at the headlines, winners, and seeing which players on teams are still playing at all. It is humbling to say the least. Ten years ago does NOT seem that long ago, but the vast majority of people in that almanac are no longer playing...

This is just another example of how I am discovering (and I've said it before) that the older I get, the faster life moves. This isn't all bad, but sometimes I get nostalgic and realize, "My goodness, that was TEN YEARS AGO? What happened? That went so fast!"

But, it is a good thing (life going by quickly) in that the "waiting on the Lord" attitude I am called to have seems easier. I have many passions/goals/thoughts/dreams/ideas in my head, and it is getting easier to say things like, "I need to be patient and allow things to develop in a healthy way", instead of rushing them all into existence (and they fall flat, or don't even reach completion at all).

So, I am taking some time today to ponder where I've been, to realize how fast life goes, and to seek the balance between waiting and getting things going (because if I blink, five years will have gone by)...

Missing my Bible

Helllloooooo world. I'm back. It has been a good, busy summer. I have remained silent for longer than usual, but not for some of the typical reasons (aka, "spiritually dry"). Well, some of the lull is a result of busyness, but much of it was a proactive decision to just "sit" on some things for a bit. Simply put, I didn't want to post "just because". I think in the last few months I caught myself saying, "Well, I have to post something...", and as a result just wrote things that may not have had time to peculate. Oh, nothing scandalous or bad, just..."there"...

Well, I'm back. I won't promise how much of often, but I am ready to get back into my typical "school year routine" in the morning, which usually includes some permutation of coffee/classical-jazz-ambient-celtic music to inspire (aka "autumn morning")/reading/prayer/pondering/writing. I make efforts to minimize TV watching, and to, of course, let Jackson sleep (haha).

One thing is lacking from that routine as I begin again, however. My bible. You see, I think I left it on our junior high mission trip. Oh sure, I think I can call the place I left it and retrieve it fairly easily...but I keep forgetting for some reason. I have been trying to keep up with my spiritual feeding through books, listening to sermons via podcast, etc., but I noticed one thing last year that, for some reason in all the years of me following Jesus, I neglected to appreciate as much as I should.

Spending real, honest, prayerful time in the scriptures.

I mean, sure, I read it at times, and pondered many other times (although usually as a result of conversation, or a message, etc.), but had sadly struggled in all my years to make a true conscious point to study God's word as a vital part of my life. I mean, I would often try, using all kinds of tools, assists, study aids, devotional books, and plans, but they would always start off strong, then a few weeks later become something I just "did" and would not ponder. And before you knew it (usually after a month or so), I would skip a couple days and whammo, there goes my scripture time. And honestly, I would end up rationalizing and say something like, "Oh well, I still believe it all. I get to church a lot and have many deep, spiritual conversations, so I will be ok." And generally, I was. But this last year or so, I finally felt compelled to say, "Enough!" to all the excuses. I was tired of reading get-to-know-you surveys from others that seemed to honestly list "the Bible" as one's favorite book...when I would rather read sci fi or war novels or epic stories of elves and hobbits and knights.

So, I prayed for God to grant me the desire to truly dive into his divine revelation. And, he did!

So now, as I embark on another "school year" (not for me, but for my family, as my wife works at a school and my son prepares for his last year of pre-K), I am seeking God's help in re-igniting that passion. But, as I said, my Bible of choice is AWOL. Sure, there are others around, and if all else fails, I can hit up a store and get another one, but for those who have made it a point to dive into scripture on a personal level, it is hard to leave your "trusted, beat-up, marked-up" bible... So I will call the place I left it today...(ask me to see if I did!)

Charles Spurgeon, a famous preacher from the 1800s, said, "I bible that is in shambles is usually owned by someone whose life is not" (or, something like that...forgive me if the quote is not 100%). Prayerfully, I hope that is true of me, as my AWOL Bible is pretty marked up and "not pretty". Also, while exercising the other day and listening to one of the sermons I podcast, the pastor was talking on perseverance out of 2 Peter. He said (and not in an arrogant way) that ever since he met Christ at age 19, he had never backslid. He had sinned, sure, but never once walked away from the Lord, denied Christ, anything like that. His wife, on the other hand, had a time in her life (before they met) where she felt like she did wander away. He struggled to understand how she could do that once a believer, and she likewise wondered how he could not. So, in their conversation, he asked his wife, "What was the one thing missing that assisted in you straying from God?" He answer? She wasn't in her bible.

My response? I can see that. The bible itself isn't magic, but the Holy Spirit speaks through the words. We are encouraged, challenged, convicted through God's revelation to us humans. But, if we don't spend time in it, and I mean way more than just checking-off that we "read our bible today", well, I can completely see how we open up our hearts to straying, or at least, a "meh" attitude toward the things of God...

Have I kept Jesus on my mind? Oh, sure. I am grateful that in this past couple weeks of "little/no bible", God has kept a desire in my heart to not become "meh" through the podcasts and the reading of books (I am currently re-visiting "Don't Waste Your Life" by Piper, discussing it with a college student I know, and also attempting to read one of the Christian "fathers", Augustine...). But, I miss my bible. I know that nothing I can read will compare...

The War Against Stickers (Re-Posted and Slightly Updated)

I realize it has been less than a year since this was posted, but in both a literal (aka, the stickers in my yard are firing up again and the 2009 sticker battle is upon us) and metaphorical spiritually sense (some me, sure, but seems like many folks in my life are needing this challenge right now), this post, one of my favorites, is timely...

As anyone living in North Texas (especially areas that are more rural, or at least recently were) can relate, sticker weeds are a BIG problem in yards. When we moved to our current home in winter 2005, we barely had a yard at all, and what we did have was mostly dirt and stickers. We tried all kinds of things. We dropped seeds. Spread fertilizer and "weed-and-feed". Even sought advice from others...my Granny read about using "dried molasses"...and we did. We hydro-mulched the yard with Bermuda grass hoping it would take over...and to a point it did...but the stickers remained. Occasionally we would have "sticker pulling sessions", but no matter how much we gritted our teeth and tried to pull them, it was always only a fraction of the problem...a multitude of stickers remained. In the front yard, it wasn't as much of an issue since we didn't spend much time there, but our back yard was often "unplayable" to us (especially our young son) due to stickers...

But we didn't give up.

This spring, my wife went to a local nursery and asked about further anti-sticker strategies, specifically so we could win the fight in the back yard so Jackson could run amok at will. She was shown a method that was risky, almost illegal (apparently not though), and had to be done a certain way. Well, we did it (you'll have to ask Missy exactly what it was...I can't even remember!), and waited. At first, it was a big "uh-oh", as much of our back yard began to die. The stuff we liked was turning brown! Did we just kill off our whole yard? We were confused...we were glad to be killing stickers, but in the wiping out of them we had to wipe some "good" stuff away, too...

Well, a neat thing happened, and it wasn't something we even realized immediately. Well, the first part we did: the "good yard" stuff came back...and we even added some new grass (pallets of St. Augustine) in areas that were dominated by dirt and wouldn't grow anything but a few wispy weeds. But then a funny thing happened...one day mid-summer while I was out walking the yard, I suddenly realized something: THERE WERE NO MORE STICKERS! I mean, zero. All other attempts had produced little "sticker removal", and even if they sort-of worked, ultimately they were futile attempts. But when we finally "gave up", and did the extreme thing, it may have hurt a bit, but it worked.

But it hasn't been completely without need to do "yard sweeps" occasionally...

You see, our neighbors' yards (at least on two sides...can't speak for behind us) are chock-full of stickers, and it doesn't seem like they care to fight them. So, occasionally one wanders under a fence, or sticks to a shoe when I need to go retrieve a ball, etc., and drops roots. But you know what? It is no biggie now...the fight doesn't seem "futile". Oh sure, sometimes a bit of pain is still involved, because pulling stickers involves, well, little pokey things that like to dig into your skin! BUT, since we pay close attention (even Jax is in on it now...he is a good "sticker hunter"), we just expose, pluck, and it's gone. And the yard is again clear and safe for free play.

