God's Timing

God’s timing is not mine. Never has been. Oh sure, I have brief periods where I can honestly remove myself and be content with, “Whatever, whenever, God”. But not usually. I am a fairly patient person by nature, so I’ve got that going for me, but still anxiety and even bitterness (and-gasp! Impatience!) can creep in from time-to-time. Not a great thing…

Right now is one of those times. On any given day recently, I can wonder/worry about:

***God, can’t you just give The Wife the job she wants so we can quit wondering if we will survive past the summer?
***If she doesn’t get a job, what on earth are we going to do? Are we going to have to pack up and leave? Where will we go?
***When will our son get done with the “terrible two’s”? Oh God, please don’t have him to be one of those wild, hyper kids that drive me (and others) bonkers…
***God, do you realize how inconvenient it is to have to deal with some of the family health issues in The Wife’s world right now (both hers and her terminally ill grandmother)? I have too much going on, and I will have to likely drop some of them in order to provide support, etc. And while I will run to her side and be there when needed, I will feel guilty that I am “dropping the ball” in other areas (confirmation, Sunday School, mission trip prep, etc.). And then I feel guilty that I feel guilty about missing work…like my perspective is all messed up…
***What about The Wife’s grandmother’s soul? What if she does not know you? What if she is too sick now to “hear” the message? What if we blew it and are too late?
***God, when will “the future” for our family be clearer? What do you want us to do? Where do you want us to go? When?

Even typing that list right now made me cringe. “How selfish,” I thought during the whole thing. And in some cases, it is selfish. In others, it shows how I often struggle with Jesus’ encouragement to, “Not worry” about things like this. And I even see some areas where it is ok to ponder, but to not let the pondering/listening become worry, which it easily becomes at times.

But as I look back at the list, I am able to answer many of the questions, and I fully acknowledge that God’s Spirit is the one giving me these answers (as I simply type freely)…

“Yes, I can give her a job, and I will. Just wait…”
“Don’t worry. I will provide. Have faith. If you have to leave, so be it…but it will be what I want, so be glad!”
“Haha, you make me smile! He won’t be two forever. And don’t worry about what his personality will be; I have equipped you (and will keep equipping) with all the tools to be the best parent you can be to your son, no matter what.”
“Yes, it is a hard time right now. I AM WITH YOU. Keep listening, keep looking…you will hear and see me in this storm. Don’t worry about the guilt you feel. Give it to me. Just do the best you can in the ministry at church until it is time to minister to your family, and the rest will be taken care of. I am already preparing others to come alongside and help you…”
“Remember that it is I who does the “saving”, not you. Pray, and if able, share my love with her. I have shown myself to her in various ways over time, and that is between she and I. Just love her, and if you do share with her, don’t worry: I will be proud of you for being faithful.”
“Just stay close to me, and let me take care of it. I will show you the way. It might be soon, it might be years off…but don’t focus on that. Just keep learning, growing, loving, serving, listening, and I will be with you. The light bulb WILL go off one day…”

Thanks God! Father, thank you for speaking to me this morning…more accurately, thank you for unplugging my ears and heart so I could be allowed to experience your words and encouragement, and thus feel the peace you give so freely. I pray that I will be a man who is not afraid to hear (and heed) your voice…

Now That’s What I’m Talking About…

Sorry if I am fired up, I’m just giving God a WooHoo for doing what He always does: answers. I wrote several days back about how I’ve been on the “downhill” side of the life/faith rollercoaster lately. We had a very good Sunday School lesson/discussion about that topic last week, and we all went around the room trying to verbalize where we “are” on that rollercoaster right now. I said, “I’ve been at the bottom lately, but I have a feeling I’ll be heading back up soon.” Well, as I mentioned in that blog that God always brings me back up, I think it’s happening. I woke up today for some reason with a sense of peace, awe, etc. that I haven’t had in awhile. I have missed it. And it’s not even that life circumstances are really getting better (we have a family member who is close to death from cancer, finances aren’t great (still), our son is still in the throes of the “terrible two’s” and thus we can get easily flustered when trying to deal with him, etc.). But I think that’s a good thing. We have to get beyond letting our life circumstances dictating whether we feel joy, peace, love, etc.-or not. Too often that is where folks “park”: They are only happy, joyful, loving, in awe of God, when things are “going right”, and when things are hard…then the passion to follow (and “be”) the things of God are pushed aside.

So anyway, I got up this morning, forced myself to get out for my morning run, fixed my wife her orange juice and lunch, made the coffee, turned on my “hangage mix”, and sat on the couch. At first, I stared a the book I have been trying to read lately (“A New Kind of Youth Ministry”, by Chris Folmsbee…not a bad book, but lately I haven’t felt like reading it much). Then I just got up, grabbed my old Bible from when I became a believer in 1990, and opened it. Out fell my notes from the Catalyst 06 leadership conference, so I read them again (so great…). But I wanted more. So I said, “God, guide me to a place that we don’t seem to notice much.” And there was Paul’s letter to one of his “dudes”, Titus. I’ve read it before (it is underlined, marked up, etc.), but it is a book that I really don’t remember much from. So I read it. Every word. And I was fired up. Such good stuff there. In fact, I think after our current Sunday morning focus is done (start of summer?), the youth and I may just have to spend some time in Titus’ world!