(Waiting for the "life/faith parallel"? Here it comes haha)

We need to do "sticker sweeps" in our own life. We all have crud that holds us back. But the problem often is that we want the easy solution...hoping to "luck out" and it works. One of less commitment, or of less pain being involved. But at some point, we all must realize that dying to "self" is exactly that: dying. But we don't like that. We want to hold on. We want easy. But the only solution is one that is risky... Surrendering to Jesus. Completely. I know we like to say grace is a "free gift", and it is, and that all we must do is believe, and that's true...but anyone who is holistically surrendered to the Lord knows that the process of surrender involves a bit of pain, or change of comfortable attitudes and habits...because once we really give in to God, our "yuck" is exposed. The process of total surrender can even mean some "good" things need to die for a season (like our yard did) to get it to where it needed to be, but the good came back with abundance...and the stickers were gone. Not gone for good since our friends and neighbors may simply not care or understand about our personal sticker removal focus (and temptation and evil will always try to fight through...much like the stickers all around us still try to "jump the fence"), but after total surrender, with realization that Jesus wiped our sins GONE with his death and resurrection, when the stickers try to fight back, as long as we keep "searching our yard" of life often, they are quickly plucked away. And we are again able to run free!

All this also brings a few biblical concepts to mind. First is the concept of "thorns". Several places in the New Testament allude to "thorns". Here are some samples:

Matthew 13:22The one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful.

2 Corinthians 12:7To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.

Hebrews 6:8But land that produces thorns and thistles is worthless and is in danger of being cursed. In the end it will be burned.

Thorns, like stickers, seem to be those things that take our true focus and allegiance from God. Essentially, sin. Sometimes we "know" God, but are just so hamstrung by the crud holding us back, like the Matthew passage. Sometimes we are tormented, usually when God is doing amazing things, by "thorns in the flesh", like Paul had. And sometimes, we need to realize that when the culture around us is just "thorns and thistles", like the writer of Hebrews says, we need to be wary because it will get thrown to the fire...and we need to often ask, "Lord, is that me/us?"

In the end, however, the hardest part isn't sensing the stickers, thorns, sin in our lives that hold us back from true freedom...it is the willingness to truly die to ourselves and do "whatever is necessary" to come back into utter allegiance to Jesus. It can't be just gritting our teeth and "Taking care of things ourselves", like we tried to do with our sticker-pulling parties: in the end, they were just band-aids and the stickers still remained in force. Ponder this:

Matthew 5:29-30: 29If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.

That's the tough part...the desperate part...the, "but if I totally surrender, I may need to take some drastic measures in my life, and folks will wonder about me" part. But look at yourself. What is your thorn? What needs to be "cut off"? Do you need to quit running with a certain crowd because they bring you down attitudinally or through your actions? Is there a relationship that is pulling you from the Lord? Do you need to put your computer in a public place or get accountability software so you don't look at inappropriate websites? Do you need to humble yourself and seek help from a professional in some area? These are all things that are a part of the "cutting off" process...and it will hurt, expose, etc. BUT, just like our back yard died and came back...we need to "die" and let God regenerate us...so we can truly run, play, dance, FREELY, without fear, with great joy! I still have personal stickers that pop up here-and-there, but I admit a few places I've had to "cut off" or "gouge out", and man, I'm so glad I did. It may have been hard, may have involved some confession to God and others, and the risk of unacceptance, rejection, and embarrassment was there...but it was all worth it so I could again experience the freedom that Jesus speaks of...

"And the more I considered Christianity, the more I found that while it had an established rule and order, the chief aim of that order was to give room for good things to run wild."
--G.K. Chesterton, from "Orthodoxy"

Let's do what it takes and free ourselves so we can run wild for Jesus!

Lessons Learned During an Unintentional Blog Silence...

So after a whirlwind end of 2008/first few months of 2009 blogging-wise, last month something happened: I just didn't blog much. If you've been keeping up with good ol' haphazardangus for awhile, you know that the vast majority of recent posts have been in the form of "faith ponderings". Essentially, a re-visit of some scripture passage I've read recently. As I had a personal resurgence in late 2008 for personal scripture study, I felt like blogging about my thoughts, challenges, etc., that I found within the readings. It became a pseudo-journaling experience (something I've often been challenged by others to do as a good spiritual exercise, but for whatever reason, just couldn't "get into"); one that I know some read and were blessed by, and I am humbled by that! But in late March and into April (and, if I'm not careful, it could easily bleed into May as well...), I simply got busy. Now, I didn't get too busy to spend time in the Word nearly daily (whew!), but I just didn't "have the time" to revisit the passages later on and reconnect, seek wisdom, share thoughts. At first it was no biggie, but looking back at the past six weeks or so of general silence, I have learned and noticed a few things:

While I am grateful for the continued discipline to seek God first thing in the morning, so seek his wisdom in the scriptures, etc., I now know that all the "you need to journal, Ben"-types were onto something. I realize now that that exercise of regular posting of those ponderings really helped me engage Truth more deeply. I would be forced to make the placing of scripture on my heart an "all-day" affair, as I would ponder Truth multiple times a day. I would more easily remember what God was trying to say to me. And I would also be more apt to look back at old posts and be reminded of stuff, encouraged, challenged. Now? Well sure, I still get up and give God the firstfruits of the day...but too often, what I read in the morning just stays on that couch. I often can't tell you, say, at dinnertime what I read before the sun came up like I used to. That bothers me...

I also have learned that I am crazy busy right now. It's not even "bad stuff", and in many cases, it's necessary stuff. But there is a lot of it right now. Prepping and leading my first Real World Parents seminar (I think it went well; I may post my thoughts soon). Working on a curriculum with other area youth ministers that needs to be ready for "prime time" by early June (and I'm struggling for inspiration). Being a big part of our church's confirmation program going on right now. Trying to help Missy find a teaching job somewhere (I'm helping fill out online applications, etc. They are tedious!). Jax's soccer "stuff". Some new stuff at church I'm somewhat involved in (new parent group, occasionally filling in for the drummer in our contemporary service band, even giving a message later this month, hosting our own Real World Parents seminar, and trying to figure out how to "raise leaders" in our ministry to take them to the next level...). CTCYM mission trip planning that is looming large on the horizon. Some health issues recently (not serious, but more "annoying" that required way too many doctor visits that cut into my time...). And all the while, seeking to be the best dad and hubby I can by giving Jax and Missy as much attention and service I can. But it's a bunch of things, and unfortunately, blogging went by the wayside. What used to be a nice mid-day "break" became, "Oh jeez, now I need to post something..." My breaks became less about renewal (blogging, exercising, etc.) and more just sitting, staring into space or at a facebook page. Something needs to give here...

So, as I sift through this first week of May, my prayer is that my heart will be stirred up to make it all happen again. I am not in a "bad place", but I can tell the "meh" is creeping up if I don't be proactive and do something. That is another lesson I've learned that I wish more Christians would do: When you see the "meh" attitudes toward faith creeping in...DO SOMETHING. Too many times I see myself and others just let the ambivalence creep in...and don't fight it. And then, six months later, you just don't care at all... Thankfully God bashes through at some point, but why wait for that? Let's go NOW!

See you guys here again soon!

Ask and Ye Shall Recieve...

Several months ago, I had one of those "give up and just ask for it" moments with God. It involved my own personal passion and desire to seek Him through the scriptures. I have had various "flirtations" I suppose you could say to really studying the Bible, and I've been in various Bible studies over the years, but if I'm honest, most attempts were more because it was something I "should" do as a Christian. And at my most "meh" moments, the reading of scripture by my own eyes became something I did more for the benefit of others (aka, preparation for a lesson or message...), and while I did pay attention in those times...it still was just "scripture study because I have to". No bueno...

Well, I got fed up with my lack-of "want to" when it came to personal study of God's Word. I got fed up being a follower of Jesus who still couldn't list "reading the Bible" honestly as many of my peers could when asked about one of their most cherished activities. It wasn't as much a jealousy thing as an honest "wish" that I had such a passion for the Bible. I mean, I can read almanacs all day, look at atlases, and COMPLETELY devour the info at a disturbing rate (just ask my friends who try to play me at Trivial Pursuit haha :-) ), why can't I seem to "want to" do that with the Holy Scriptures that are supposed to guide my entire being?????? Well, I finally gave that frustration up to God, and a funny (but should NEVER have been surprising) thing happened...

...I actually started WANTING to read the Bible. To really study and engage with it, not just to "check off that I read my Bible today". And you know what else? It has affected me! I'm not perfect AT ALL because of it...but there are so many ways that my eyes have been opened...to the darkness of my heart at times...to how I am to love my wife like Jesus loves his bride, the Church...to how EVERYTHING I DO is to be an act of worship to the Most High God (singing, this blog, playing with Jax, how I minister to my wife, patience in lines, what I say about others...you name it...), etc. Just so much stuff. Oh sure, I knew so many of those "concepts" before through sermons, conversations, or other times of Bible study...but for some reason, it's just sticking more. Motivating me more. And also, when I don't have my "time" in the morning...I miss it. Terribly. I can assure you THAT emotion never existed before. It was more like, "Oh well, I didn't read my Bible today...I'll just pick up later," and usually, I never did...

Of course, this love and motivation to devour scripture has resulted in an, "I took the red pill" (think The Matrix) kind of thing happening to me. My heart aches more for those that don't know Jesus. A boldness is coming out of me more-and-more. Sometimes it doesn't get the reaction in others I'm hoping for...but I soldier on seeking a merciful heart in all of it (because if I'm not careful, I can become "That Christian" who is just wanting folks to know God like I do, DANG IT! ...but gets bitter and frustrated when they don't...instead of just loving them and continuing to live my faith as an example...).

So thanks God for finally breaking through my walls and planting a desire for your Word!!!!!! Forgive me for just giving it little bits and pieces of my attention over the years...

"Getting Up-set, for all the Wrong Reasons..." (sung to the tune of Looking for Love (In all the Wrong Places) as sung by Johnny Lee)

Ok, so you really don't have to sing...

But I saw first-hand how my selfishness can produce strong emotion when things aren't going my way.

It went something like this: I woke up before the rest of the family as per usual (6:50 am-ish). I got the coffee going, turned on a few lights, turned on my "morning" mix of classical/jazz/ambient music, prayed, and sat down to read my scripture passage for the day. After that (30 min or so later), I turned on the tube to check the weather for a bit (we are in the midst of an Ice Storm Warning), then decide to do my own "25 Random Things About ME" that is floating around Facebook nowadays. About 10 minutes after I begin typing, Jax wakes up. No biggie. I get some of "his shows" on, get his breakfast, inform him that school is cancelled, and proceed to continue typing...

Well, before I knew it, it was like 45 minutes later and I was only on number 15 or so in the list. Jax is starting to (rightfully so) get antsy and wants my attention, grabbing my right arm, etc. I say things like, "If you let my arm go, I'll get done faster", as, of course, I still attempt to type with my left hand. He releases. I proceed to move to the recliner across the room (tougher access for Jax to "get to me") and keep typing.

I finish all 25.

I am pleased.

I cannot wait for all my friends to read all this random stuff about me, hopefully laugh some, maybe be surprised, maybe impressed. You can call me Narcissus now.

My final act before hitting "post" is to "tag" 25 friends who will receive a note about my posting. So, I have 23 picked...and Jax decided to come over, climb on me, and hits inadvertently a couple buttons...

...and my posting disappears into oblivion...

Gone.

And no, I couldn't "save" it, as Facebook does not have that function like, say, this blog has.

I am really upset. Jax gets down. I slam the computer shut. I proceed to let him know that he just made Daddy lose what he had been working on for like an hour.

He looked back at me with the worst face. You know, that face like you just (for no reason) had just taken his favorite bedtime buddies and burned them right in front of his face. Laughing. No, cackling.

He almost started to cry because I had successfully made him feel guilty.

I stomp off, partly in frustration, but as the steps added up, they quickly became to gather my senses. To calm down. And I heard that voice saying, "Make this right, Dad. Do you realize you just punished your son for something as selfish as a FACEBOOK POST???!!!"

So I took a deep breath and calmly went to Jax. I explain to him that I am sorry, and that Daddy can just type it again later if I want to. I do take a bit of time to explain that sometimes Mommy or Daddy do at times need to do important things on the computer, and he needs to let us if the task cannot wait, but that this time, it truly wasn't important.

It was a selfish thing.

I need to remember this. I need to ask myself often if something I "want" or think I deserve are really worth shutting all else (and all others) out... How often we do that! I'm not saying we don't need "me" time, or time to rest, reflect, and recreate...but you see, I had already had that time today...and it was time for me to be with my son...

Lord, help me to seek to be selfLESS, not so dang selfish... Amen.

Living Like God Uses a Gold Star Chart

I often, when speaking with others about things like God's grace, love, etc., like to inform people that God does not use those charts on us like elementary teachers do. I'm actually not sure they still do, but when I was a young kiddo in the 80s, I know that many teachers had "star charts", where one could get a star (or even a "level" of star...like red is ok, gold is great, etc.) based on how much good vs. bad behavior existed in you that day at school. Well, despite some of the good uses of charts like this as tools for us, I think we've messed up and started using them (in our own evaluation of life with God) as a means to an end...and scripture clearly tells us that while there may be behavior/attitude lists throughout scripture for us to pay great attention to, those aren't the means to a goal...

Ephesians 2:8For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God...

That's one of the "biggie" verses used to help us realize that our salvation has nothing to do with us gritting our teeth and trying to be good, following a list, and thus getting enough "gold stars vs. no stars", ending up on the "plus" side, and earning our way to Heaven. Nope. All God. All grace. All faith...which is tough for us because we want something tangible, measurable...but God just isn't that way. This actually comforts me...but I know many struggle with it.

So, why am I deciding to actually write on this issue?

Well, the other day while on a "girls" weekend with her mom, my wife Missy bought a pretty cool "responsibilities chart" for us to use alongside Jackson, our 4 1/2 year-old. Essentially, it has magnets with various home chores, jobs, and even attitudes we can place on the board, and for each day Jax completes them, he gets to put a smiley face magnet.

But after pondering some deeper issues regarding this new chart, I realized something: If we are not very careful and proactive here, we could instill a life-focus that is not how God works in Jax...the gold star chart-view of God and us that I've been warning against.

So after some prayerful pondering (helped by the timely chapters I read this morning in an EXCELLENT book for parents, "Raising Adults" by Jim Hancock), I decided that we will need to be very proactive in teaching (and modeling...which will be harder) Jax that this new chart is a tool for him to see how he's been doing...but that if he doesn't get the smiley face, our love for him does not change. I do this because I firmly believe that the main priority for us as parents is to show (usually by modeling attitudes and actions) our son glimpses of God's love and character, and he needs to know that God does not use a chart like this when viewing him. Oh, I know some will say, "But what about the Ten Commandments and the rest of God's Law?" Well, I think that God does use those laws to show us our ineptitude without him more than say, "Well, Ben, you know, you ended life with a plus-minus rating of 5, doing 5 more good things than bad...so I guess you belong with me..." That is rough for us because the vast majority view God that way...and miss the point. We do not want Jax to miss the point.

So, as he sat in his corner of the sectional munching on cereal and watching some cartoon, I paused the TV and told him, "Hey Jax, you know that chart yesterday? The one where we picked 3 goals for you this week and you got one smiley yesterday? I want you to know something: While it is good for you to look at this chart and see what needs to be done, you must know that mom and dad love you the same whether you get 3 smileys or zero. It's good to do these things and use them as a checklist, but we love you no matter what." I said that because I think God looks at us that way when we release ourselves to him and trust in Jesus' redemption of our souls. He says, "You are mine...and while you may fail...I still love you. But remember these guidelines and challenges, as they are what's best, and I hope you choose to live them not out of some point system, but out of gratitude for how I've blessed you."