Rollercoaster (of Life)

Life will always be filled with ups-and-downs. I know that, and I also fully acknowledge that many great things happen at both ends of the "life rollercoaster". That doesn't change the fact that sometimes I get annoyed at how my attitude, my closeness to God, how I treat others, etc., seems to never be able to stay "up high" for too long a time period. Oh sure, I will have a few weeks where, even if there are some cruddy "life circumstances", I just have a burning desire to know God more, to be more like Jesus, to dive into scripture, pray, etc. But then, without warning, I will dive down the "hill" and basically not give a rip about my closeness with God. Now, thankfully I have usually enough built-up "God stuff" going on so I can just hang on to my faith enough to get by, to still love people enough to serve them, etc., but eventually ugly things start coming to the surface, and it is just not that great a thing. Lately (last week or two) I have been in the "downward trend", begging God to get me out of it (He always does!), but it seems like my patience is thinner, I let things bug me more, and I have a general "meh" attitude towards the sacred in life...not completely gone, but just a lack of passion I guess.

So, what things keep me hanging on?

I know that God has a plan. (I greet you with the great words, grace and peace! We know the meaning of those words because Jesus Christ rescued us from this evil world we're in by offering himself as a sacrifice for our sins. God's plan is that we all experience that rescue. Glory to God forever!---Galatians 1:1)
I know that I am being molded, shaped, and taught things that God wants me to remember, even when I don't seem to care. (With your very own hands you formed me; now breathe your wisdom over me so I can understand you. When they see me waiting, expecting your Word, those who fear you will take heart and be glad. I can see now, God, that your decisions are right; your testing has taught me what's true and right. Oh, love me—and right now!—hold me tight! just the way you promised. Now comfort me so I can live, really live; your revelation is the tune I dance to. Let the fast-talking tricksters be exposed as frauds; they tried to sell me a bill of goods, but I kept my mind fixed on your counsel. Let those who fear you turn to me for evidence of your wise guidance. And let me live whole and holy, soul and body, so I can always walk with my head held high.---Psalm 119:73)
I know that God is faithful. ("God, God-of-Heaven, the great and awesome God, loyal to his covenant and faithful to those who love him and obey his commands…---Nehemiah 1:5)
I know that He is truly written on my heart, as even in the "down" times I catch glimpses of His goodness. (I'm sure now I'll see God's goodness in the exuberant earth. Stay with God! Take heart. Don't quit. I'll say it again: Stay with God.---Psalm 27:13)

It is those things that make me grateful for the "hilltops", when I do devour scripture, read books, seek spiritual conversation, and intentionally strive to "be Jesus" to folks. One thing I try and encourage those around me to do is spend time with God (in their own way, there is no formula, but we do have great "tools" like prayer, scripture, devotional books, art, etc.), but often I get blank stares looking back at me, or attitudes of, "That's just too hard", or, "I get bored". Well, it is times like this where my intentional seeking after God comes through, providing the small voice that keeps me at least comewhat close to "home" when I really don't feel much like being there...

Cold At Six Flags, but a Great Show

So for Good Friday, I took the youth to SixFlags (a tradition in these parts) for "Christian Youth Weekend". Overall, a good day, if looooooong (I AM GETTING OLD...I get bored of amusement parks after just a couple hours...and I used to practically want to live in them...) and COLD (50s dropping into the low 40s with wind at the concert). Relient K was the headliner and wow were they good.

A Tension that Exists in Youth Ministry

I am called to ministry, to serve God and others in the name of Jesus. Currently (and for the past 11+ years), the “venue” has been youth ministry. Looking back, I can certainly see the growth that has occurred in my own life and in the “way” I participated in ministry, etc. At first I was just happy that God called at all, but didn’t do much. My Young Life years (to me) were a joke (1995-1997). YL’s mantra is essentially, “Do all you can to get into the world of teenagers”, by going to as many games, events, lunches, slurpee runs, etc., as possible. Well, as a college student who quite enjoyed lots of “down time hanging with my buds”, I struggled with that. Oh sure, I tried some, but I never felt I lived up to the “superhero” standard that so many YL leaders seemed to have for themselves (and as a result, others in the YL ministry). I was called on the carpet a few times, actually, for how I wasn’t doing enough. The thing is that while many teens were reached, what I witnessed in the life of the leaders themselves was usually the fact that their own families (if married) got put on the “back burner”, and I know of several divorces (or at least, “strained family relationships”) due to this style of ministry. Or, the older, single leaders stayed, well, single, because they just couldn’t settle down. Now, there is nothing wrong with being single, and I do know many YL families that “work” because all members are on board with this lifestyle. But for me…nope… One thing that YL does well in though, as a result of this style, is that they LIVE alongside the teens they serve. They are almost fully in their world.