Oh, how I pray to live that way, model that, etc.! The lists of do's and do-not's are for a reason...and we do need to pay attention and pray for God to keep making us more like Christ (as he promises to do! Encouraging!). But, they should flow out of us from gratitude, not because we are trying to get a better score on the test...

Things Learned During the Great Unplug of Late 08/Early 09

Between December 24 and January 3, I did something I rarely accomplish: I basically unplugged. No internet (including facebook), with the exception of twice checking email (and thankfully I didn't have any needing immediate replies). I also, thankfully, had zero phone calls/texts except those dealing with a New Years' Eve party we were attending and needed to correspond over. It was SO FREEING. In fact, the hardest part may have been not blogging! Oh well. On to some random, not-ranked musings from my time:

I have recently replaced listening to music each time I exercise with listening to messages from other churches, most recently from Austin Stone Community Church (www.austinstone.org). I am quite inspired by their message, goals, and mission.

Don't forget to kiss your wife at midnight on New Years' Eve. Ever. Just don't. Trust me.

I think it's funny how some folks just can't unplug (and I noticed it more since I did). I mean, not offensive, just...kinda funny. I was at a party on Dec. 31, and it was a great time! But, at least once I saw over half those attending (and these are folks in their upper-20s through upper-30s) typing away things on their iphones, etc. I guess I'm old fashioned, as I'm the guy who will often "lose" (haha) their cell phone in the car when I'm eating with someone or hanging out... :-) But, I still must be careful not to judge, as I would certainly have huge temptation to surf the web non-stop, update facebooks and twitters, and always be checking my email if I had one of those phones with such capability...

I am a BAD singer, but I must be better than at least some guys, as I beat several folks in the surprisingly fun "SingStar" game.

I really do miss just hanging out with folks. I mean, we have friends were we live now, sure, but not really any we just hang with very often. Every time we get together with the Austin's or Travis' (and the crew that accompanies them), Missy and I just have a ball, and it shows me that I can be quite the social animal when I want to be :-).

Don't forget to kiss your wife at midnight on New Years' Eve. Ever. Just don't. Trust me.

I didn't do my usual "zone out spiritually"-thing like I often do on vacations. I still enjoyed engaging scripture most days, and even finished a GREAT book (Rich Mullins: An Arrow Pointing to Heaven) while in Arlington post-Christmas.

Jax is a hiking hoss. Really, dang. And only 4 1/2, yet so "directionally inclined". I had so much fun on our nearly daily hikes.

While we didn't really get out much while in Kerrville (like to eat, shop, etc.), I still felt refreshed when I returned. Motivated. All those things. Look out...

Don't forget to kiss your wife at midnight on New Years' Eve. Ever. Just don't. Trust me.

I think it may be physically impossible to actually lose weight over the Thanksgiving/Christmas holidays. I held stead most of Deceber in my typical 185ish-land, and I at least thought I was eating a bit less/healthier than normal (with a few exceptions, of course...but often large amounts of food at meals are NOT exceptions this time of year) coupled with nearly daily exercise in Kerrville (not counting hikes) and, oh, doing about 1200 pushups and 1400 crunches over a 7-day period...I still somehow gained like 4 or 5 pounds. Sigh.

Did I mention to not forget kissing the wifey at midnight, Dec. 31? Ok, I guess I will fess up and tell the story: Yes, I forgot all about that tradition. We were watching the ball drop at the Austin's in San Antonio, and since I am old, I was tired by, oh, 10:30 pm. So when midnight hit, I was zoned out, staring at the corner of the table or something. I missed all the couples kissing. I groggily look up at Missy, who gives me (what I thought was, at least) a brief, playful "air kiss". I look at her confused, kinda chuckling. She got mad. "You didn't even kiss me". Oops. I felt SO BAD. I could tell she was hurt, and although some would say, "Oh, big deal...", you all who are married know that some stuff you just don't mess with. And I guess kissing at midnight on New Years Eve is one of those times for us! Sorry Missy! I truly was bummed that I forgot... It's all good now...

2008: Realizations

These are just some things that come to mind when I ponder the year that is almost past...

I realized more this year than most, I think, that while God can certainly use me, my words, actions, etc., that ultimately I myself cannot change others, make something happen the way "I" want it to, etc. The key words in there being "I", "me", "myself"... It seems like when I've had strong goals and purposes to something or for someone...well, it tends to not turn out like I expect/hope, even if there are some good reasons for those hopes, goals, and purposes. Instead, I've realized more this year than most (or, it at least seems so right now) that when I can look back and see where God has been visibly at work in others through something that involved me in some way (whether it was my idea or even just "me being me"), it was not planned. In some ways, the "thing" that happened didn't even necessarily occur in 2008, it was just realized or expressed to me in 2008. So, while I might have planned certain events at church with high hopes, or had planned conversations (with planned results of change in the other person), or taught lessons that I thought would rock the youth group to it's core...well, often none of that happened. Oh sure, I bet God still did things through it all...but I just didn't always see it using "my criteria". But oh, the cool things I DID see that were unplanned...the kids that were effected by something that weren't the ones I thought would be so moved...the ways things often just "lined up well" when I was getting discouraged and impatient (and why do we seem to conveniently forget those times??? They ALWAYS happen...)...the random conversations and meetings that resulted in some really cool stuff...etc...

I realized this year more than before that being a father is bringing me closer to God. Old stories from scripture that involve fathers (Abraham and Issac...Prodigal Son...etc.) have really hit me like never before and not only show me my love for Jackson, but also God's love for me. And while I certainly think people can be single or child-less and still be as "whole" as anyone else...some experiences in life (like being called "Daddy") can just change everything and shake your faith at the foundations, making it even deeper...if you let it...

I also realized more than ever this year how my love for my wife, Missy, needs to reflect Jesus' love for us, his church. I've had realizations of that in past years, sure, but this year for some reason I really started taking it more to heart, choosing to love her more deeply, and asking God to humble me so I could better love and serve her like Jesus does us... So, what has that meant to me? Well, it means sacrifice, first and foremost. Jesus sacrificed for me. I need to sacrifice "my wants" for Missy. It also means serving her and making choices that are meant to bless her, help her grow, etc., even if they may not make "sense" to everyone. And it means that even if I don't get something back in return, I still do these things. I mean, sure, it would be great if every time I served or sacrificed for Missy's sake, that I got all kinds of attention, return sacrifice, etc., and usually she does, but my attitude and action need not depend on what she does or doesn't do. That's the biggie. My wife sometimes has struggles health-wise for example, or handles things differently than I due to our personality make-up and upbringing, and sometimes I know that results in lack-of-understanding form others...but I will serve and sacrifice for her nonetheless. Or, at least that's the hope and prayer, as I'm certainly NOT perfect in it. Why be that way? Ask yourself: how many times am I selfish, want "my" way, feel entitled to stuff, or just flat out SIN...and Jesus is still there? Answer: ALWAYS. No matter what. I need the same attitude, and in 2008, for some reason, I've felt compelled to be more proactive about it...

I realized that pizza is still good. After 34 years, nothing has changed there :-)

I also realized (to stay on food) that one's "taste" actually does change with age. Or maybe it's just me realizing the need to try and eat somewhat healthier...or just broaden horizons...haha. Whatever. All I know is that if you would have told me 10 years ago that I would not only choose to eat, but ENJOY things like spinach, green beans, peas, and even normal faves of mine that just have more of a "veggie" presence (like soups, for example...I actually am known to eat a minestrone soup and EAT IT ALL...that was unheard of...), I would have called you out as a big fat liar...

I realized that another example that I am getting old is that I have quit listening (at least as much as I used to) "new music", or specifically, music from newer artists. Oh sure, I'll gobble up the newest Coldplay or grab the new Robert Plant/Allison Krauss or look expectantly to the new U2 cd coming out in March 2009 (woohoo!), but those are just older artists' "new work". I am officially THAT GUY who tries desperately to listen to the radio occasionally (usually the "modern rock station") hoping to find something of worth...and come away sighing, "Oh wow, all of this STINKS." You know, teens will proclaim how "Band X is the best, most talented, EVER!!!!!", and when I listen, I'm like, "You must be joking...all they do is sound like 593 other bands out there, trying to sound moody, or edgy, or shocking, etc..." Sad thing is that I was just like them...haha. I am getting old...

I realized that there are few things in life that can give me joy like watching my son have the time of his life. I mean, seriously, I could just be sitting in a chair observing, and if Jax is having a ball, so am I. The example from 2008 was Sea World in August. That may have been the most fun he's ever had (well, our few "snow days" have been up there too...). I always look back at pics from that time, or remember what we did and saw, and just smile...

...captive Israel... aka, us (aka me)

In the song, "O Come Emmanuel", one of the lines is talking about Emmanuel (aka "God With Us", aka Jesus...), where he is said to, "...ransom captive Israel". That resonates with me right now. Throughout scripture, "Israel" is used to mean more than just a small sliver of land on a map east of the Mediterranean Sea. In the Old Testament, it represents a people, God's people, and beyond that time, I believe it is meant to continue representing God's people.

Why should I pay attention to being compared with "Israel"? Well, I don't know how many times I've read or heard various Old Testament stories about the folks back then, and gone, "Come on, Israel! Why the whining? Why the complaining? You just saw the power of God! I wish I could see it as plain as you did, and there you go, following other 'gods', how stupid! How selfish! How weak! How..."

Me.

See, whether I choose the label Christian, or disciple, or Follower of Jesus... I'm still just like Israel. And God, while allowing some hard times, having to endure his people basically ditching him a myriad times, is always there for them. ALWAYS THERE. He promises redemption. He saves them. And yes, ultimately, he pays a ransom for their captivity. This is also what he does for me. I was captive to sin until age 16, when I realized (not through my own mind being convinced...I truly believe only the Holy Spirit speaking to my heart could save me...) that God loves me enough, even in my captivity and allegiance to everything besides him, to pay a ransom for me through the Cross. And while I have been ransomed...oh, how quick I can run. Forget. Shrug-off. Follow "other gods". Even when I've seen God's power and might on personal (and amazing) levels, I still can do all these things just a few days later. I am Israel. But I have been ransomed nonetheless, and thus need to shout with joy!

Some things I am asking and reminding myself today and throughout this season we call Advent/Christmas:

How am I “captive”? What is holding me captive?

Lord, give me a desire to want you to be in control of my life…

Lord, help me rejoice! Show me where you have given me things to praise you for…

Lord, expose my faults, my selfishness, my struggles…and let me feel your forgiveness…

AMEN

Making Thunder...

As I've said recently (http://haphazardangus.blogspot.com/2008/12/great-song.html), I have been blessed by discovering the music of an old 80s band, The Call. Another of their songs has been flying through my head lately (even when I cannot help it!), called "The Morning". The part that specifically is awesome to me is what I suppose you'd call the "bridge" or "tag" (you know...that part about 2/3 through some songs that is structured differently than the rest of the song...musicians know what I mean):

I wanna run, I wanna shout, I wanna make thunder
Wanna know what kind of spell I've fallen under
Show me, show me
I wanna live, I wanna breathe, I wanna love hard
Wanna give my life to you
Lose me in you

I just love this cry to God. I hear complete, reckless desire to be God's. I especially love the lines about making thunder and loving hard. To love hard...implies truly choosing to love, being proactive in it, purposeful in it. To look for where God's love can shine through you and going for it... And making thunder? Not sure, but the wild man in me just thinks it sounds cool. Sounds William Wallace-esque. Maximus-sque. Aragorn-esque. You get the picture. While I am not always "wired" like those famous movie characters...I cannot deny that when I watch Braveheart, Gladiator, or The Lord of the Rings series, a part of my soul wants to "have what they're having", so to speak...a passion to do whatever it takes...to "make thunder" in this world in the name of Jesus...

Hmmmm (aka, wondering "why")

I'm not going to go into detail here, but if you read this, would you pray for my family right now? Prayers for patience, clarity, peace, wisdom, etc. all sound about right.

Sometimes it is so tough to deal with hardships/testing (haha, I recently wrote this: http://haphazardangus.blogspot.com/2008/12/pondering-hebrews-121-13.html, need to really remember it now). Right now, we just found something out that isn't what we had hoped. Frustration, questioning has ensued. Past issues and emotions resulting from them have come back. Peace and forgiveness is needed. But it's hard...

So, I am going to read my "pondering Hebrews" post again...pray for strength, etc. I also need to find ways to ecourage Missy (wife) in all this. I'm not fired up, but she is REALLY struggling with it...

December...already?

Wow. December 2008 is upon us. One part of life that I've noticed that is a BIG change from my younger years is that life simply "moves" faster. I remember back in my school years that time seemed to drag. A school year seemed like an eternity. Christmas always seemed like eons ago. Going over to a friend's house after school, from say 3:30-5 pm, seemed like plenty of time to play, explore, etc. Visiting grandparents from Friday night (always arriving during the news) until Sunday lunch, with only one "real day" (Saturday) to play, run around town, etc., still seemed like a decently long trip.

No more.

Holidays from multiple years run together, and I often place my memories from them in the wrong year. Along those lines, instead of, say, Christmas seeming so long ago, it is more like, "My goodness...it's time again? Seems like it just happened!" As far as trips go, I just got back from a Tuesday-Saturday visit with my family in Kingwood, and when Saturday arrived, I was shocked it was already time to drive back to Weatherford. And we had been there parts of five days! When we do visit someone for just a couple days, it seems like a flash, almost "not worth" such a short trip...why? It didn't use to be that way...

Have I really been out of college for ELEVEN years? Those memories are still so vivid... And I can't believe I've been married over seven years. I vividly remember Missy and I just dating...and now seven years!? Wow. I can't believe we've been in Weatherford 4 1/2 years. We were in Houston only three, but for some reason, that time seemed to take longer. How come? And maybe most shocking of all, I can't believe we've had Jackson for 4 1/2 years... Forget the fact that I still can't believe he's FOUR (when he's closing in on FIVE), It's just amazing to see pics of him as a baby and go, "My goodness...that really doesn't seem that long ago." And, listening to parents of older kids, it doesn't get any slower. The old adage of, "One day, you wake up and they are leaving home," is surely true. And I'm not always looking forward to that fact...not due to fear, but more selfishly wanting more "time"!

It isn't all bad. Life moving fast does have it's perks. Holidays DO come quicker, and I love this time of year, even if it gets hectic. And I can't wait to see what our little family will become as the years go by...and I know the wait won't seem as long. Being patient also becomes easier, as having to wait for things that may be a year down the road doesn't seem like such an eternity...

So here's to life going by, in all it's excitement, wonder, unknown, joy, hope...

Not Another "There is a Big Day Coming Soon...Better Blog on It!" Post...

...well, sort of :-)

Today we go down to spend parts of FIVE days with my family in the Houston, TX, area. I will resist the obvious temptation to spend some words here challenging each of you to be truly grateful and thankful...and instead throw together a haphazard list of things I am grateful for so far this year...just how they come to me...

A renewed passion for scripture. Sad to say, I've been in quite a "personal scriptural study rut" for WAY too long. Oh sure, I open my Bible a lot...but too often just to prepare a message, do something for "work" (and I need to not look at it like that).

Missy (coolest wife anyone could ever want) and Jackson (my Padawan...yes, I think he is a Jedi in training).

Fellow sojourners that walk alongside me, challenge me, lift me up, etc., and this year, a special shout out to my "older sis" Cyndi Cantrell...thanks for being a friend who is always there for support, always keeping me on my toes, and not afraid to bring/accept "coffee peace offerings"...hahaha

My mentor, Tom Loughrey, Sr. You, sir, have so much wisdom to offer...

Parents that support, trust, are fun, etc...

And the bestest Gramma/Pops/Oma/Opa a little boy named Jax could EVER want.