Since then, I have moved, gotten married, had a kid, struggled, found success, found hardship, found passion, grown, fallen-back, you name it. It has been a roller coaster, but I can say that overall I feel that I have continued to learn and grow in ministry (and in life). One main way I have grown is that my focus seems to be shifting from the, “Be the teen’s buddy at all costs so they think you are cool and ‘trust’ you”, to more of a focus on the “whole family”, especially partnering with parents as they seek to be the spiritual leaders their kids so desperately need. And it may seem cliché, but a lot of this growth in my is due to that fact that I am a father now. Simply put, having kids changes everything in one’s perspective, and I can honestly say that even as a married, but childless, man I did not understand why ministering to parents, too, was vital. Not anymore…(blame Jackson, my 2 ½ year-old, haha).

But there is still a great tension when doing ministry, including youth ministry. The tension is this: Do I do anything, at all costs, to get kids to “like me” so they trust me, feel comfortable around me, able to open up, and enjoy my presence? Or…do I almost become a “parent-spy” in the world of teens (which I sense some parents want me to be), getting into their world, confronting them, letting parents in on all the scary things going on, etc. I obviously think those examples are the "extremes" here, and that there is a balance I should seek as a goal…but it is a hard tension to deal with, as whenever one starts getting parents more in the picture, the teens tend to lose trust, feel betrayed (“dude, why did you have to tell my parents??!!!”). Yet, when I am too much of a “buddy”, the kids don’t seem to see me as a true authority figure, and think they can just do/say whatever around me. While I do like that they think they can be “themselves” around me, sometimes who they are simply isn’t what they need to be all the time…and when I call them on it, I wonder if they “hear” it when I am the “buddy”. Also, I know that parents, while glad their kids like their youth minister, get frustrated with me only being the “buddy” to their children. Some parents truly are living the biblical command to be the primary spiritual teachers to their kids (BRAVO!), others are trying but aren’t’ really sure how to do it (so I hope to help and encourage them where I can), some have “given up” trying (or so it seems), and others seem to think that since I am “paid” to do this, that all they have to do as spiritual leaders to their family is drop them off at youth events, preferably fun ones, that get their kids out of their hair. So, you hopefully can see the tension here.

Lately this tension has been more at the forefront. It just seems that I am increasingly becoming more of an authoritative leader to the youth, and I have had to call lots of them out on their behavior, attitudes, etc. While many kids respond positively (because there is trust), I can’t help but have fear that, “One of these days, they will start seeing me as just a step-below ‘parent’ and thus shut me out, too”. In some cases, that may have already happened. I am seeking the balance, but as I said earlier, I am increasingly seeing my ministry calling as being more than just “youth”. I am called to serve the family in general right now, so I must walk in the midst of all this tension. I am definitely praying for much wisdom on this, as I know I will mess up some, and sometimes do the “right thing”, but cause some relational strain in the process. But I can’t sit back any longer. I love the people (kids and parents alike) simply too much to do or say nothing. And I feel that that is my role/job/responsibility as one in the position I am in. I am a minister. Yeah, in the denomination I currently serve, I am not a “real” minister (haven’t sold my soul to the denomination just to get “credentialed”, hehe), but that is what I am nonetheless. And I would hope that all those I walk in faith alongside would expect nothing less…

A ROCKIN’ Band

I am a music nut, and as I have gotten older, I have increasingly learned to appreciate nearly all genres (even some country…but the “older” and more “outlaw”, the better!). But growing up, it was all about “arena rock”, “power rock”, metal, etc. You know, Def Leppard, Van Halen, Dokken, Metallica, etc. Lots of riffs, power chords, guitar solos, pump-your-fist-air-guitar-windows down with the volume at eleven…

Well, I have often told folks that what rock music needs today is a group of, “young guys who play ‘80s rock, but without all the squeals, screams, and screeches, without the big hair, without the spandex, and without all the sexual innuendo.” In fact, I often tell folks that if I were to start a band, that is the type of band I would want to be in…

Ladies and gents, I present you with my newest musical guilty pleasure: THE SHOWDOWN (http://www.theshowdownmetal.com/).

Now, there is nothing groundbreaking here, but generally it is what my request describes above. Just good, fun, ROCK. And as a Christian myself, it is nice that they too are Christians. Now, some may be bummed that their lyrics aren’t very “blunt” as far as their beliefs go (I think their faith does shine in the lyrics…you just have to digest what they are saying…no spoonfeeding), but at the very least it is cool to have a band like this that isn’t singing about drugs, sex, etc. (like The Darkness…another recent band playing 80s rock, but even the “edited” version of their cd I own is a bit much at times). Plus, they have a fun rockin’ cover of Kansas’ “Carry On Wayward Son”, a song I have always loved.

So, if you are in the mood for something new that reminds you of something old, check out The Showdown…

Final Four Results (and my last 2007 NCAA Tourney post)

Well, I got 2 of the Final Four...not awful, but the thing that stinks is that I have neither team (Ohio State and UCLA) advancing to the championship game. So, my bracket is "done" no matter what happens. Oh well. Overall, this was a mediocre year as far as my picks. Not the worst, definitely not the best. But always fun, as this gives me my only reason to really watch basketball (little care the rest of the year beyond watching Sportcenter highlights, really care less about NBA unless a Texas team is in the Finals).