Mother's Day with Granny...and when she went home this summer, a true celebration of an awesome lady, not a "cry fest"...

Great friends, like the Travis', Austin's, Morrison's, Julia, Andy Payne...

New friends, like the CTCYM crew: Amanda "Mandy" Sargent, Brad and Lorinda Yates, etc.

New mornings.

The teens and parents of First UMC, Weatherford. It is always an honor to be among you.

God's provision. I may not always get what I "want", but Lord, you always supply enough. I am thankful for food on the table, a roof, transportation, the ability to occasionally "get out" with the fam...

SEA WORLD/KERRVILLE TRIP. Two words: Awe Some...

The snow in March. Just when I thought Jax and I wouldn't have a "snow day" this last winter...BOOM! I think some of my favorite days EVER have been snow days...and they are so cool with The Boy running around with me.

That's all for now. Gotta fix breakfast and get ready to drive south almost 300 miles!

Have a great week! Blessings to all...

Trying to Change the Dreaded Words: "Hold On"

As I continue the journey of being the best husband and father I can be, I have felt especially convicted to be more aware of two words I've made too much a part of my vocabulary for my ENTIRE LIFE (mom and dad can attest...): "Hold on"...

I say those words like crazy. I'm surfing the web, and asked to do something..."hold on"...and the request doesn't happen for like an hour (if at all). I know it has bugged my parents for years, and my wife since we've been married, but I guess I had too much pride (and selfishness, really) to think it was that big a deal. And then you have a kid...start seeing the behavior in them...and begin to go, "Gee, that's kind of annoying! I asked you to start cleaning your mess and you said, 'Hang on Daddy', so you could finish racing your cars...for another 20 minutes...I don't like that attitude!"

Oh crud.

That's me.

So, I've been praying for some attitude change here. Now, some things truly are important and I need to be allowed to finish them (like a couple nights ago when I was frantically trying to finish cooking dinner and if I were to leave my post, stuff would burn...and momma was in the kitchen baking as well, so dang it, Jax needed to wait), and in those instances I am trying to say, "Just a minute, I need to finish ______ first", instead of just a generic, "Hold on!"

But beyond that, as a parent with the goal of modeling good attitudes/behavior to my child, I must, MUST seek humility, ask the hard question, "Where am I at fault by modeling this behavior I wish to change in my son?", and be selfless enough to ask God to change my heart. So, I am praying for the selflessness to stop saying "hold on" so much, especially when I truly am doing NOTHING (like, surfing the web mindlessly, watching Sportscenter, etc.), and just get up and complete the requested task.

Now, don't think I wish to be taken advantage of, either. I also need to pay attention to myself and if I am truly POOPED OUT, and others can help me do the task, I need to lovingly say, "Honey, can you do it for me? I really need to just sit and chill for a bit..." The key is moderation...

Pondering Romans 8:18-27

Romans 8:18-27 (NIV)

18I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. 19The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. 20For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope 21that[a] the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.
22We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. 24For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? 25But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
26In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. 27And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.

Footnotes:
Romans 8:21 Or subjected it in hope. 21 For

Words, phrases, etc., that stuck out:

*** "...our present sufferings are not worth comparing...", middle of verse 18: I think I am often guilty of a "lack of true perspective" at times when I think about my struggles, start whining and complaining, etc. So our present crud a) is not worth comparing to all the Lord has gone through on our behalf...and when we don't deserve it, and b) NONE of it compares to the amazing wonder in store for us in Eternity...the tough thing is that our human minds can't comprehend it, so we aren't as "excited" as we should be!

*** The word "groaning" pops up a lot: I personally like that Paul (writer of this passage) acknowledges that both we have "groanings", and that they aren't dismissed as worthless. Let's be real: sometimes there IS really rough stuff going on in our lives, and it isn't to be taken with a flippant attitude.

*** The word "hope" pops up a lot: I think the word hope is a word we throw around a bunch, but like Jefe says to El Guapo in the fine arthouse film, "The Three Amigos", when Guapo keeps using the word plethora, "I do not think it means what you think it means." The sidebar discussion in my Bible seems to imply that most folks that the word hope to mean something more like "wishful thinking". Wow. I am sooooo guilty of that. Instead of treating hope as a certainty, a true belief that God is who he says he is, that he keeps promises, has saved me, has a grand plan for my life, etc., often I just treat all of it like wishful thinking...just wondering if it is all really true. And I should know better, as God has proved himself time and time again to me so much in life. My hope should be built on those things, not this crazy lack of faith I too often cultivate!

*** "But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has?"---end of verse 24: Wow. Good slam there! While I do think our hope can be "born" out of past experiences...they cannot be our true hope. We need to, if we truly believe, have a hope in things we can't see, feel, or prove with a math equation...

*** "...the Spirit intercedes...", middle of verse 27: How cool is that? When we don't know what to say, or how to "articulate" things to God when we need to experience his might...his Spirit knows and takes care of it all. Nice.

Questions, ponderings, etc.

Do I have a real hope? Or, is it only wishful thinking? I need real faith and belief...

We Always Compare "Up" (and how that is not a good thing...)

We compare ourselves with folks "above" us too well. And I don't believe it is helpful in many cases. It comes out in many ways, and I want to discuss some of them below:

*** Wealth: I myself have been guilty of this one, and I can't tell you how often teens I've served over the years fall prey to this up-comparison. It goes something like this: Person A, "Oh man, you are soooooo rich." Person B, "No I'm not" (when in reality, they have everything they want, mom and dad make six-figures, they eat wherever, travel tons, etc.). I myself (especially in college) was guilty of this one. I would often bring out-of-state friends to my parents' home on holidays, etc., and often their first response was, "Dang Ben, you didn't tell me your family was loaded." My usual response: "Oh, my parents aren't really that loaded." "Uh, yeah Ben, they are..." Why did I (and others) react that way? Some possibilities...

• Attempted Humility. I didn't want to necessarily be known as a "rich kid", so I guess I tried to downplay the truth: I was a rich kid. We ate wherever we wanted to. I got vehicles without having to pay a dime. Car insurance was paid for. Gas was paid for. I went to an EXPENSIVE university (and then grad school), all on my parents' dime. You get the picture...and the list surely could go on. Humility is a good thing, but sometimes I tried to convince myself that the truth wasn't, well, the truth...and I was blinded to reality as a result, which can lead to...
• Not Realizing How Blessed You Are (and How We Should be Grateful, Willing to Share, Etc.). This I've seen in my own life and in others like CRAZY. Essentially, someone is commented on about being "rich", and they deny it profusely, this time to the point of belief: it's beyond attempted humility, they really don't believe they are blessed with wealth. This is a problem. How does it happen? We "compare up", by not thinking we are rich, but those with "more" than us are the rich ones. I can't tell you how many times I've been talking to kids about this issue, and they really don't think they are blessed with wealth (as they drive off in their new-and I mean new-car, chatting away on their new iphone that was a replacement for the one they-oops!-just lost...and I know parents blindly paid for it...and trust me, I've been there too), because they are comparing themselves up to the family down the street that makes millions a year, instead of the "only $400,000" their family brings home. Why is this so dangerous? We feel entitled to the blessings. What would happen if it was all taken away today? What if your dad lost his sweet job, or isn't making the sales? Would you be bitter? Would the family fall apart because they are so tied to "stuff" instead of God and each other? These are things to think about. Instead, we should pray for real humility, gratitude, an attitude to share our blessings with others, and simply being grateful to God for providing AT ALL, even if it isn't as much as you are used to...

***Our Sinfulness: We also compare "up" when it comes to sin. First of all, it is imperative that we realize we are inherently sinful to begin with: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=romans%203:23&version=31. For some, that is difficult to realize at all (I will post on that one next...had a good discussion about "sinful nature" yesterday). But even for folks who "know" (even if just in theory) they are sinful at heart, they compare themselves with "worse sinners", and thus can rationalize their own sinful behavior. It can look like this: Someone is struggling with some specific, annoying sins. But when challenged to let God expose them, to repent (aka "seek forgiveness and TURN AWAY from the sin issues), they start to rationalize, comparing up to folks with "worse sins". "At least I'm not a murderer/Hitler/druggie/hooker/etc.". True, true, I'm glad your first name isn't Adolf, but that isn't a good comparison. If our mantra of "sin is sin, period" is true...we can't rest in our "smaller sins". It still separates us from God. If you are having pre- or extra-marital sex, for example, it isn't ok to say, "Oh well, there's worse things I could be doing." It is sin. period. Likewise, you can go "lower" in the perceived sin-level comparison: Jesus even tells us that if we have a bad attitude toward someone, calling them bad names, thinking we are "better" than them, it is the same as murder (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%205:21-22;&version=31;). Basically, if we think we are better than someone, or hate someone, etc., it is the same as wishing they didn't exist at all. They are worthless to us. Sounds like we wish they were dead...like murder. So, when we continue to have an ugly, bitter, unforgiving spirit towards folks, the argument of, "At least I'm not beating them up/murdering them, and just saying stuff and hating them on the inside", doesn't fly...if we really pay attention to Jesus. ALL of us must cry out daily to God, admit our failings, seek to repent, and ALLOW God to change our hearts. God can change our heart (I can think of several examples where my heart/attitudes are not the same as they once were...and I attribute it to finally allowing God to "Do His thing" with me...); the catch is, we have to truly think we need saving and changing...and allow it to happen...

***Our Own Spiritual "Level": Finally (not that there aren't other examples...), we are too prone to compare "up" spiritually with others. Oh sure, I think a healthy respect of those older, wiser, and more mature in their faith is a good thing! But, I know many who are stunted in their OWN spiritual growth because they see folks who know more scripture, or more biblical history, or pray more, or serve more, or have nicer kids, or, well, you catch my drift, and instead of being motivated to grow themselves, are instead discouraged and end up stunting their own growth. We need not compare ourselves in that way. A believer is a believer, period. Just because someone can get a 100 on a "Bible test" and you can't doesn't mean you stink, or are less loved by God, or even that that person "has all their crud together" (I can't tell you of all the "really spiritual" folks I've met that get an "A" in some area...but an "F" in mercy, or practicing what they preach, etc.). So don't be discouraged and give up on seeking God! Instead, allow it to spur you on to allowing God to grow you and accomplish amazing things through you!

So, we need to stop comparing up with folks. We just need to "rest" in God, seek to be a better follower of Jesus, realize our sin is keeping us from Him (no matter how "small" our sin seems compared to others), and be gracious to whatever He blesses us with...even if it seems small in comparison...

Matt Lantz's Election Night Observations

I fully admit that I am stealing all this from Matt Lantz, an old friend and my "little" while I was a member of the TCU BUX (Brothers Under Christ) chapter. I have had many of these same thoughts...and wish to post his list here.

I know some of his comments could be taken as condescending to believers...but I know Matt's heart (or at least think I do) and doubt that is his intent. And I also know many Christians have had a very good attitude and faith about all these things. I just know on election night, once all was decided, many folks, especially lots (not all) younger ones, were very negative, ugly, bitter...so Matt's thought were something I though could be a challenge/wake-up call for us...

1. A historic night - no matter what candidate you voted for. Unfortunately, for my generation and those younger than myself - there is a certain element of this history that we can't fully appreciate because we didn't experience the pain of the civil rights movement. Still meaningful to my generation, but the magnitude of it all is somewhat lost on us...well...lost on those of us who aren't African American.

2. Watching an election has never been so much fun! Throughout the course of the day these social networking sites like Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, etc were just buzzing with people throwing their support out to their candidate. These sites were in their infancy in the previous election and have really made this process much more interesting. I'm curious to see how these types of sites will be a huge factor in 2012. $10 says we see the candidates more in chat rooms than in gymnasiums (and we'll see Facebook's profits go through the roof!).

3. Apparently, many American Christians are afraid of Barack Obama. That is stupid on so many levels. And, yes, I mean stupid.

4. A lot of American Christians are obsessed with the phrase, "God is in control." Funny how it only comes out when we're trying to console ourselves. ....that's always bothered me. "You keep using that word....I do not think it means what you think it means." :)

5. I'm thinking that many American Christians are afraid they might actually have to stand up for what they believe in now because it is fast-becoming the minority view. And, ironically, instead of standing up for our beliefs, we find it easier to just slander the person who is threatening our cushy lifestyle. Whoops! So much for standing up for those beliefs. (See also1 Peter 2:13-15)

6. I don't agree with any of Barack Obama's policies, principles or philosophies and don't have to - even though he is my president-elect. That's pretty awesome. Hard for me to imagine living in a place where I couldn't freely do that. I probably take it for granted.

7. The single most popular Facebook status of the day: "I am praying for my country." Why are we saying that? Did we stop praying while a Republican was in the White House? Hmmmm.

8. If John Madden were doing the color commentary on tonight's election he would say, "Obama beat McCain - bam! - right now!" I mean, McCain got straight up embarassed tonight. Landslide victory for Obama. Haven't seen one of these in a looooong time. The past several elections have been won by such narrow margins - I can't remember the last time an election was called by 10pm CST.

9. I think John McCain's concession speech was amazing. Everyone is saying that it was 'gracious.' I thought it was inspiring.

10. No one cried tears of joy when George W. Bush was elected president. Maybe it's just me, but I wouldn't have cried if McCain would have been elected - and I doubt many others would have either. Why?

11. I think Obama's election is the best economic stimulus package that George Bush has come up with yet.

Mentors

"I am Ben Davis, and I approve this message..."

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17 (NIV)

Mentors. Over the past decade or so, I have prayerfully approached a few men in my environment to be a mentor to me. Not really just a friend, not a "replacement parent", but more a wiser, older, "been there before" type I could talk shop with and seek wisdom (confidentially) on all things life/faith.

The first time I was encouraged to seek a mentor was during my time as an intern at Christ Chapel in Ft. Worth (late-90s/early 00s). My boss, the late David Phillips, challenged me to pray about the concept, and see if any names popped out to me. So I did (pray), and one did (a name): a dad to one of the youth I served, George Montague. George and I would meet weekly (or so), usually for lunch. We'd talk about following Christ, relationships with girls, the future, the past, etc. It was always a fruitful time, and since I live "sort-of" near George, I have made occasional attempts to re-connect (but I confess I've been too busy and/or lazy to make a huge effort...that needs to change!), and one day soon I hope to catch up with George again.

During my Houston/Chapelwood days (2001-2004), I didn't really have what I'd call a true mentor until the last 18 months or so we were there. This time, a mentor relationship developed more organically, less sought-out, but it was equally rewarding. A parent who volunteered with the senior high ministry (and I served the junior highs) that I seemed to click with one days asked me if I'd like to go running with him a few mornings a week. I despised (still do, really) running for fitness purposes, but definitely needed some fitness in my life so I agreed. So Fred Gibson, one of those annoying (haha) "20 years older than me but three times as fit"-guys, became a friend that I consider a mentor. We would run and talk, and he always had such poignant bits of wisdom (and humor) to offer. I remember especially he was an "ear" for me during a tough time during my last year in Houston, and it was/is so appreciated. Fred is a true friend (whom, again, I need to reconnect with...common theme in my life unfortunately), that also shared a love for cheesy sci-fi/destruction movies, and during my last week in Houston, we made plans to go see the enviro-destruction flick "The Day After Tomorrow"...mostly just to see New York destroyed by a giant wave :-).

Fast forward to my current time in Weatherford, Texas (2004-current). For my first 3+ years here, for whatever reason, having a true mentor just wasn't really on the radar. Oh sure, occasionally I would ponder the idea, but usually it wouldn't develop far. I did have an older co-worker/pastor/friend (Gary Turner), that could possibly be considered a mentor (and If I lived closer to him, would probably seek more of that type of relationship) during the first 18 months in Weatherford, but I guess I think someone a bit more "off the radar" works best for me (aka, I saw Gary all the time, and having a more focused meeting time to be with a mentor is more fruitful to me I suppose). Well, earlier this year, after much prayer and listening, I approached who I like to call, "The coolest 75 year-old you'll ever meet", Tom Loughrey, Sr. We meet every 2/3 weeks, and it is just a pleasure. I wish we could meet more often, in fact, but his schedule simply does not allow it (many, apparently, seek his wisdom on several matters...good idea!).

So, in closing, I highly recommend prayerfully seeking a mentor in your life. I know parents can have that role, and I love mine dearly and trust their wisdom, but I think someone "other" is more beneficial for this type-of relationship. Some pseudo-criteria I'd recommend as you search include:

• Someone same-gendered as you. That may sound goofy to some, but let's be honest: Guys and gals are just wired differently, and when it comes to seeking wisdom, I think it's best to have someone who understands your specific wiring better...
• Someone at least 10-20 years older than you. More life under a mentor's belt=more wisdom for you to ponder. It's as simple as that. Think about it: Sometimes of us younger folks like to "think" we are wiser than we are...oh sure, we may truly have had some experiences that would benefit others, but it just seems like our motives seem to mature as we get older. I know I have had a struggle in the past to want to "be seen as wise/important", and it got in the way... I have also seen that need in others I've been friends with who were close to my age (but felt the need to always tell me what they thought I should do, often cloaking it in "God-language", etc.). So I recommend seeking someone older. For example, I, if approached, probably wouldn't agree to "mentor" anyone older than early twenties at this point in my life (I'm 34...).
• Someone with similar spiritual convictions (but more mature faith-wise). As a Christian, I need a mentor who similarly is seeking to follow Christ. Yet, it needs to go beyond that... If you fancy your level of spiritual maturity to be, say, "5 out-of 10", I would seek someone that is more like a 7 or 8. Someone who simply seems to have a better sense of what it means to live your entire life holistically as an act of worship to God. Not perfect (duh), but farther along in that way... Just seeking the 10/20 years older thing doesn't matter if I, at 34, am more mature spiritually than a possible mentor of 60...
• Someone at least "sort-of" off your friend radar screen. I know we can have "wisdom-sharing" between close friends (like Gary whom I mentioned earlier), but I recommend seeking a mentor that, while they know you, "clicks" with you on some level, and is able to still watch you from afar, isn't someone you seek out (or vice-versa) daily just to "hang". I have had, in the past, a friendship that seemed to go into a pseudo-mentor-type thing, but we spent way too much time together...and in the end, it got weird. In fact, it ended up making all kinds of relational dynamics just goofy to other friends and co-workers, and resulted in some schisms between us and others. And I directly equate it to the fact that this friendship based on wisdom sharing was just not what was, well, wise. We do need to be able to share (and seek) wisdom from spouses, very good friends, etc., but I think if the seeking and sharing of life/faith wisdom is nearly all of what the friendship entails, it can become dangerous. So, I recommend seeking someone not obviously in your friend circle (following the above age guideline can help with this as well). George, Fred, and Tom are all guys I already knew and respected, but I didn't really hang out with them before we started the mentor relationship, and I think it helped make the actual mentoring a better, more "real" experience...and allowed them to impart some of the tough wisdom needed...because they were partially removed from my daily life (aka we didn't have to see each other all the time...allowing for each of us to ponder, pray individually over tough issues brought up at times).

So, I am eternally grateful for each of these mentors God has given me the honor of sitting with. I truly recommend that you prayerfully seek a mentoring relationship for yourself as well!

Proud of My Boy, and What We All Can Learn From Him

I just wanted to share a quick story that truly touched Missy and I and made our hearts smile hugely...

One lesson (of many) we are humbly trying to teach and model to Jax is the concept of helping others by sacrificing what we have... Not to look good to others, or gain the positive acclaim of others (and I realize even telling this story risks you thinking that is a "secret motive" of this posting...prayerfully, it it not), but instead because God has blessed us beyond what we deserve or are entitled to. At his school, for example, they recently held a "Trike-A-Thon" benefiting St. Jude's Children's Centers, and he was asked to raise money "per lap". So, I explained to him that he was doing this not mainly to have fun riding his little trike around a parking lot, but so little boys and girls like him who are sick and in the hospital can be taken care of, made better, etc.

Well, last night as we were winding down from the day (and Jax had just gone to bed), Missy told me that earlier in the afternoon, Jax found a penny. Now, since he is only four and has no real concept of the differing value-assignments of money, it to him just counts as "money" (to Jax, it could be worth millions, who knows). Jax went to Missy and said, "Look Momma, I found a penny...can I give it to the sick kids?" Wow...I know he is but a little tyke and will certainly have changing attitudes at times as he grows, but wow.

I just know that Jesus calls us to approach him like kids, and due to "maturity", or the realities of life, etc., it is hard for so many of us to even ponder that concept anymore. We have so many, "That's just not reality"-attitudes toward simple faith, or giving all we have, etc. But Jax is right in that he found something of great worth to him...and he wanted to give it right back. All he knew is that what he just aquired could be used to help someone in need, and he wanted to give it away...

You see (and I've touched briefly on this before), I think many of us, myself included, today feel entitled to things. We've been working somewhere for a certain amount of time, so we are owed a raise. I often play this game by taking score of all the things I've done around the house lately (I did the dishes! I mowed the lawn! I took out the trash! I cleaned up the nasty-of-nasties that Jax did in his pants! Yay me! 100 points to me!) and secretly expecting perks as a result, like not having to do stuff the next time, or a free pass in getting Jax to clean up before bed, etc. And, if Missy is busy or tired or whatever, I can get bitter (often passive aggressively) and feel "entitled" to not having to do it. Of course, if I were to truly take score, it would be Missy 100, Ben 5 on most things...I just fail to see that. Other ways we struggle with entitlement may be holding too tightly to our "stuff" that we worked hard to get...sharing some, but making the acquiring of things a priority, or not being willing to let them go (or even be given away) to folks who may need it more. Or feeling that we deserve the best service, attention, and stuff in general, and thus being bitter/angry/rude/a jerk if we don't get it.

But God calls us to not hold on to that. God shows us that none of us are perfect and without fault. We are exposed as frauds. And if we realize that fact, and then realize that God has blessed each of us immeasurably (especially by letting us keep on living and by still loving us despite our messiness, through the perfect example of his son Jesus walking among us and ultimately being sacrificed for us despite our cruddy selves...I know not everyone reading that believes this...but I do and It's where I'm coming from...), then we must be compelled to a different focus. What we have is a gift, tangible or intangible. And we must not treat what we have as something we deserve...because what we deserve isn't all the good stuff... I know my own heart, and while I can be nice outwardly...I can be menacing on the inside. I write about "giving freely", and I know how selfish I truly am. I challenge others to give freely, to sacrifice, etc., and I confess to God and you that we as a family often rationalize not giving what we should to our church due to fear of "not being able to pay the bills", etc. I don't deserve God's favor...but He still gives it to me!

He offers it to you, too. I pray we all realize that better, simply, like a young kid, like Jackson, striving to give away (or at least be truly willing to give away) what has great worth to us. Maybe we can give more of "our time" to serving others through missions, especially the off-limits (like, college football Saturdays :-) ) times. Maybe we should all downsize a bit so we can give more to those in need, or to a church, etc., even if it is our "dream home/car/toy". Heck, maybe we just need to be nicer to the waitress who is slower than we'd like/too chatty/messed up our food ("I wanted 3 tablespoons of sauce, not 3 1/2!") and still tip even if we "didn't get the service we deserve/pay for." I know it is easy to rationalize us not doing this (I even am tempted to as I type), or start saying, "Hey, I'm an American! This sounds like Socialism! BOOO!" (I'm not a Socialist, either...I believe in free markets, etc., but I wish we would spread what we have a bit around more BY CHOICE, not by being forced to...). But, I pray that I at least will be more freely giving of what I have and who I am, just like Jackson seeks to. I am a child of God, that should be enough to compel me to do so!